Is it normal that people like me more than i like them?

79% Normal
13 Comments

Full disclaimer: I like people.

Oftentimes, I have found that people end up liking me more than I actually like them, especially early on in the friendship

For example, whenever I meet new people, I always get this feeling that they like me more than I like them, and a few things bring me to this conclusion:

1) They comfortably tell me a lot of private things and problems in their lives whereas I do not see them as qualified confidants as of yet

2) They want to spend time with me and invite me to places to hang out, and the feeling is not mutual since I do not have the desire to initiate hang out with them yet (I usually accept their invitation, don't get me wrong, and not begrudgingly)

3) They speak very highly about me to others (I often hear it from other people what they think of me) and yet I have not gotten the chance to find positive attributes about them or "enjoy" them yet

Few things about me:
1) I act myself; I'm confident and definitely know who I am and what I like and am definitely not a people-pleaser, so I don't do anything to ingratiate myself to others
2) I am not a very attention-hungry person and I tend to plant myself somewhere just sitting around somewhere calmly, so I do not seek to be "popular"
3) When people talk to me, I usually listen very well and respond accordingly, and offer solutions if asked and usually don't like to talk about myself because:
a) I do not like to open up to people early because I want to decide whether the person is trustworthy or not
b) Most people are not really interested in others and just mostly want to talk about themselves (from experience, tried and tested)

Few things about how I relate to new people:
1) I generally like or remain neutral towards people the first time I meet them
2) I usually don't form opinions on people then and there, so it takes me a while to determine whether I like someone or not; by default, I treat them respectfully but I still retain a neutral impression or slightly positive opinion of someone
3) If I end up liking them, I will appear to be more friendly. This usually takes at least a year (and lots of positive experiences with the person) for me to form that opinion of them
4) If I dislike a person, I will remain respectful, and will not hesitate to point out actions that I dislike in a respectful manner if the circumstances and timing permit; I also decline invitations to hang out

So can you think of reasons why this tends to be the dynamic between myself and others? What are those reason(s)/ qualities? Feel free to contribute from your own experiences.

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 28 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Shackleford96
    8 years ago

    I can't say this without sounding rather conceited, but I did notice a few similarities between you and I...

    I don't think it's a common trait, to answer your question.

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    • edapple
      8 years ago

      Glad I'm not the only one! I suppose this makes me feel more normalized.

      Care to share any input from your own experiences?

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      • Shackleford96
        8 years ago

        I'm glad you feel a bit more normal.

        No, I don't care to share my input at this time. Sorry.

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  • jr__
    8 years ago

    They don't understand how truly self absorbed you are?

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    • edapple
      8 years ago

      self–absorbed
      adjective self–ab·sorbed \-əb-ˈsȯrbd, -ˈzȯrbd\

      : only caring about and interested in yourself

      I'd like to objectively disagree with you because:

      1) I genuinely care about them. But it doesn't mean I like them. I like to care about them genuinely because it is the right thing to do, yet I do not get attached to them

      2)I don't like being a nuisance to others with my problems, that's why I don't like to share things about myself early on, and so I am interested in their welfare

      3) I make sure that I do not owe someone something/repay what I owe them in terms of favors and other things, so I am considerate in terms of reciprocity

      So no, I am not self absorbed.

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      • jr__
        8 years ago

        True. You'd be a good doctor.

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        • edapple
          8 years ago

          Dude. This is the professional trajectory that I am actually embarking on.

          Very insightful!

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  • weirdgiraffekid
    8 years ago

    Haha that happens to me. On a different scale I guess. People refer to me as their "friend" or "best friend" when it seems to me we've only talked a handful of times. I also have the issue of being known by far more people than I've actually met.

    I definitely disagree that you're self absorbed. You're very introspective and analytical, and since you have the most information on yourself your thoughts tend to center there. It's a human thing to be self absorbed, but people rarely talk or think consciously about it.

    Can we be friends? Or, you know, chat cautiously while deciding whether we like each other or not?

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    • edapple
      8 years ago

      WOAH!!!!!!!

      THIS IS THE ANSWER I AM LOOKING FOR!

      I HAVE THE SAME EXACT ISSUE THAT I AM KNOWN BY FAR MORE PEOPLE THAN I'VE ACTUALLY MET!

      People tend to like me a lot before I even form an opinion of them. And then sooner or later, I decide that we are incompatible (as friends, etc.) and then they are already too comfortable with me.

      It was to the point that people have thought we were already "best friends" expecting a hug from me to say bye, whereas I didn't even consider the person as a "friend" but a mere acquaintance.

      I also have to be careful with how I deal with women because many of them assumed we were already dating whereas I was just being friendly and nice to them. In highschool, I didn't even know that I has someone as a girlfriend because she clearly thought we were an item, whereas I was just being friendly and haven't even decided whether I would pursue her or not.

      And then friends of "friends, acquaintances, etc." would introduce themselves to me, already knowing me (having heard about me) but I don't even know them! It's such a common phenomenon that I always had to joke, saying: "What did I do now?"

      Do you think there is a reason why this happens to us?

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      • weirdgiraffekid
        8 years ago

        *Reads first sentence* *Makes fist* Yes!

        I got nothing. I guess we're more measured in the way that we approach and open up to people, and as a result we socialize with fewer people? That doesn't really make sense. But people like to talk, so we get talked about no matter what.

        I guess I shouldn't describe it as a problem. It certainly doesn't hurt me, since in most cases people hear positive or neutral things about me and not stupid gossip. It's just surprising when people act like they feel close to me. It's sort of a wake up call every time, to realize that this is how regular people think of relationships developing.

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        • edapple
          8 years ago

          THANKS!

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  • Steve2.0
    8 years ago

    You sound almost perfect. I wish everyone in the world was like you, in fact, start mass-genocide RIGHT NOW to make my dream a reality. You said you liked doing people favours, yes?

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  • scumfuck
    8 years ago

    The weird thing is that you don't know why these people like you you analyze everything but can't think of a reason kind of odd. I can always tell why people like/love/hate me.

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