Is it normal that my husband really wants children?

81% Normal
24 Comments

I am 21 and my husband is 28 and he really wants children.
We both agreed to wait until we finish our graduates degrees but uhh...

He constantly talks about how he wants to raise our kids, how many he wants and what not... There are times where we have been out and he'd be holding my hand and he would see parents playing with their kids (not even traditional families 100% of the time, but any parent with kids assuming the adult is the parent) and he will smile and watch them, then kinda look at me and squeeze my hand a little and if I don't acknowledge him (which sometimes I don't because I don't notice), he gets a little gloomy.

Every now and then I will see some screaming kid making a ruckus and I will sarcastically ask "Why don't we have kids again?" and he will state quite frankly... "Because you're on birth control" and he'll smile and look away. I told him he'd have to make more money than he is now (our combined income is 30k), so he has been really driving it hard with getting college finished and getting good grades and a good major.

Is it normal for my husband to want kids this badly?

Voting Results
81% Normal
Based on 62 votes (50 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • chubbawubba69
    12 years ago

    It is normal, but you definitely need a stable and liveable income first. I am the same age as your husband and my wife and I are debating on whether or not to have children yet. I have the desire to have children, and I'm lucky enough to make a good living, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up being independent. Having children not only costs money, it seriously changes lifestyles.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I'm very aware of that, which is why I wish to abstain. I was just hoping that it wasn't freakish or that I had anything to be worried about. He has a very strong attachment to the idea of being a Dad and having his own family and he is genuinly good with kids and we plan to wait, but I was worried that maybe it was unusual. Thanks for the answer.

      I plan on having kids one day, but I want to wait until we are graduated from college and in a professional workforce.

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      • chubbawubba69
        12 years ago

        Being 28 is probably also a factor. I can't speak for him, but I'm starting to feel like I need to have kids sooner rather than later due simply to age. I don't want to be too old to run around with my kids and have fun with them. Growing up I had young parents and they were always very active with us. I have friends who had "old" parents and they didn't do nearly as many active things together. I don't want to be that old dad. Maybe your husband feels the same way.

        You're only 21 so it isn't as much of a factor for you as it is for him.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          I was originally hoping to have kids at about the late twenties early thirties, but there is a seven year age difference between us so I am considering having them sooner out of respect for his age (but still waiting until we graduate, he will be settled into a career before I am anyway).

          The thing that surprises me is that he is a very childlike and playful guy himself. He's a very responsible adult (pays the bills on time, full-time job, good grades, perfectly functional) and he acts in a mature manner, but he has a very childlike spirit so I do not see him as a 28 year old man, that's what makes it difficult.

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          • chubbawubba69
            12 years ago

            I think being childlike is just part of being a man. When I started my first "real job" after college I was shocked to see that the maturity levels of 40 year old men I worked with wasn't much different than mine was at age 22.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              12 years ago

              He's a little comic book nerd too, I have just been having a hard time trying to fathom the thought of a guy that acts like a kid ("You're making cupcakes! Yay cupcakes!") to be in an adult mind set to have kids.

              Now I am not saying that the desire for children is an adult mindset, rather he respects my desire to wait and understand that children are expensive and that I am only 21 and have a few years before I am ready to do so, but is it normal for a guy that's childish like him ("I wasn't asleep... Ok... I was... But I'm awake now, do do do do..." childish v.v) to have a mature mindset to want kids?

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Wait until your own brain develops first before you make such a major decision. That's 25!!!!

    I was married at 25 and deliberately waited 8 years before I got pregnant to wait until we were financially secure.

    I think he is in fantasy land!! If he wants a reality check you should babysit a lot and even borrow one to let some parents go for a weekend break.

    I hate to put a dampener on his child-like ways but my ex brother in law was wonderful with kids!!! Until he persuaded my sister to have 4 kids under 6 yo - then he walked out and left her. He said living with another woman who had no kids was 'easier' :o( Too right it was! He wanted to play, not change shitty nappies, get up in the middle of the night, not being able to get to the gym anymore, being on constant call, etc etc.

