Is it normal that my guy wants to change me, my looks?

16% Normal

Hey, I have a boyfriend for the past 2 years. He is a narcissist, not totally but he is. I was fine with that. But he has issues with me too. I look fine the way I am but he asks me a lot of times with odd requests, like:
- to apply blah blah on my hair & my skin to make them glowing & all (i have Asian complexion & fine hair)
- to always dress up nicely (i dress up good)
- to go out shopping with him so that he can buy me good clothes (i already have a lot of clothes, I don't need anymore)
etc etc
I belong to a well to do family. I dress up sober. I hate make up & I am far from what he wants me to be, like all perfectly dolled up, with great hair & skin. I mean, I have good skin. Is he ashamed of me? I mean guys do still ask me out a lot of times. I do get male attention. Initially I wondered all he is asking me to do is look good but lately he confessed that I am a Plain Jane & I should spruce myself up. He should accept the way I am. Is the outer appearance everything to a person's personality?

Voting Results

16% Normal

Based on 62 votes (10 yes)

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Comments ( 35 )

[Old Memory]

11 years ago | pl

If he is wanting you to change, then why did he get with you in the first place? If he can't accept you for who you are, then you shouldn't have to put up with him.

In my opinion, you should leave him and find someone that will like you for who you are.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  I ll talk to him and sort out as much as I can. Thank u
  
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[Old Memory]

11 years ago

The narcissist, truly a wonder of nature with a somewhat admirable "do it, do it now" attitude. But you probably shouldn't give in, because he'll be unhappy with you no matter what.

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emilydoll

11 years ago

that would seriously piss me off.

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dinz

11 years ago

A relationship is all about making compromises, but that in my opinion crossed that line.

If he loves you, he should accept you for who you are. Not what he wants you to be.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  Thanks
  
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yesnomaybeso

11 years ago

I think he doesnt like the way you are. Well, I guess he does like you but he prefers you to be even more perfect, and go on the streets with a perfect girl. And you don't deserve this you deserve to be whoever you wanna be!

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  You're absolutely right
  
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lufa

11 years ago

As a somewhat narcissistic guy, I can see where he's coming from. He looks good and wants the girl on his arm to look good too. When I was younger, I used to get off on walking around with my hot girlfriends and turning heads and let guys envy me and girls envy her. lol

though one time I dated this model and people just looked at her, I was invisible, it was a little demoralizing. Only now I realize I was lucky to have her but I took her for granted at the time.

Anyways-I think I made my point in my first paragraph. If you're not into showing off a little and looking good, find a guy who'll appreciate you just being boring old you.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  i liked that!!
  
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  - lufa
    
    11 years ago
    
    Thanks
    
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[Old Memory]

11 years ago

Why not date a guy who likes you as you are?

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  we had a long discussion yesterday
  i could make out he is giving lame reasons for all my questions
  bt in the end i felt little guilty & not totally satisfied with the chit chat!
  next tym i ll punctuate him wenever he acts tht way
  
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  - VioletTrees
    
    11 years ago
    
    Why did you feel guilty?
    
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    - shefali
      
      11 years ago
      
      because he clarified that all he wants is to see me in different styled attires & all, he said he isn't ashamed, its jz when two ppl love each other they like to buy each other stuff n clothes acc to their own desires or fantasies..
      But I clearly remember he blurted out before that I am so simple & I should embellish myself..
      
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      - ccjigsaw
        
        11 years ago
        
        Pish posh. I remember my bf told me I looked fat once. ONCE. I'm not fat and never have been, but those kind of comments stick with you. No wonder you don't want to change for him. Some people would just jump up and do it for him, but he really should like you for who you are. No offense intended, but if someone truly loves you they will not care if you doll yourself up :/ After he said you were "simple" he lost all chances.
        
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        shefali
        
        11 years ago
        
        he is a lot better now!!
        thanks
        i talked to him...
        
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ccjigsaw

11 years ago

My bf had a habit like this when we 1st starting going out. He dropped that attitude quick. I'm like you, natural beauty, I don't need make up. Like your bf, my bfs not that bad, but he does have this habit of nit picking once in a while. You know it never hurts to remind him that you can have alot of guys, but you choose him. Helps him realize you really are beautiful and don't have to change for him cause alot of guys would be happy with you the way you are.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  we talked abt it!!
  everything's sorted.. :D
  thanks everyone
  
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Short&2thepoint

11 years ago

Go find an ugly guy. :D. They'll appreciate you, guaranteed.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  in d same way they appreciate u??
  
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Hamid37USA

11 years ago

when i come usa you be wife and i buy for you many clothes for sex, yes!
-hamid

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  how come u need clothes for sex??
  weird culture!!
  
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  - Hamid37USA
    
    11 years ago
    
    clothes make good trades for sex intercorse. women need them for outside. good.
    -hamid
    
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    - shefali
      
      11 years ago
      
      Outside??
      as in u do it outside or what!!!
      plz see a doc n help urself
      
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Trance38

11 years ago

I think he wants a sort of "trophy gf" type of thing.

He wants to show people that he is dating the hottest girl in town. It's all about getting others to envy what he has.

He obviously likes you or he wouldn't have dated you, he just wants you to dress up and look your best, he sees you have the potential to do so.

Ask yourself this.....

Does he look good for YOU ? Does he regularly go to the gym and workout ? Does he dress elegantly ? If he does try to look his best for YOU, then you could do the same for him. If however, he looks like an average guy and he just wants YOU to look really hot but doesn't bother with his apperance, then DUMP HIM. He obviously doesn't care about you, he just wants you to look hot like those girls off porn that he jerks to... selfish asshole.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  thanks :)
  
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ginz

11 years ago

personally I dont like "perfectly dolled up" girls.. as well not my friends. if u don't like make up much then don't. just date a guy who likes u for who u r.
remember this:
"Fuck Me or Fuck Off" :)

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  :D
  I liked tht
  
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peek-a-boo930

11 years ago

Don't change he should love you for who you are and if don't then hes not right for you. No person is worth changing yourself for. You will make enough changes when find you the right one, settle down and have kids but then both you and him will change together for the good.

Make yourself happy and always be yourself. Is someone doesn't like that then f them. You deserve to be happy.

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- shefali
  
  11 years ago
  
  It is so easy to say & so hard to implement!! :-|
  
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  - peek-a-boo930
    
    11 years ago
    
    I know I've been in your shoes but it was the best move I did moving on. I'm now with a great guy getting married and our second child on the way. I've never been happier. You deserve to be happy too.
    
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    - shefali
      
      11 years ago
      
      wow!!
      Congratulations!!
      wish u hav a great life ahead!!
      cheers.. :D
      
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Imsupernormal

11 years ago

You should change. Plain Janes are fugly.

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- Short&2thepoint
  
  11 years ago
  
  Trolling douche. :P
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that my guy wants to change me, my looks?