Is it normal that my mom makes me pay rent like this?

19% Normal

Sticky situation: I make enough money to be living on my own, but I decided to stay home and help my mom since she sucks at being an adult. Recently, my sister and her roommate moved out of the house, which means that my mom now has to pay the electricity bill (my sister was paying that) and she lost $250/mo. In a few days, the other roommate is moving out, which means that she is losing another $250/mo. Now, I kept offering (when everyone else was paying something, and I was paying nothing) to pay rent like the roommates or the water bill. She kept saying no, you have the opportunity to save your money, so save it. Now that everyone is gone, I now have to pay her $600/mo. WTF? AND I have to provide the food for her son, but she goes out and buys all kinds of random shit? I have to pay as much as 3 people were paying, wow. I'm the ONLY ONE of my siblings that pays my own phone bill, my own car bills and insurance, buys my own food, AND I work far so I have to use a lot of gas. SHE KNOWS THAT. Yet she's making me pay this much?! FOR WHAT? I'm never HOME anyways! If I had money saved up, I'd move out, but then I'd feel bad. My mom won't grow up and get a real full-time job. She's currently working as a cashier on base. She doesn't do ANYTHING when she's home. I need advice. I don't have enough for a security/1 month deposit to live on my own (especially NOW!!) so moving out is not an option right now, but I'm honestly debating on whether or not I should just live in my car and go to my friend's house for showers...I don't know. This is so fucked up. What mother makes her 20 year old daughter pay more rent than ANYONE who was living there?
Is it normal that my mom is doing this?

Voting Results

19% Normal

Based on 110 votes (21 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 42 )

dinz

11 years ago | pl

Well in the end your mother has a right to charge you. But in this situation I think your mother and you will need to work out the expenses and budget so you and your mother can meet the cost of living.

Comment Hidden ( show )

7

7
- Dad
  
  11 years ago
  
  Um, thumbs up (not sure who thumbs you down by the way, but zero was not fitting for your comment)
  
  -----
  
  That's right, to live where you both live, you 'both' need to sit down and work out the expenses.
  
  By the way, you were living there for free? And now you have to pay!
  Dear me, you still haven't grown up hey.
  When you oneday have a family and the bills and rent/mortgage add up higher than you can afford, don't you dare look at your adult children to help you out.
  
  Your Mother is asking for your support. Either give it, or getout. She'll be fine in the gutter. Thanks :)
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  -1
  
  -1
  - Lynxikat
    
    11 years ago
    
    Did you even read the entire thing? OP said she kept offering to pay rent, but her mother said no- but now that the roommates are moving out of the house, she's forced to pay as much as what three people were paying when previously, her mom said "No, it's ok, you don't have to pay rent".
    
    Dude, you have to be trolling here, cause there's no way that it's right or normal for a mother, who has no idea on how to be an adult, is paying her twenty year old daughter $600 a month when she works her butt off at work and the mother isn't responsible enough to pay her own bills- especially when said OP is the only person in her family to pay her bills on her own, buys her own food, and has to use up a lot of gas- now correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that most Americans would consider gas prices to be very high in the US.
    
    Does the mom have a right to charge her? Yes, she does. But for that amount? No, it's not normal.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    4
    
    4
    - Dad
      
      11 years ago
      
      ?
      
      Yes I did read it.
      Previously the Mom was receiving enough money to continue the way she lived.
      Now that one or more financial providers have moved out, she has been immediately put in a bad position financially.
      Asking her own daughter for support, whilst her daughter (the OP) and possibly herself (the Mother) work out what to do. Is REASONABLE.
      
      Does the Mom have a right to charge her, yes she does, but for that amount? Presently it is required to continue living there.
      
      I thought it was obvious. Obviously not to a 20yo!
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
    - spazatikal
      
      11 years ago
      
      this reply does make me feel a little better.
      
      update: i still haven't paid her (just to see what she would do). i was recently sick and ended up going to the hospital (GREAT timing...) and got bombarded with bills that, of course, i am paying. i told my mom that i would only be able to give her 250 with this paycheck, and she said not to pay her at all. like, WTF. she needs to make up her mind. i saw the bills (electricity, water, etc) and they are NOT cheap. she had recently met up with my sister, so i'm thinking maybe my sister paid her off. GOD this woman is driving me insane. i'm moving out at the end of this month, and my mom keeps trying to bribe me to stay. she isn't getting all up in my business like she normally does, and doesn't care what time i come home anymore. fuck that. i'm still leaving. if she can't support herself, then obviously she shouldn't have children. it's not my problem if she loses custody of her son, and it isn't my fault that she's irresponsible.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - Lynxikat
        
        11 years ago
        
        It's good that you're moving out- you don't need to be paying all that money to someone who can't even act like a real adult and can't even support herself.
        
        It didn't seem like the two of you had that good of a relationship even before the whole money situation thing came about.
        
