Is it normal that my sons only like my husband?
My twin sons, James and Samuel, are five, and they seem to only like my husband.
They get quite upset sometimes, and only seem to be comforted by their dad, John.
If they meet new people and get shy, they hang onto John's legs and hide behind him.
If he doesn't put them to bed at night, they can't sleep.
When they get sick, they only let John take them to the bathroom to help them throw up (which I suppose is a blessing! Ugh!).
When they're afraid, they cling onto him and sob into his shoulders.
If they get travel sick, John's the one to get them some water and sickness pills.
When they are sleepy, they always sleep on his lap.
They prefer him to read them a bedtime story as apposed to myself.
It's really quite upsetting. I try so hard to include myself in the parenting of my kids (except when they throw up haha - I'm more than happy for John to rub a poor sick little stomach or back and take control where that's concerned!). But it's like everything else I do just isn't good enough.
I wonder if it could be related to numerous factors:
- I'm only 24, John's 25, older by 1 and a half years, and I had the twins at 18 - he was 20. So he has more life experience, I guess.
- I'm basically out on a limb here - I emigrated from England to Dublin in Ireland at 17, so although I've been here 7 years, John just 'fits in' more (him being Irish, near his family and all that).
- John has a kind of 'twin connection'. He has an identical twin of his own, so he completely understands our sons's life as a pair.
It's really tough, too. I feel like I'm just watching my children through a wall of glass, observing in silence as my husband perfects the art of fathership. And it hurts. I want to be a mother to my twins. Not just a spectator.
John's great; I mean, he's kind, and honest, and patient, but he also takes control with the kids. I know he doesn't do it on purpose...it just happens.
He's a computer technician, and I work from home while the kids are at school. I end up trying to bond with them before John gets back, because when he does, they just gravitate to him.
How can I change this without hurting John?
What can I say to him?