Is it normal that my rape has only just started to affect me?

73% Normal

I was with my ex for about three months. Everything seemed fine but sometimes we would have some trouble when we had been drinking, because we both drink a lot. When we had been together for about two weeks, he grabbed me quite hard and pulled my hair so I would give him some attention. I didn't think too much of it since I like a bit of roughness. I thought it was just a part of foreplay which I enjoy. But I think there was a deeper meaning to it now.
The day before we split, we got very drunk. We ended up at his friends empty house (I don't know why). He tried to get with my best friend, she cuddled him and I think I saw her try to kiss him (could be wrong, it's all a bit hazy now). I was so upset. I felt my whole world fall apart. She then left to get some food. He then tried to cuddle me but I didn't react to it. I don't remember how it even happened because it happened so fast but he grabbed my hands and held them tight so I could not move them. Put his weight on top of me so I could not move. Then he started having sex with me whilst I was crying for him to stop and trying to fight him off. During this time he let go of my hands and I noticed that there was a glass at the side of me, which I managed to grab quickly and smash it over his head. All I remember is passing out due to the amount of alcohol, waking up to find he was gone and I was left in a strange house in the middle of nowhere.
I got home and cried for about two days straight. But I cried because I saw him nearly kissing my best friend. For three months the rape didn't effect me at all. I was just so angry that he cheated. I tried about 15 times to talk to him, but he completely ignored me. Although he asked my friends why I was so upset/angry with him. He called me once, but thought it was best not to answer and just let go.
Three months on, which brung us to last week. I saw him, he pretended I wasn't there. I then drunk a lot of alcohol and broke down in front of my friends and told them. Now my rape haunts me. Half the time I feel numb/unemotional about everything and the other half I shake, cry, feel like breaking down. I'm not fun to be around anymore. I feel like I'm not understood. I feel like everyone around me is having fun, being happy, laughing and I'm literally just sat here shaking. Is it normal it's took nearly four months to let this get to me?

Voting Results

73% Normal

Based on 40 votes (29 yes)

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Comments ( 30 )

Sog

10 years ago

I think you're just wasting your time here. That was without doubt a very traumatic experience that you had and you need to seek counseling as soon as you're ready.

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RomeoDeMontague

10 years ago

Stuff like this sometimes takes time to hit people. So it might not have sinked in till now

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Caryopteris

10 years ago

You are numbing yourself with alcohol. That's your main problem. Whatever problem a person starts out with that they try to treat with alcohol, it is just temporarily numbed and the person doesn't grow and mature to be able to overcome the problem.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I drank large amounts of alcohol years before I even met the man who technically raped me.
  
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  - Caryopteris
    
    10 years ago
    
    That seems to prove my point. You are not taking control of your life. You are numb and let life happen to you. You are using alcohol to avoid your problems and it keeps you immature. If you want to get over this trauma or any other problems, you can't do it until you get sober. Alcohol is fine for some who are not addicted. It is not your friend though.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      But I'm not addicted? I drink once a week...
      
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      - Caryopteris
        
        10 years ago
        
        There are different kinds of alcohol abuse. From your own words of how much you drink (we both drink a lot. drunk) and your delay in tackling big issues, you should see a professional to get help with coping and moving past this trauma.
        
        People who do not have a problem with alcohol are those who have a drink or two at social occasions. They don't think the object is to get drunk and they don't say thinks like they drink a lot because they may go months with a an unopened bottle of wine in the fridge.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        I drink as often, and if not less than my fellow 7,000 students I attend university with. They all get through fine. I'm just the typical, average, student from the UK. It's what we do and 95% of us come out fine.
        
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Theadage

10 years ago

Peterr. You are disgusting. Please go somewhere else.

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splatt

10 years ago

I am so sorry you had to go through that. Especially at the hands of someone you thought cared about about you. One of my best friends was raped 20 years ago by her boss. It affects everybody differently.

I'm not going to pretend to understand what you are going through because everybody's reality is different. I don't know how it has affected you personally.

What I do know is that rape is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person. You can't just get over it. I urge you to seek professional counseling.

Good luck to you.

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hairyfairy

10 years ago

you should have reported him for it, then you`d find it easier to get past the event. He`s a pervert, & needs to be locked up where he can`t do it again.

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Terence_the_viking

10 years ago

I think you really need to talk to someone about it and warn all your female friends about him.

If he could do it to you and you were his girlfriend he can do it to anyone.

Hope you feel better soon.

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[Old Memory]

10 years ago

Being "raped" by someone you have sex with all the time is silly.

A man raping a chick he fucks anyway is pointless. And a chick not fucking someone she fucks anyway is pointless.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Not particularly. That's a very narrow minded view. Only because I had sex with him regularly, doesn't necessarily mean I wanted to have sex with him when he wanted sex. And it still didn't give him the right to act violent towards me.
  So in your view, marital rape doesn't exist either? Because I think that's quite immature and unprogressed.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    10 years ago
    
    In my view, marital rape is a joke.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      Well you are fucking tragic.
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        10 years ago
        
        It's tragic that we pay attention to these cases at all, it's tragic that I'm giving you the time of day. And it's tragic that there are real rapes to deal with out there.
        
        You're really insensitive.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        So because I knew my rapist, it wasn't actual rape? Can you actually hear yourself right now? That really is a prehistoric, ridiculous idea.
        
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peterr

10 years ago

I think you can hardly call it rape when you were fucking him before and admittedly you said you like it rough. You got what you deserved so forget about it and him. I wish I knew you because I would be gentle with you and you would like it and get used to it. Sorry you had to go through all this.

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- polly_sue
  
  10 years ago
  
  Peter, in ANY court of law NO MEANS NO. it doesn't matter what happened prior to that NO, even if she was having rough sex every hour on the hour for months and months and months, the minute she says NO, its rape. i am guessing you have heard A LOT of NO's in your life and i hope the next woman that says no to you, gives you exactly what you deserve.
  
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  - peterr
    
    10 years ago
    
    Go fuck yourself you Lesbian muff-diver!
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I have no words for you. You are just a very behind, unintelligent human being. Good luck with life because you'll fucking need it.
  
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  - polly_sue
    
    10 years ago
    
    Actually no, i will be in FRONT, very very in FRONT of the jail bars while YOU are behind them and it won't matter how unintelligent i am because YOU are going to be the one BEHIND those bars, not me! Luck? good luck with the next "brother" that makes YOU his bitch behind those bars.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      I am behind jail bars for getting raped? Huh?
      
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      - polly_sue
        
        10 years ago
        
        no, not you....Peter....who obviously doesn't know what the word no means......i will be on the other side of his jail bars....while he gets it up the ass for being an ass and not respecting the word no.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that my rape has only just started to affect me?