Is it normal that my brother has been a asshole since he was born?

My brother is one of the biggest assholes I know and he's been that way since he was born. He was a terribly annoying kid, and mom claims he's that way because she was stressed when she had him. He was always hitting the dog with a stick, pitching a fit when he lost a game, broke our CDs, fought with all the younger girls in our extended families (which caused rifts between our relatives), hit us and just plain annoyed the heck out of us. I remember my other brother and I locking him out of the room because we couldn't stand him. As the years went by, he became less violent but only changed slightly attitude-wise (though he still continued fighting with little girls). He became addicted to video games and was one of the biggest liars I've ever met. Know that he was older, my parents tried to get him to help around the house but to no avail. He pitched a fit whenever we asked him to do any little thing, like clean dishes or even his own. We fought all the time. So even though he was a little calmer as an older kid, he's now a teenager and has become almost unbearable. He has his moments where we actually act like everything's normal and we're friends, but then he goes around and causing some big fight with my parents over the stupidest things. For instance, today the dumbass left our house at night because my mother cut his hair too short and he was furious. He even threatened to hit my mother, but he just stormed out in a rage to go to a friend's house. To make matters worse, a police caught him wandering around and were questioning my mother, although he still refused to go home. He always does this, like cause huge fights over the stupidest things and he always threatens my mother or one of us. My parents have disciplined him but nothing seems to work, and no amount of talking will change him mind or open his mind to the fact that he's only hurting himself and his family. By this point it's turned into a chicken or egg thing, where my parents are so used to lecturing him that they always do, and because he feels so put down he goes around and does exactly what they don't like. The most horrible part is that I know he's a good kid, but he's so closed minded that he doesn't see that we do care. I always try to help his relationship with my parents. I always try to clean the mess, but I'm afraid that won't help either. And my parents are giving up on him after years and years of trying to be his parents, which is too sad to even think about. My mother says she wants to give up, but I hope she's not telling the truth..I hope. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to him. He's only 16 and it's gotten this bad. Where will he end up? I'm pretty sure he'll come back tonight, but I'm waiting for the day he doesn't come back, weather he ran away or was found dead. And if that happens, his family will still hurt, even after all the shit he did to us, even if we tried hard to make him understand that we love him.

Well, this is the first time I've done something like this, but I just needed to rant somewhere to someone who could give me answers...but anyways, thanks for reading.

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 71 votes (45 yes)
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Comments ( 35 )
  • Darkoil

    You have just described a normal moody teenage boy, beatings on the other hand are a shit way to discipline a child.

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  • sarajevo97

    He needs medical help!!

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  • joybird

    He sounds like a good kid but just hormonal. However, he is pushing the boundaries if he threatens your mother!!

    I give my son herbal Kalms tablets for his temper and work on the basis of reverse psychology. So, if he threatens to move out, I say, "Excellent, bye!" It's not fair that he upsets your home and is wearing your mom down - but that's just teenagers for you.

    Quite frankly, my own son was such a nightmare baby / toddler etc that I'm surprised at my own patience - amazed that he's managed to survive to this age!

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    • dichichan

      I think my mother would like to meet you, if only to confirm she's not the only one dealing with ungrateful sons! And I think people like you or my mom have a patience that's almost impossible for other people!

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      • joybird

        I really have to dig deep to keep control - otherwise I'd throttle him but he thinks I'm super reasonable. I don't moan if he's late for dinner or dumps his things off at the door. I try to save my energy for when it really matters.

        Either you or your mom need to explain to him (when he's being nice) that you are only concerned when he's not home at a certain time in case something has happened to him on the way home or that he's got into trouble. Not that you are angry at him being late (grrr) but you worry so much you or her can't sleep soundly until you hear him home. All he has to do is text where he is and what time he will be back. If he doesn't your mom is tired the next day and ratty with him. Therefore, he's creating a vicious circle.

        Hope that helps a bit.

