Is it normal that my wife does not initiate any affection?

21% Normal
10 Comments

I have been married for 15 years and we have two kids. For the past 5 years or so, I have not been kissed in any meaningful way. If I try to kiss her, even during sex, she turns her head and gives me a cheek. She has not initiated a hug in recent memory. She has not initiated sex in years. She is argumentative, and extremely opinionated, and gets worse by the moment. I try very hard not to allow this to cause too much upheavel for my children, but I am concerned. I really feel like pursuing the affection elsewhere and even wonder if she would care? I am an educated, and decent looking guy, who is popular with women, but I have never strayed. I get more hugs from female coworkers, than I do from my wife. Is this normal, or am I insane for staying?

Voting Results
21% Normal
Based on 62 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • DannyKanes
    10 years ago

    You should really sit her down and have a talk with her. Find out if there is anything wrong and also to let her know how you feel.

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  • Caryopteris
    10 years ago

    I agree. Talk to her. Women get really exhausted by life when they are married and have kids. See what exactly has her down and what she's thinking. Is she just coping with life right now and has nothing to give you emotionally? What can you do to help her? Hire some help with chores? Let her cut back on the hours she works? Are there chores she needs more help with from you? Does she need a vacation where the kids stay with your parents?

    Don't make the mistake of stepping out of the marriage, thinking she won't care. She may do as many women I've heard of, and make you regret this by getting a divorce and taking much of the money. It happens time and time again. I've heard the stories. One guy didn't want his ex to take their 4-year-old son and move 1000 miles away, and when he objected, she made up a story about him molesting their son just so she could move away without him interfering! So be very, very careful to do things in the right order.

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  • junkboy
    10 years ago

    As those above have stated sit her down and speak to her eye to eye. Be sure to get eye contact from her. You can tell a lot by a persons eye, whether they are able to engage with you dead in the eye or not.

    If they don't it usually means they are ashamed, or lack respect for you, or scared you will see the truth.

    Don't stray from the relationship unless you've spoken to her and be brutally honest with her, don't hold anything back. Maybe she is just depressed because of XY and Z and you can fix these things.

    Maybe she just feels traps and there is nothing you can do about, apart from live your own separate ways. But either way speak to her first.

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  • Tyger
    10 years ago

    Firstly, excellent to hear you have remained faithful to your wife. That's very refreshing these days. I hope you can stay so too since extra-marital affairs wreck the energy of a marriage, period.

    Maybe she is suffering from depression. Is she stuck at home with no life of her own? How old are you both? She could be experiencing perimenopause or a mid-life crisis and depression and a lack of sexual desire are common in women at such times. Do you do things regularly to make her feel appreciated- buy flowers, offer help with housework etc? Or does she have to work, come home and deal with the chores, you and the children altogether (a recipe for exhaustion)?

    Please consider all these things...and talk to her. Show concern and then really listen. Women need to be heard.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    Perhaps it's time for a very frank discussion with your woman. Not mean or confrontational, but certainly to the point and honest.
    Holding an unhappy marriage together "for the kids" is probably not the best thing for anyone.
    You deserve to be happy, don't you think?

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  • youareaghost
    10 years ago

    Ask her if she loves you.

    Ask her to tell you the truth.

    You'll know if she's lying or not, either way.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Sit her down and talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel, but also tell her that as a result, thoughts of finding love elsewhere has came to you, and you don't want it to happen but it is something you feel you need.

    If she still doesn't want to initiate or engage in it, then perhaps you should find another person. The problem is the children, and that's the problem a lot of guys have. They have a partner, they have children, then all of a sudden the partner doesn't want to be affectionate. This means that if you do want to go elsewhere you have issues with children, custody, and so on.

    This is why I would much rather have a child on my own (surrogate or adoption) than with a woman. Not saying all women are like this, but the risk of it would be too much in my books.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I will never understand men who make the mistake of marrying these demonic creatures called women.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      It's a relief your opinions are an effective form of birth-control.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    The cunt probably doesn't like you. Ever though of that?

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