Is it normal that my girlfriend won't let me pleasure her?

57% Normal
2 Comments

I'm dating a younger woman for the first time in my life. I'm 25 and she is 19. We get along wonderfully and really enjoy dating and spending time together. The problem I have is the sex is kind of weird. She's far from a virgin (she had a long term boyfriend in high school and a couple of shorter flings in college). I don't get her sexual behavior though. She seems to like the intimacy of sexual contact - in fact she often initiates sexual activity. The problem is she will not let me get her off (hands, mouth, vibrator, nothing!). We make out until I get hard and she gets wet and then she wants me inside of her. She flat out refuses any suggestion I make (see above) about ways before or after that I could get her off. She also says she rarely if ever masturbates.

She claims she really enjoys (not in the big O kind of way though) my being inside of her and she says it feels good, and makes her happy.

The problem is I totally feel like I'm using this poor girl. I'm not a no foreplay and stick it in and cum kind of lover. And while I certainly enjoy being inside of her, the lack of reciprocity makes me increasingly uncomfortable.

Voting Results
57% Normal
Based on 21 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Alysin
    11 years ago

    She might just not be into it, her past boyfriends could have not known what they were doing and she doesn't want to mess with it, or she might be a little insecure about how she looks down there

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    Have you talked to her about this? There must be a reason and without knowing that I can't give you the best advice.

    Alysin made some good points, I know a surprising amount of women who are insecure or don't like the way they look down there and are self conscious about letting guys get close.

    She could have had a bad experience with an old lover. It could just be the fact that it doesn't sound like she's ever had an orgasm so she thinks it's a waste of time. Hell she could even feel like she was being selfish or something, people can have weird hangups.

    The most important thing is to reach an understanding between the two of you. Sit down with her next time you see a good opportunity. Tell her what you told us... you feel bad that she's not letting you reciprocate any pleasure onto her and that you feel like you're being selfish. Find out exactly what it is that makes her avoid those things and see if you can reach an understanding.

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