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  • sad story well told

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    • dichichan

      Thank you. :)

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  • I don't have proof but instinct tells me your brother is trying to fulfill something. A desire; a need. Maybe even answer something for himself.

    My advice: Leave brother alone and love him, if only from a distance.

    His life is his own; he'll figure it out or perish.

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    • dichichan

      You're probably right...it's his life and he has the choice of what he wants to do with it and whether he wants his family in it or not. Good advice! though i'll probably still have to lecture him from time to time since I'm not going to let him off that easily!

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  • randomjelly

    Perhaps your mother shit him? Was he born with a peanut in his head?

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  • Clickclock

    it's just his personality. Well people's personality do change over time but I guess his is really robust. I too have a problematic brother who picks serious arguments with my dad and talks back to him over gaming on the computer. He is a serious computer addict and he fails like hell in school, he often accuses me of the being the addict when I do not even touch the comp as I have army camp to go to.

    He was that way since he was born, he wanted to best himself to me, I often mocked him for being stupid, as he really is, he could not keep up with his grades despite all the support we gave him and stuff.

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  • sky915

    Send him to a military school

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  • dichichan

    God, someone pray for us, cause we just discovered my brother did some drugs the other day. I don't blame him though, cause apparently some kid was selling them at his highschool and he was curious, as all boys are. I blame the teachers that let this happen right under their noses, since a friend overhead the kids talking about the drugs in class and told us. My parents talked it over with him and for once my brother knew they were trying to help him and consented to telling the school, only to have the school enact a stupid policy. Since my brother fessed to taking drugs, they are now sending him to another school for problem kids, even if he also told them who was giving out the drugs. My parents have to drive him there and back and are furious of the decision since it doesn't make sense to them to have a troubled kid around more troubled kids. So the school is telling us that if we'd stayed quiet, none of this would of happened and that kid would be able to still sell drugs? why would kids want to tell authorities about drugs at school for fear of getting in trouble themselves?

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  • vSlay3r

    Sounds like my brother today

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  • flounderer

    Actually, he's been an asshole since BEFORE he was born, since humans are deuterostomes .

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embryological_origins_of_the_mouth_and_anus

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  • Crudhouse

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with the kid. Probably going through a tough time. My parents didn't understand my bro and kept kicking his ass when he'd do simple things that they'd blow out of proportion (the general Asian mentality). It turns out that he was schizophrenic. I remember exactly how this happened and mostly it was because of sporadic and inconsistent love and illogical corporal punishment and humiliation from my parents. My brother is one of the few people who have recovered almost completely from schizophrenia that we know, which just pushes me to think that it isn't just a chemical imbalance and that his childhood environment played a big role. Kids need a stable environment when they are growing up where parents aren't fighting all the time and where the environment isn't shifting all the time. I'm not saying that there isn't a possibility of there being innate reasons for aggresssion, just that the probability is that the environment isn't right for the kid

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    • dichichan

      Well, he goes to public school and we have discovered that he's taken some drugs recently...but my parents actually tried to help him, as I explained in my message (down at the bottom) and the school is going to make things worse for him. I don't even think he knows yet that he's being kicked out of school...

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  • Yumazing

    My younger brother is the exact same. He's so smart yet he hides it and behaves horribly. I had to go to counseling because he would hit me growing up. My parents disowned him a little while ago and it was the toughest and most heartbreaking decision they've ever made. The last time I saw him, he was a drug-addicted walmart employee. Its depressing. I hope you and your family don't have to resort to this.

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    • dichichan

      I'm sorry things turned out that way...I hope my family won't resort to that either but in the end, it all depends on him and his choice of how he wants to live his life. You can always pray for the moment when something happens to our brothers and they change the way they see the world...
      anyways, thank you for your comment. It's saddening but comforting (?) to hear from someone with similar situation

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  • Avant-Garde

    He sounds like he has an emotional disorder. Have you ever taken him to a therapist?

