Is it normal that my boyfriends 16 year old niece sits on his lap?

41% Normal
31 Comments

My boyfriend (who is 34 years old) met his 16 year old niece for the first time & said it was like he had known her his whole life. When I saw pictures of the event, she is sitting on his lap under the kitchen table, getting piggy back rides & having him do "superman" on her feet. He claims this is normal & that he loves her & she loves him. Is this really normal??!!

Voting Results
41% Normal
Based on 159 votes (65 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • Cheradenine
    11 years ago

    16 yr olds are young, but too young to get piggy back rides, especially off someone theyve never met! I really dont think thats normal for either party. Dont act rashly, but youre right to have this concern, so keep your eyes open. I admitt i dont know your fella, and he may be a very loving, compasionate man. Not knowing the personality, id say just wait and try not to expect negative things

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    • dudeseriously
      11 years ago

      Thanks so much for your comment. This is what I have been doing but wanted others opinions too.

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  • chole
    11 years ago

    He probably wants a kid.

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    • dudeseriously
      11 years ago

      I already have 2 kids, both girls, ages 5 & 10. Kinda why I have some concern. Also saw some of his porn a few months back & the girls in the video had braces & pigtails. Said 18yr old teen, but I worry about that too...

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      • chole
        11 years ago

        Well then he may have a case of Ephebophilia. Sit him down and talk to him about it and if that's really the case, work something out. Maybe your sex life takes a turn to reenacting teacher-student scenarios to keep him at bay from leading romances with young girls.

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        • NOMAD84
          8 years ago

          Well said... I feel like that sometimes

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  • GuessWho
    11 years ago

    Yes, but they both seem a bit immature for their age.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Sounds... Kinda odd. They just met? Maybe if they knew each other for a while it wouldnt be so weird.

    Im 20 and i used to let my 14 yr old cousin sit on my lap or cuddle next to me during a movie... Until i got the feeling she started to like me. Now i dont let her get as close to me.

    As long as their not fucking its cool lol

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    • NOMAD84
      8 years ago

      Don't push her too far away she may develop a complex about rejection

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    • dudeseriously
      11 years ago

      Very first meeting ever. He claims she did that to everyone there but only pictures of her on him that I have seen. Looks to me like she has a crush on him. She was calling him her ducky.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    It sounds odd...

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    That seems… unusual. If there's nothing else going on, though, I wouldn't worry about it.

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  • loveteenfeet
    11 years ago

    i dont think its normal at all, the guy clearly likes young girls. thats not to say he is a pedophile, but enjoying being around girls just legal turns some guys on. of course i dont know what country you are from so 16 might not be legal.

    id say thats a bit close for any relatives to be on first meet.

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  • snowtail802
    11 years ago

    it is not normal

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  • Steve92
    11 years ago

    I bet she is a whole lot more beautiful than you! I broke out with my stupid GF Anny for similar argument. I urge you dont take Anny's path, for at the end of the day it didnt go too well for her, and serves her right for suspecting such an innocent girl.

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    • dudeseriously
      11 years ago

      Wow steve92 sounds like you really didn't like Anny to call her stupid and say you "broke out" with her... who is stupid?!
      Funny you try to attack someone you don't know to try to get a response. I know I am beautiful, inside & out & more than this 16 year old, thanks. That is not the issue. I thought, what a better way to get unbiased opinions on the situation... Sounds like your response has bias though! I may feel uncomfortable w/the situation because of my teenage years experience. It would never have been a good situation had I been like that then. Girls who are of age to most likely be having sex shouldn't be sitting on adult males laps in my opinion.
      It sounds like Anny's path was right for her. She is better off w/o you, someone who obviously didn't respect her. You seem like you still hold anger over it. Maybe you should seek someone like warren4aj. Maybe it wasn't the "innocent young girl" Anny was suspecting! Probably more you...

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  • warren4aj
    11 years ago

    As someone who maintains a master degree in clinical psychology i would recommend you to think about this a little more. As i am not personally aware of any family history regarding your significant other, there are several possibilities that you could explore without jumping to the conclusion you are seeking. It is possible (especially if he himself was separated)that during family separation siblings who go through trauma seek solace in one-another. It is not uncommon for these connections to occur however they are generally unhealthy. The fact that you describe him to be child-like and denote him to have appeal for 18 year old females suggests that it is possible that he may have experienced trauma of some kind at this age as it is very common for those who experience trauma to "stop growing" intellectually, socially, and/or even sexually. I would investigate his family situation a little closer but as you do, do it with the intention of helping him. Also, it is my recommendation that you monitor their exposure to each other and note the frequency of his obsession with her name, thoughts about her, wanting to see her, etc as this may depict a road to sexual tendencies.

