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Recently I saw my 13 teen year old daughter and her best friend masturbating together, with clothes on of course. I was just wondering if it is normal for them to be doing that and if it is not just them doing that? Should I be worried?
Really, you think so? I guess you are right. It is just a part of growing up, they were use experimenting their sexuality. Do you think that most/ sme kids do that?
Thanks, Gravy!
Firstly, sorry for the word 'foot', I don't have 3G most and it's a challenge to type on the phone.
This is perfectly normal to experiment. Actually, I'm surprised they had cloths on. My daughter is grown up now and is heterosexual. However, my boy is 14, if he told me if it gay, I'd give him a kiss then play scissors, paper, rock to see what movie we would watch at the cinema.
I already gave him advice about having a pull, that was always lock bathroom or bedroom door cos it's bloody embarrassing to get caught.
If you read some posts, older women talk about when they were teenagers they let their family dog sleep with them and lick their pussy. I don't want to scare you with that last comment, but relax Worried Mum, your daughter is normal, just experimenting, learning and don't forget, it feels good.
In short, masturbating with a friend is quite common, more-so than people think, because their kids keep it very secret. Child psychologists and sex therapists say it is a normal healthy part of childhood sexual development.
The following two articles describe childhood sexual development in detail. Your daughter mutually masturbating with a friend fits in fine with both:
http://www.stopitnow.org/age_appropriate_sexual_behavior
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/research/questions/worried_about_sexual_behaviour_wda68877.html
Please read my other comment if you have not yet. I know its long, but it draws on a lot of professional research that I read.
ive never done this before with any friend or have heard of it till now. to do something ur supposed to do i private? ur daughter is really close friends with that girl and keeps no secrets or theyre perverted
Yes hun, it's completely normal (as you've posted in other questions/posts)... in fact, masturbation is as innocuous as it gets, perhaps even stress relieving at an emotional level if shared with very close friends. Why we cover and hide our bodies from each other (especially family) when we're willing to change in front of friends, be at the beach in next to nothing (or nothing in the case of my family) and then get all prudish on the topic of pleasure and fun is beyond me.
We are ALL the product of sex, we enjoy sex, we're aroused and we're meant to share it with each other in a loving way. I'm sure you've given your daughter foot or back rubs, they made her feel better, you both enjoyed yourselves... why should guilt enter the picture because she and her friend rub their clits instead of a toe or sole or back?
My advice? Remove the shame and guilt, enable and empower her to accept her sexuality, encourage her (and yourself and her friends) to be comfortable in the nude at your home. Relax on the sofa with them and put on a girl-girl flick and enjoy, dont be ashamed of it but rather enjoy every minute!
Kisses
Sorry for the wall of text so, TL;DR: offer her advice, answer her questions, nothing is off-topic, be VERY positive about sexuality, assure her that sex/masturbation is healthy (but explain there are limits).
Yes, if you ask any child psychologist or sex therapist, they will tell you that sex experimentation and games with other children (including siblings & cousins) during pre-puberty into puberty, is a normal healthy part of childhood sexual development. DO NOT interfere with her. Let her discover herself in her own time.
HOWEVER, without telling her that you saw her with her friend (if she doesn't know already), sit her down and give her "the talk", (if you haven't yet), its time. Tell her she can ask you ANYTHING without embarrassment or shame. NOTHING is off-topic. If she doesn't bring up masturbation, you do it. Explain it in detail. This may make you feel uncomfortable, but do it anyway, like ripping off a band-aid.
If she knows about things like vibrators (she might have heard about them from friends), explain them to her. Consider buying her one, and explain how to use it, internally and especially externally. Although this might be something that you'd prefer to do in a few years time..
Also, read through this Tumblr post about "being sex positive in a negative world": http://neobarbarians.tumblr.com/post/33500800330/of-being-sex-positive-in-a-sex-negative-world