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    • dichichan

      Well, like I said previously, we've tried therapists but that never worked out too well. Besides, my brother doesn't like to listen to anyone anyways. He's extremely stubborn and prideful

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      • Avant-Garde

        Try to take him to a neurological hospital that specializes in testing for emotional disorders. He could even get a brain scan.

        Talk about the possibility with your family and then a doctor. Try making an appointment and if you don't think he'll come, then lie to him and tell him the you're going elsewhere.

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  • CarlBrigsby

    He could be an openly aggressive sociopath.

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    • dichichan

      He's not that bad yet and I hope he doesn't get to that point...

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      • CarlBrigsby

        With all do respect. You don't "become" a sociopath. It is regrettably something that you are born with... the absence of a conscience towards others. A sociopath is almost always miserable and the only way they can be satisfied with themselves is to make sure that everyone around them is miserable. Some sociopaths can hide this and seem like normal people, but others don't care. Tell me why you think your brother is a good kid. Has he ever done ANYTHING at all that has a redeeming social relevance?

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        • dichichan

          He does try to make my parents happy by getting good grades and stuff. When he's not causing problems, he is trying to be helpful, like when he makes my sisters cry it's because they did something wrong and he thinks he's punishing them in the absence of my parents or me. He fetches things for me when I need them, he tries helping the girls with their homework. He does do some work around the house to make my mother a little less mad at him. He's always showing me funny videos or telling me about something funny he saw today. He's always trying to get involved in stuff so he tags along with me to help at church. It's just little things like that that show me he's still a good kid. With anger issues

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          • CarlBrigsby

            Honestly, that sounds like a much more amplified version of me LOL. I think he'll grow out of it. your personality is distorted as a teenager and your annoying behaviors can get more acute. Tough it out, he'll most likely mature.

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            • dichichan

              So can I switch him for u? hehe,jk but I hope your right. He hasn't matured much in 16 years but there could always be that moment he realizes he's gotta get his stuff together right? Maybe he'll mellow out when he settles down and stuff and has angry kids making him want to run back to his family and apologize. I think my parents will tough it out just to wait for that moment and go haha! Sweet sweet revenge!

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  • Dozis

    ever tried beating the living heck out of him? It worked for me. no wait, It didn't. I stopped being like that after Finding out I had ulcerative colitis and a gastroesophageal reflux. (Burp) also a couple of guys beaten me into stupors a couple of times. Some guy made me eat glass shards. It is not a methaphor, I mean for real. I think he went through some intrauterine trauma.
    you sure your mama hasn't got banged a little too hard during pregnancy? Hey hey hey! don't hit me!

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    • dichichan

      When he did something really bad, he did get a good beating, but that doesn't work on him either and he lifts weights now to have a little more leverage...

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    I doubt it was "since he was born" since infants do not know HOW to be assholes.

    as for the hitting... what age was this happening at? remember very young children do not understand how they hurt others.

    but as an older sibling it's your job to help teach him

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    • dichichan

      Well, when he was a baby, he already displayed violence. My mom always told the story of him as an infant wanting to leap out of her arms to beat up the guy on T.V.

      And I'll keep trying to help him...He's the kind of guy to cause a huge ruckus then forget all about it the next day and act like everything is normal, like he did today. So I can't keep a grudge when he does that, which means I gotta keep trying to help him.

      the problem is that he barely listens to me because he thinks I'm the suck up who's spoiled because I'm the only one who helps my mom around the house and because I get my own room (and because my parents tend to buy me stuff every now and then because I help)...-_-"
      So he still continues to play the victim

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      • dichichan

        Oh, to add to the baby story, as a toddler, He liked to hit his younger cousins which he continued to do well into late childhood. Is that normal? He really was a feisty little thing

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        • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

          if you're judging and condemning him for how he acted when he was literally less than a year old....

          the problem may not be him

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  • Energy

    Send him to a mental hospital.
    He sounds like something's really wrong with that kid!

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