Is it normal that my husband and his brother are so close?

30% Normal
9 Comments

My husband is an identical twin. His twin brother absolutely hates me. When pressed he gives reasons ranging from " She told the girl I like that I'm single, how do you think that made me look?" to " We disagree religiously" as ridiculous reasons for his hatred. I've long since deduced and accepted that the REAL reason he hates me is because he is jealous of my relationship with his brother and feels that I am taking his brother away from him.
His jealousy however, has gotten out of control. He has banned me from his home. The reason is " When J comes to visit it needs to just be 'brother time'." Recently I gave up smoking and my husband gave up his occasional cigar in a show of support. For their birthday the brother gave him a card with a picture of a cat smoking a cigarette that said "Do stuff you aren't supposed to" and gave him a cigar. Hubs knew this would be a trigger for me and suggested they have 'brother time' soon and smoke them then when I wouldn't be around. Brother gave me a nasty look and demanded they smoke right then and there.
Hubs recently got an amazing job opportunity just a few hours away from where we currently live. Since telling his brother about it the brother has been putting in applications and looking for apartments in the city we'd move to. He says "Of course if you move I'll move too."
His brother demands a large amount of time from my husband ( 5 or 6 hours per visit 3 to 4 nights a week) and gets angry at ME if my hubby is busy and can't spend "alone" time with him. We have learned to never rely on his brother for a ride during these visits because he often flat out refuses to bring my husband home despite my husbands requests to leave.

Is this level of attachment normal?

Voting Results
30% Normal
Based on 103 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    My boyfriend is a twin and it seems that twins don't function right without each other at first. It takes some getting used to, Your husband is probably nearly as dependent on his brother as his brother is on him, or he would put his foot down.

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  • Hamid37USA
    10 years ago

    When I brother come visit I keep wife in basement. Problem solve. Last 4 wife am still there.

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    • RoMiff
      10 years ago

      ass hole

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  • AbnormallyAwesome
    10 years ago

    Maybe it's time you and your brother in law share some time without your husband. Be honest and open and work things out. You both love your husband so you have some common ground. If he gets childish or cranky just don't go with it. To some degree you'll have to live with him anyway.

    Another thing you could try which worked for me in some situations:
    Treat him as if he already was the way you want him to be. Sounds weird, I know...
    Just instead of pointing out what he's doing wrong, point out what he's doing right. Thank him that he understands that you and your husband need your time together. Show that you like him and he will have a reason to like you too. Once he likes you he will realise that you're not taking his brother away, but that he now also has a sister. Then there's no reason he can't spend his time with both of you.

    I can't guarantee it will work, but it worked with a boss I once had and it usually works with dogs.

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  • Erik963
    10 years ago

    That is not normal.

    Do not listen to others. He is your husband and you should have his full support. He has no right kicking you out of your home because of his excuse of a brother.

    Give him a choice, his brother or you.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I was married to a twin and never saw any treatment like you are getting. Actually my wife's sister accepted me right away, because her sister loved me, not even knowing me.
    I agree with the time to have him choose crowd.
    I doubt you have a future with your man if you don't stand your ground and make him choose. I'm sure it will be extremely hard on you whichever way it goes, but what you are living now is intolerable.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    10 years ago

    in all honesty it sounds like you're also jealous of the time he spends with his brother.

    i imagine both sides - you and your brother in law - have valid and invalid complaints about the other party.

    the question is... if you're willing to work them through and compromise.

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    • RoMiff
      10 years ago

      I'm not jealous about it. I encourage my husband to spend time with his brother, invite him to dinner etc.
      However I am angry that I am treated like a second class citizen when his brother is around.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        10 years ago

        but you forgot the other part of my comment...

        both of you have valid and invalid complaints about the other party.
        The question is whether or not you're willing to work through them and compromise?

        and by compromise it's not all "he listens to you" but that you also listen to him etc.

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