Is it normal that my mom is pressuring me to get a girlfriend?

63% Normal
7 Comments

Like many people on the internet, I'm a 19 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl. Don't get me wrong, I really want a girlfriend and I fantasize about having sex all the time, but I'm willing to wait for it. I realize that if I work hard to improve myself over the next few years, I'll be a stronger, more confident, mature, and attractive man who will therefore attract much higher quality women than the women I could attract in my current state. I think this is a much better strategy than just desperately pursuing women right now.

Unfortunately, my mom can't stand the idea of me being single. Every time I visit her, she always asks me if there are any girls that I like or flirt with and I always answer no. She then hounds me about why I don't have a girlfriend. I explain to her that girls probably wouldn't like me, that I'm kind of a loser, but she wants nothing of it.

When I think about it, it's hard to believe the lengths she's gone in terms of pressuring me. She offered to teach me how flirting works with her playing the part of the girl (I refused), then the next day she gave me a book about different sex positions (the Kama Sutra). She even suggested I join Tinder, but after I told her how many STDs I could get, she retracted her statement.

I just don't think I'm ready for a girlfriend yet despite how much I want one. I've read numerous online sources that say the number one quality women find attractive in men is confidence. Unfortunately, I suffer from low self-esteem and depression. That's why I'm pretty sure that if I tried asking a girl out, she would either reject me or she would accept me, but feel minimal attraction toward me because of my insecurity. Seriously, what girl wants to date a guy who thinks he's a loser? These are all reasons why, for the time being, I'm opting out of the dating world.

There is a bright side, though. I'm absolutely committed to being a better man. Every week I see a therapist and I try my best to work out and write every day. My dream is to become a film director and as soon as I get all the right equipment, I'm going to start work on my first film. I'm sure that if I keep this up for a couple of years, I'll feel great about myself and women will feel great about me, too. How do I explain all this to my mom?

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 8 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Crow
    8 years ago

    Your mom gave you a copy of the Kama Sutra? What.

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    Tell her once clearly, maybe in writing? and add nicely that you don't want your visits with her to be taken up with this issue any longer.

    In fact, show her your post: it's very clear and well written

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    I just re-read your post and responses and I reckon maybe there's a chance she thinks you might be gay, so maybe you could clarify that with her? A mother giving her adult son the Kama Sutra is certainly unusual!

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  • deepdankstickygoo
    8 years ago

    Oh so your parents are divorced?

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    I am the same way, due to having social anxiety, shyness, self-esteem issue, and maybe some depression. I just never have the confidence to approach and talk to women. And what makes it worse is that I feel like most women have a very strong sense of reading body language and reading emotions, and that makes me paranoid because I feel like any woman that I try to talk to will pick up right away that I am unconfident. Also I feel like I will never be good enough (in other words, tall enough, strong enough, smart enough, rich enough, good looking enough, interesting enough, etc. for any girl). I'm poor, don't have a good job, not that educated, and my personality is very lame because I don't really have any hobbies or even any friends (no social life). I feel like if I ever did get a girlfriend (somehow) that I would actually feel sorry for her for wanting to be with a loser like me. I see beautiful women all the time that I am attracted to but I am afraid that if I ever tried to get to know her she would automatically think I was boring or weird/strange/lame and leave me for someone who is better in every way.

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  • iwishiwasyourmom
    8 years ago

    She wants grandkids but that's selfish, you seem like a nice boy to me, do whatever you like

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  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    You don't really. You shouldn't have to explain to her. If you want to see these conversations end you might be better to keep a stiff lip about it.

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