Is it normal that my dad acts this way? -emotional abuse?

When I was a lot younger, I was a daddy's girl. I loved my dad terribly, we did a lot of stuff together and we were pretty much inseperable. He was my best friend. But, within the past 2 years that's changed. It gets worse every day, more and more frequent. Everyday, my Father yells at me at least 3 times a day. Sometimes it can be for pointless reasons such as: Taking coffee with on a trip or not using real cheese because we don't have any for the nachos I prepared for him. (I had to use velveeta cheese.) Other times, I feel as if he takes what I do to a whole new level. I have a therapy dog so I take her wherever I go. Lately she has decided to refuse to get in our car. Backing up away from it even if I have a treat for her. I forgot to call the canine assistance helpline the other night. I'm busy with work and schoolwork. He forgets things all the time yet, when I told him I forgot he yelled me terribly. Telling me that all I do is piss and moan about problems but never do anything about them. He called me irresponsible and useless. Thats only one moment within tons of moments that he's done that. In October, I came upstairs asking him if he put anti virus software on my laptop, He's an IT guy, he fixes computers for a living. I thought he placed it on there since I am forbidden to put any programs on my laptop and every button I click is constantly watched and tracked by him. There's only certain times when doesn't watch me. After I asked him that his face turned red, he said no. Then my computer froze up and he asked me what I clicked on to cause this angrily. I told him I didn't click any signs or banners. He didn't believe me. I told him that over and over, he called me a liar, a bitch, and then punched me in the face shocking me because that was the first time he ever physically hurt me for non punishment reasons. (As a child he'd whip me if I did something wrong with a leather strip) Then as I laid crying in the corner he mimiced my crying, mocking me. He apologized after but not genuinely. As if It was just so i'd shut up. These type of incidents happen often. I already go to counseling for anorexia. one day my mother and my father decided to join in counseling with me. The entire time was surrounded on how to fix things. He claimed that he shouldn't have treated me so terribly, and that he should be more patient. But, as soon as we got home that hope of mine that I received from the counseling session disappeared. He screamed as I looked at my stomach in the mirror an hour later. The more stressed out I am the more I feel my low self esteem kicking in. My parents keep insisting that I stay for community college to save money. But, to be honest, I don't want to but, I'm also afraid not to stay for my bad financial situation with having to pay medical bills and take care of my therapy dog. So, using these few examples... Do you guys think I'm being emotionally abused by my father? Or is this just his way of being a teaching parent?

Voting Results
7% Normal
Based on 57 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 29 )
  • Short4Words

    No this is definitely abuse. I don't think you should live with someone that can stoop so low, I cannot say if he loves you or not but if he punched you in the face and then made fun of you after it might mean he is quite unstable. You go to counselling for your anorexia, do you talk about him a lot?

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  • Energy

    He sounds horrible. I'd get out as fast as you can. He sounds like a dangerous and unstable man. Get help. Or leave. Maybe both.

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    • Insomniac21

      I'm kind of confused. He keeps telling me that the only reason he screams is because he cares about me and hurts me when it's deserved. He says I don't listen when hes gentle to me and I told him that I don't listen when he yells at me or hurts me. Last night we spent about 5 hours yelling back and forth about my eating disorder. He kept threatening to hurt me and mimicking me when I cry. He told me that if i'd make the eating disorder go away fast he'd express love for me again. I can't get rid of it overnight. I've been suffering with it for a year+ it's become a part of my lifestyle. He says that I'm being a cruel daughter and making him suffer because of it.

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      • SchizoidPsycho

        I was raised by two parents similar and worse to this. My advice is to get out, or distance yourself as soon as you can. The longer and longer you take the abuse, the more damaging the effects are on you later (and in all aspects)of life.

        From the way you describe it, it sounds like he love you but he certainly is emotionally unstable and is probably projecting many of his own issues onto you. What role does your mother play in all this?