    He can have kids at any age 90+ so it should be your time clock that's ticking.

    Please borrow one and be very very sure you want one coz you can't send them back and you really have no idea of the major change to your life. Suddenly, it's all about the child - he won't get a look in! I only had the one coz it's so mind-numbing!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      He is very good with kids and has done a lot of babysitting (he has many nieces and nephews as he is the youngest of four) and I raised my siblings from the time they were infants and did a short internship at a daycare dealing with regular and special needs kids so knowing what we are getting ourselves into is not really the issue.

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  • REvEnGE
    12 years ago

    Yes, it is. But you guys should wait till graduates.

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  • LovelyMouadh
    12 years ago

    he is normal !
    u r not ! :)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      ...ok then?

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You will be fine, just wait a little longer, you both still have plenty of time, and getting your careers in order, which will lead to your finances being in order will make all the difference later in life. Eye on that ball.

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  • NocturnePonyFan
    11 years ago

    Not normal!

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  • Abnormallynormal
    12 years ago

    Be careful...kids ain't cheap and will change your relationship foreva. Not to say its a bad thing just make sure your ready for the kids sake!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Which is why I want to wait lol
      I want to enjoy life a little first. Like I've said above, I've raised my siblings and kids are great to take along if you know how to make them behave (and trust me, I do) but newborns can not be taken to the bathroom let alone to NYC or something.

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  • taciturn
    12 years ago

    I don't think either of you are being "abnormal" about this. It's normal to want children, particularly when you start to approach his age group, though I must say it sounds like he's pestering you a little obsessively. If you're not comfortable with the idea at this moment (which is also totally normal considering YOUR age group) then you should make that clear to him. There's no reason for him to badger you about something that you're not ready for, and I think it's smart to wait until you are both financially stable and out of school.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      He doesn't badger but he does fantasize aloud.
      He doesn't ask or anything like that but he talks about it quite a bit and he understands that I am just not ready yet and even agrees that it is best to wait until we both have better jobs, but his mantra is "whenever your ready, any time".
      I kind of feel bad for making him wait until he is in his thirties though. In my family, the males generally do not want children (my father did not want children) and my Mom, while not a big proponent of grandchildren ASAP (she is still in her 40's and wants me to wait until she is at least 50 before calling her Grandma), she was unusually happy about my having found a guy that wants kids.

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      • taciturn
        12 years ago

        Ah, okay. It sounded like he brought this up a lot. But either way, it's enough that you're on this site asking about it. It's good that he understands your feelings on the matter and the decision to become financially stable first - a wise choice in my opinion.

        You should understand (and I get the feeling that you do) that feeling bad for making him wait and your mother's wishes shouldn't overshadow those other factors. If you're not ready emotionally and financially, then you shouldn't have a baby.

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  • Fatcat76
    12 years ago

    yes it is normal to want to have kids. I have always wanted to be a Daddy and thankfully I am.

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  • InvadingPotatoLeader
    12 years ago

    I want to have kids too when I meet the right person.
    Your husband is just 100% sure you are the one for him and he wants children.
    I do understand your point of view though, you're 21 so it's not a surprise you want to wait with it.

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  • emotionalwreck4ever
    12 years ago

    sounds really cute for a guy wanting to have kids. sounds like yuu have a family, keep him (:

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I wouldn't trade being a father for the world. Wanting to be one is normal. Being responsible, but childlike proves that he will, most likely, be good at it. Waiting till you're in your mid to upper 20s is a good idea though.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      He's very good with kids but it was the childlike thing that worried me. He's not developementally challenged or anything, but he is a kid sometimes.

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        Being childlike would help him relate to kids. Especially when it comes to dad's time to play with them, they really latch on and have a lot of fun with someone who has the imagination...and the guts to act like one of them. That really is a good thing.

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