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    • Short&2thepoint
      11 years ago

      Dude. Get the fuck of this site. It's like a nascar driver riding the go karts at the fair. XD

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    • dudeseriously
      11 years ago

      Thanks for your input. He definitely has had "separation" at a young age. He thought his father, until he was 8, was his little sisters father, but then finds out it is someone else & his mom & real father marry after she divorces his little sisters father. Pretty odd, back & forth situation where the 2 fathers were friends also. They then divorced when he was in high school. He has a horrible relationship with his father currently. His real father was adopted. His sister had a child at 15 & gave it up for adoption. His ex girlfriend was adopted. Talking about this I am seeing a trend...
      I know most people don't realize what they do or why, they kinda run on auto-pilot. Everyone would benefit from self-reflection. What can I do to help him?

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  • alv1592
    11 years ago

    It's not a bad thing if it's nothing sexual, it just seems strange, especially since they just met recently.

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  • Ihadtomakeyetanotheraccountffs
    11 years ago

    It's not like anything illegal happened.

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  • dudeseriously
    11 years ago

    Just some more info on the situation... The 16yo girl was adopted & she had come to meet her biological family for the first time. He said he cried that night after meeting her because he feels bad about missing all her birthdays etc. Even though it was his sister who gave her up for adoption. He is very caring at times.

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  • Dad
    11 years ago

    Is the 16yo pretty?
    Sadly its a relevant question.

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    • dudeseriously
      11 years ago

      The 16yo is not beautiful to me, but not bad either. But that is my opinion. His last girlfriend wasn't pretty to me either but he tried to tell me she was very beautiful before I ever saw her...

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      • Dad
        11 years ago

        Actually to be this comfortable right from the word go, means that he is relaxed and experienced around young teenage girls already.
        Quite obviously this is not his first time 'playing' with a young teen. If you know it or not!

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        • dudeseriously
          11 years ago

          Do you have experience with this? You seem very certain...

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          • Dad
            11 years ago

            Sorry for the wait, I just wait until my email program says new mail and go from there, obviously it checks every few mins or so.

            Anyway, you need to check the finer details of his actions and words.
            When he picks her up, does he hold her bottom or back or underarms? (bottom is not required, and this could possibly mean he is feeling her up)
            Is he overly touchy on other parts of her body? (thighs, stomach, even face) Again, not normally required. Can show a tendency to make contact with forbidden areas.
            Did he tickle her? All over her body? (goes without explaining)
            Does his sexual fantasies (with you) 'normally' go towards schoolgirl type of fantasies role playing? (Note this itself is NOT a concern, unless he ALWAYS asks you to do this.
            Are you in fact very young looking for your age? (you like ponytails, or very short or skinny? That type of thing?
            What other 'young' girls does he hang around with? (Quite obviously he is already experienced)
            During the day is his work or going out habits focused around younger girls? (often?)
            Are you yourself aware of anything that you might now think of 'of course!' (Say like watching young girls on his computer or tv?)

            Your small example may not be anything at all. But if its as exactly as you stated then I personally feel there may be more to it. Just a feeling.

            I'll reply if you do (eventually!)

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            • dudeseriously
              11 years ago

              When he was giving her a piggy back ride he was holding her legs. Never picked her up otherwise.

              Not overly touchy that I saw.

              He did not tickle her.

              No sexual role playing, I may pretend to not want it & he likes that, but that is it.

              I am young looking for my age & skinny.

              He doesn't hang around any other young girls that I know of. He had a few girls he hung out with before we started dating that were in their mid twenties.

              He is a painter, no young girls at work I think.

              His porn preference from what I can tell is the teen category, he says because they are more pretty to look at. 1 girl had braces that I saw & pigtails.

              Not really anything else I can think of...

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        • dudeseriously
          11 years ago

          Yikes! The thought of this scares me! How can I know for sure? Don't want to throw away the last 3 years if it isn't really that way & don't want to waste my time or hurt my girls if it is. I am very unsure of what to think. He is pretty childish himself, acts very kid like...

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