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      • Ellenna

        He's a bully and sorry, he doesn't care about you, that's obvious from the way he's treating you. So he's only going to love you again if you magically cure yourself of your eating disorder?? WTF! Does he have a full brain, is he mentally disturbed or just using you as a scapegoat for his own inadequacies? Or maybe all three? He's obviously the oe who's cruel, not you.

        So he used to beat you with a leather strap and now he's punching you and verbally abusing you? He doesn't deserve to have a daughter!

        I just noticed your post if a year old - I'd love to have an update, because I'm hoping you've managed to get away from this abusive situation.

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      • Energy

        I'm sorry to say this, but he's acting like a child. An abusive, angry, emotional child. Abusing you for your eating disorder won't make it go away. I actually had an ED in middle school. My parents were not happy but they did their best to support me.

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  • dom180

    He's abusing you. He does not have your best interests at heart, only his own. He isn't hurting you because he wants to teach you anything, he's hurting you because he likes it. No normal parent would ever strike their child with their fist like that no matter what the reason.

    I'm not in a position to give you any specific advice. It sounds like you should do anything you can to leave home, because anything sounds better than where you are now. Is your mother someone you can safely turn to? Do you have friends or anyone at college you can talk to? Have you told your counselor about what he does? There might be ways you can get money from the government or registered charities to allow you to move away from your parents. If you get away it can get better.

    Will your father read what is said on this site?

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    • shuggy-chan

      If he does I hope it shame him, it make me feel ashamed to share the same gender as a scum bag like him. But probably wouldnt

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      • dom180

        I just hope he doesn't try and teach the OP any more "lessons" based on what she's said here :/

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        • shuggy-chan

          I know =\

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    • Insomniac21

      My mother is always on his side no matter what. I talk to my friends but they don't really understand because of the stress with my dad and my anorexia drama at home as well. I don't really have a friend to stay with because my closest friend that I actually trust lives like 3 hours away.

      He wont read any of this because I use the school's computers during study hall to do research on this. Otherwise I'd receive serious consequences.

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  • spaghettifrier

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like your dad is hurting you and in the long run himself as well. Guilt is not fun to live with. I think his emotions are out of control..he feels guilty that you are hurt by him but irrationally more angry toward you for being hurt by him. just my guess.

    At any rate, I really hope you have other loving people in your life. I don't really have any advice for this--there's no cure for this kind of situation. You have to be as strong as you can. Your dad is supposed to protect you but he is acting like an angry, undisciplined child toward you. I know the relationship between a parent and child is so precious that when something like this comes into it, it is a tragedy of the heart.

    I wish you the best in this. I hope you get through it a stronger person

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    • Insomniac21

      Thank you.

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  • Avant-Garde

    You should tell your therapist about what is going on between you and your father. Is there somewhere else that you can stay? Like with a friend or a relative?

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    • Insomniac21

      I've already told my therapist. She doesn't believe me because he acts like an angel around her. &No, if I revealed these issues to any other relatives i'd be punished big time. & My closest friend that i'd actually trust enough to stay with is 3 hours away. I highly doubt that they'd let me go they do anything to make me stay here. I don't even have my drivers licence yet.

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      • Avant-Garde

        Can you get another therapist? Also, if you are desperate, you could contact the police and tell them what has been going on.

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  • tori

    You really should tell your therapist. Maybe they have a way to help you.

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    • Insomniac21

      I already do. She doesn't believe me quite as much as I wish she would because every time he's around her, hes delightful, kind, and very gentle with me. The second we go home it turns around and goes right back to yelling and hating.

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      • tori

        I'm sorry for what your going through.
        My kids had almost the same problem as you. My husband, kids and I went to therapy. Hubby would say he's not changing and the kids have to deal with it. He wouldn't hit them, but could be verbally abusive. He only changed when his mother died and I threatened divorce.
        In hindsight, I should have divorced him anyway.
        Back in the day there really wasn't much help for moms with kids who leave their husbands.
        He is a good man now. He's done a complete 180. My adult children care about him again.
        I hope things get better for you.
        This is not being a teacher parent. You need to talk to someone who will actually listen to you. Keep talking. Until you get an outsiders attention.
        Take care

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  • I was thinking he just had typical anger management problems until I got to the part where he punched you in the face and it just went downhill after that.