        And about what Dad said in his reply to your post- just because she's your mom, doesn't mean that you have to help her out with every single little thing. If it's a situation like this where she's just throwing away money for things she can't afford, then she doesn't deserve any financial help from her children. It's not like she's working her butt at two different jobs and struggling to keep herself from being evicted. If it was the other way around, with a daughter wasting money on things she can't afford and in financial trouble, the mom shouldn't be required to help out the daughter financially. That's just my opinion. Sometimes Dad gets things, but for whatever reason, he just doesn't seem to get that your mother probably doesn't deserve any financial help because of her lifestyle.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
  - spazatikal
    
    11 years ago
    
    let me explain this one a little, dad.
    she HAS a job, okay? she has NO mortgage because the house was GIVEN to her by her parents. EVERYTHING was handed to her on a silver platter, and when it came to me, I had/have to work for EVERY SINGLE THING. I end up working for more than just myself, and honestly, i think it's a little screwed up. sure, I don't mind HELPING OUT, god forbid, living in hawaii is tough enough. but when she expects ME to pay enough for 3 people, and provide for HER SON, while SHE goes out and buys clothes and shoes and things she KNOWS she can't afford, well, it's very irresponsible. all she wants to do is buy things, and have her own child pay for the things that NEED to be paid for.
    
    i AM getting out. it's not because i don't want to pay, it's because i don't want to keep supporting her this way. SHE needs to grow up, i'm already well enough on my way.
    THANKS.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Dad
      
      11 years ago
      
      ok you don't want to help her, then leave.
      Don't abuse her or talk down to her or make life harder for her than it already is.
      She's your Mom, I'm sure there will be some support agency out there that will help her with food/bills.
      Meanwhile you go out and buy a jet ski or whatever it is that is much too good than helping out your own Mom.
      
      I've read your (possible mental) concerns about your Mom. She obviously needs support from someone so she can get back on her feet again. Who knows, that house may have also been GIVEN to you when she dies (or divided up between the family) Maybe your proportion should be lower?
      
      If life is THAT hard for someone who has a house (or dwelling or whatever it is) ALL paid off, then maybe she should sell and leave to a 1 bedroom apartment. Quite obviously her life is coming to an end, and yours is just starting, good luck with your own kids support one day. Because it (financial hardship) can happen to the best of us.
      
      Oh, and make sure to take some of those past loving family photos with you, otherwise your Mom might just cry every time she sees them. Good one, leave on a bad note, that'll work out for you!
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - spazatikal
        
        11 years ago
        
        haha you really don't get it, but that's expected online. i can't spend my life taking care of those that won't even help themselves, i still need to live my life.
        i understand that she needs help from someone to get her back on her feet, but you can't expect her to GET HELP when she isn't even trying to. I can't make her do that. I'd love to, honestly, but she just doesn't want to put any effort into it.
        she doesn't want to sell the house because it was given to her, so she doesn't have to spend any money on "rent" or other living situations. sure, she'd have a shit ton of money, but i think she's saving that for when her parents actually die and it becomes HER house. technically, the house isn't hers to sell anyways.
        we don't have family photos. growing up, we weren't even a family, just people living together. it's not like she'll really give a shit when i'm gone. the only thing going through her head will be "now who will pay my bills for me? who will take care of my son?"
        she isn't even my mom. she's my older roommate. trust me, she really doesn't care much about a "family" to begin with.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Dad
        
        11 years ago
        
        I trust what you are saying is true.
        Because although most say trust should be earned, I've always had the opinion trust to begin with and 'then' if any issues happen lower that trust accordingly from there.
        
        I'm sorry you haven't felt like "family" with her. I actually feel she may think of you as 'close' family anyway, but just in her own awkward way. She may not know exactly how to express herself 'properly', but the love is there, somewhere.
        
        ok then. Move out for a while, it may be best for both of you (actually everyone). See how it goes (in other words don't sign 12 month contracts/leases with anyone just yet. I think after a couple of weeks you'll both know what's best, and then take it from there. By the way, it may be best NOT to stop contact with her, because sometimes when we forget to call or come around the days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months, and eventually years pass by! Just make it that you'll contact every day or two, then keep to it.
        
        No, you don't need my ok (or anyone's, but yourself) but it sure does help when things are a bit gray. Good luck.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
- nAt2017
  
  11 years ago
  
  Well said.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Allistalla

11 years ago | pl

why did you not move when you had the chance? you were getting free room and board? You did save any money in that time at all? It sounds like the only reason you stayed with her before was out of guilt stop taking care of your mom and get your own life.

Comment Hidden ( show )

7

7
- kupokupo
  
  11 years ago
  
  Wow Allistalla, good advice! Well done! I see a brighter future ahead of you!
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  she had threatened a few things, but at this point, she can do whatever she wants, i'm still going to leave.
  good advice Allistalla. :) Thanks!
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Allistalla
    
    11 years ago
    
    You mean your mom? you are welcome.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
captainawesome

11 years ago

Sounds like you're being the parent here, not her. There's no reason for you to stay in that house because you shouldn't have to play "mum" for your mum. She's the one going out and spending her money on stupid shit, and she's probably charging you so she has an excuse to buy even more stupid shit.

