Is it normal that my fiancé sexts as a woman?

7 Comments

My fiancé is pansexual and has had multiple partners of different genders in the past, which I'm ok with. We've been together for 4 years . we're in a monogamous relationship and he's made me very happy and vice versa. I found out a few weeks ago that he created an account on a porn site and is pretending to be a girl on there. He's sexting with multiple guys talking very dirty. I found out about it by accident and when I did, I confronted him about it. He was defensive at first and after a few flare-ups he explained why he didn't tell me (didn't want to freak me out because he thinks it's bizarre too) why he's doing it: it's just a masturbatory thing, he isn't cheating because he's never going to meet with these guys, and it's a stress reliever from the stress of job searching. He's still doing it, almost every day, for a few hours, whether I'm at home or at work. He also sexts using texting apps on the web. We have sex regularly and he says he's super happy with me. I believe him. Is this something normal some guys do?

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Unnormal 0
completely bizarre 1
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Comments ( 7 )
  • novalight
    6 years ago

    Thanks for the comments guys. Appreciate it :)

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  • MR.mr
    6 years ago

    weird but if he's not meeting them, sending his own pics, and it's just fantasy...hmm... well its not right that he didn't tell you and it's most certainly not normal but guess it's not cheating, so if you're ok with it I guess it's ok.

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  • SpongeBobSquareBants
    6 years ago

    If it's a 'troll' thing then I think you're probably fine. He's most likely just finding it funny how desperately the men want a woman, which is not the most flattering thing to hear about your finance.

    However, I'm confused reading your post, at points it sounds as if he is sexting, using his own genitalia, if this is the case then it is not acceptable in any measure, even if he says he won't meet with them.

    P.S. You may actually be okay with him sexting using his own genitals if you want your relationship to change from monogamous, I just spoke in a general overview.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      No he's not using his genitalia! lol. he couldn't or they'd catch on that he's not who he says he is. Yeah when I pointed out to him that he's being deceitful he says he's sure some of the guys suspect, but they get off anyway, so he feels content helping them masturbate and have fun

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      • SpongeBobSquareBants
        6 years ago

        Okay, well it really comes down to your feelings, if you aren't happy with it then you need to confront him. If he doesn't stop then maybe this is an indication that he's getting something from this other than simple entertainment. Regardless, just talking to him if you're unhappy if the best route. If you are happy with him doing it, then it really doesn't matter if it's normal.

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        • novalight
          6 years ago

          I honestly believe he doesn't think it's cheating. Which it isn't I guess, technically. But it feels icky to me.I thought I'd be ok with it, I've let it slide for a couple months. But the more I think about it, I don't like that he's sexting incredibly nasty stuff with random guys even if it's under a "woman profile" and doesn't mean anything to him. I've said the following to him several times when bringing up the issue: 1) That it's deceitful to be someone you're not 2) That even if it's just fantasy he's exchanging fantasies with strangers; it's not cheating, but damn close. 3) that I thought this was a thing of the past, (he used to do this when he was single too) and now that it's "back" it's disruptive 4) That I trust he's a good person and means well but that some of his boundaries are WAY past what I'm comfortable with.
          He is obviously annoyed when I talk about it, says I should trust that he wouldn't do anything stupid, that he won't cheat and that it's just some fun. He wishes I wouldn't make such a big deal out of it. I love this guy a lot, but how the hell can I get through to him? In a fit of rage he said "fine I'll delete it all, make you happy?" but I don't want him to do it out of anger!

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          • SpongeBobSquareBants
            6 years ago

            Honestly, if he can see how much he's bothering you with this and isn't even bothered beyond the irritation of you constantly asking... perhaps you should consider what you can do: break up, or get over it.

            Honestly, now you've explained it I don't think it's as big a deal as I may have made it sound, but I stand by the "do what makes you happy" philosophy.

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