    You need to get away from him. His behavior is not normal at all and is very abusive.

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  • RoseIsabella

    No offense, but dad sounds like a real piece piece crap to put it mildly and he appears to be jealous of your dog in my humble opinion.

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    • Insomniac21

      What do you mean by jealous?

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  • 69

    i'm curious to know what a therapy dog is...

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  • (s)aint

    The best advice that I can give you is to tell people, tell every teacher you know at school and tell relatives. Until someone finally believes you.

    If your father finds out and hits you for it? "good" now you have evidence!

    Do you have a cellphone? Record him when he gets verbally abusive with you.

    regarding your friend that lives three hours away, call her and ask!

    I'll also agree with the rest, get out! Or you might end up damaged for the rest of your life.

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  • SchizoidPsycho

    Ok infact, scrolling down and reading your replies, I will stick to my initial statement and infact reinforce it.

    I know fully well what it's like when no one believes you or can't see past the bright smile and facade they put on. It's so hard for people to imagine them being so cruel. When behind closed doors, they're insulting your every move, and using you as a punchbag whenever it suits them best.

    At least he apologises, but the problem is you get trapped in a vicious cycle. On a good day, you think maybe its not so bad, maybe things can better, even..maybe its over!?

    Unfortunately not, especially if your dad is not self aware and recieving treatment for his own issues.

    I also know what its like to not have much family or friends or have them betray you in the process of supposed 'help'. My mother was the main abuser in the house and like yours, my father would just agree with what she said/let her do whatever, then come and tell me 'you know whats she's like, she does it to me to, just ignore her'.

    It becomes extremely confusing, and still today I don't know what to do, as unfortunately when family are the main source of your issues there are very few places to run.

    Sorry you have to go through this, hope you get better soon but take action. You don't deserve a life like this, and do not want to live one of misery as a result.

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  • awesomeadvice88

    This is emotional abuse! Not only emotional but physical abuse, also there are plenty of ways that you can sort this issue out, if your scared around your dad tell someone, anyone, does your mum know he does this if so she needs to do something or she is also in the wrong! No father should hit their children! I'd smack him myself if I knew who he was to see how he liked it, not acceptable, tbh I'm sorry I don't know him! If he is that bad that even your dog recoils from him that says something, dogs sense danger very well and also sense emotions better than any human! It will sense anger and abuse also fear and hurt! If your dog is scared, it shows you are scared too! Please do something for your own safety! Childline, social services anything! Go live with another relative! I'm sorry I couldn't physically help you but I would love too, my dad went through abuse like this when he was young by his dad, when he got old enough he smacked his father in the face, his dad never touched him again! I hope you find some help from somewhere even if I have provided some for you over IIN! I sympathise with you greatly, I really hope you find a way of ending this abuse!

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  • DiamondGirl

    What's a therapy dog? Are there therapy Cats? As for your daddy slap him upside his bald head! I'll do it. Bring him here.

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    • Insomniac21

      I used to have epilepsy really bad. I was born 3 months early. Since I did, I had a stroke when I was younger. Dogs can sense when a seizure comes on. I used to have seizures quite often. Since I've gotten older they're quite rare but, I still have my dog because she used to help me and now I take her to retirement homes and help other people. So she used to be a service dog, now shes a therapy dog.

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      • DragonQueen

        I was wondering what a therapy dog was. That's so nice I love animals, I can't stand to see them be harmed Im very sensitive like that. Im glad that you have your dog to help u. Good luck with that crazy daddy of yours. Don't worry Karma will get him later. I'm sure.

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