But if you want to stay, then she is entitled to charge you as much as she wants for rent. In that case, you should try and work out with her what's appropriate and what's not. $500 a month is appropriate, since it was what you're roommate and sister were paying, so bring that up. If she doesn't, then live with $600. You shouldn't have to provide food for her son though, she should be using her own money for that.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- VioletTrees
  
  11 years ago
  
  I agree. The OP needs to move out.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
AssBurgers

11 years ago

Move out.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
jucedaguy

11 years ago

Not normal, but I may have a solution for you to raise your funds base.

Sounds like now other people have moved out you have more room?

The way I see it, that's one potential meth lab. And one potential grow room.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  ROFL uhm, she'd probably blow it up.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Silentnight

11 years ago

Maybe she could offer to pay a bit more to take the load off you. I reckon you should advertise for a new flatmate... or two??

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
tehfoxyfire

11 years ago

Why not rent the room out that your sis and her roommate were living in? That could take 250 off your bill. And why the f$#! Do you have to feed her son doesn't she get child suppt? from the baby`s Daddy?

I gotta ask you don't u have money saved up from the time u been living there without paying rent?

Yeah don't sleep in ur car that really sucks u could do it for a day or two but it will get extremely uncomfortable if u do it long term

Talk to ur mom try to negotiate something wit her but graceful how u approach her in teh end it is her house and te,technically she could charge u what she wants:/

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  it's a long story about why she isn't getting child support. the dad is an evil man, who is "bankrupt" with a very expensive car...haha, i laugh at his irony.
  my mom doesn't want random people living in the house for safety reasons. i don't have TIME to make friends with people who wouldn't mind living with my mom...
  ah, yes, the reason i don't have a lot of money saved up: i was constantly eating out and staying at hotels to get away from her. i think i've spent the night at home maybe once a week. NOT a good decision, i'll admit, but if i stayed at home, i'm pretty sure i would've lost my mind. i'm not even exaggerating.
  in the end, it's NOT her house. that's the thing that pisses me off the most about this whole situation. she didn't pay ONE CENT for that house. my grandparents GAVE it to her.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Steve92

11 years ago

Get married, dump her and let her son ie your brother do pay for her. As it seems she doesnt care about you, but only your brother or she would have been sympathetic. The theory is complicated, but this is not a good sign at all. Escape the house before something nasty happens!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
trublutxm75

11 years ago

Just pay up or move out. It's that simple.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
JuneB

11 years ago

I don't know, I mean, what choice do you have? I've been in situations like this (not for quite as much money, though) and it's not like you can just let your mom fail. She needs the money, and you live in the house too. Plus there's the whole issue of all of those years she spent raising you, you kind of owe her for that. That's always how I've looked at it =/

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  HER parents raised me, pretty much. all she did was guzzle down liquor and do a ton of cocaine at a bar every night.
  so i honestly owe her nothing.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
boehawk

11 years ago

Your mom's son ? That would be your brother or half brother ? If he's not a little kid he should get a part time job , delivering papers mowing lawns or something to help out with expenses if he's still in school . If he's a adult he needs to cover his share .

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  he's only 9. half brother. hahaha, trust me, i'd pin part of this on him if i could. X_X
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
canada87

11 years ago

But if your mom really need it.... Then.... At least try pay 500. But if she dose not I say 350. That how much my mom pay me which is fair.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
jermath35

11 years ago

That's fucking bs ur mom is using u...yes save ur money and live in ur car till then

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
KatieLiz

11 years ago

What would happen if you refused to pay the 600 and just pay her the 250 that everyone else was paying? If you do that then you should save up enough in just over a month.
Otherwise you could always cotch at a friends house (maybe your sisters?) for a couple of weeks while you get some money together.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Its_Called_Love

11 years ago

I understand that you don't have enough to move out on your own. So do what I did, I moved in with my current roommate who already paid first and last plus deposit. My rent is 340 a month which is EASILY doable. It might be cheaper and roommate's tend to give you more space than living with a parent.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  funny enough, the timing on this was pretty good. a friend of a friend needs a roommate at the end of this month. i'm only going to be paying $350/mo. :) so YAY. <3
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - Its_Called_Love
    
    11 years ago
    
    I'm happy you've got a good place to live. :D
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
shuggy-chan

11 years ago

seems like someone needs to come in and help you out, cause your mom is being unfair.. =/

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  seems like you need to come in and help me. <3 hahaha
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - shuggy-chan
    
    11 years ago
    
    SPAZY <3 MUAH!!!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
fullhouse

11 years ago

Give the room on rent and it'll be fine..We in India are joint family so i cant help much but I guess you must try to have a conversation with her and find a solution you both can live with..

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
[Old Memory]

11 years ago

Live with one of your sisters.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- spazatikal
  
  11 years ago
  
  i only have one sister, and she's living with her girlfriend...in her girlfriends' parent's house.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
[Old Memory]

11 years ago

"Is it normal that my mom makes me pay rent like this?"

"Sticky situation"

Ewwwwwww.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0

Are You Normal?

Is it normal that my mom makes me pay rent like this?