Is it normal that my mum doesn't seem to care about my babies?

33% Normal
2 Comments

In the past 3 years i have had two little boys. When my first son was born, all the family loved to see him and offered to help with babysitting and also so that i could go back to work part time, which we were very grateful for. My mum had alot of involvement in my first sons life but due to job commitments and so on she hardly ever sees either of them and doesn't even know my second son well at all. My mum has a son who is 9 years older than me and gave him up when he was just a few years old, she also has a drinking problem and i feel as though for the majority of my life she's spent making me feel bad about not helping her with her problems. For example, this year i decided to not call her all the time as she's quite selfish and will only talk about herself and it was clearly upsetting me that she never asked about my second son. (she also told me you will never love your 2nd as much as your 1st!!!) now when she does call she spends the majority of the call ranting on about all her problems and issues and almost forgets to ask me anything. then when she does its, 'oh i have to go... sorry, need to get on with work' blah blah..! it's getting to the point where i feel as though i want to tell her she's upsetting me but it never seems worth it as she throws it back at me and says she's busy all the time. In the mean time i am struggling with my two little ones who are only 19 months apart. I love them to bits and would do anything for them but as a normal mum i do find it a strain sometimes and we never really get a break from it as no one will offer to help.we work alternate days to each other so that we can look after the children so never get any time with my husband and children together. Feel stuck sometimes and really frustrated, really want to call my mum when i feel down but she's never there for me.. sorry for the rant, just sometimes no one else to say it to.. x

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33% Normal
Based on 36 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Well it sounds like you have pretty good handle on your mom. What you don't have is the support you need as a mother. I think this makes you more wishful that that could come from your mom, and frustrated/hurt that it can't possibly do so being who you already know she is - a limited, self absorbed woman.

    So forget about her and focus on how you can get the support you need. Talk with your husband about possible arrangements where you 2 get more time together as a family & on your own. Get out to play groups to meet other moms, do anything you can to make new friends or cultivate relationships with old ones or other family who can be a support to you.

    It may take time, but your mom is a road to nowhere but loneliness and despair. That doesn't mean you need cut her out of your life. But you can put her on the back burner while you do something for yourself, just as you have to get yourself to where you are today all along.

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  • vintagebeauty224
    13 years ago

    you and your kids are probaly reminding your mom of you and your brother but when you were younger. and maybe shes feeling bad about giving your brother up. try to tell her how you feel about things right now because bottling emotions up will only create more damage and stress. hope this helps:)

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