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my boyfriend slaps me and calls me dumb and a whore and slut i tried so many times to make him stop doing this but he won't and he just says "i didn't do anything wrong" I love him and I can't get over him but he hurts me on purpose and yesterday he told me if i were you I'd kill myself I don't wanna leave him though what should I do?
He is an emotion manipulator. He will guilt you into coming back to him by saying things like "I'm going to kill myself". So you have to be strong enough to leave with your head held high and know whatever actions he does are HIS actions. Are there people you can rely on for support?
And how can you love him?? Please tell me, because anyone who did that to me would get a fist to their face. You dont deserve someone treating you like crap.
We people on the internet can yammer on all we want and it won't change your mind until you grow some ladyballs. So listen up you. You need to find some nugget of self respect deep within your soul, and from it, draw the strength to leave him. You will likely get severely hurt by this man if you stay with him, so the only option is to leave him. I'm sorry you dont see that yet.
You don't want to leave him...What do you want from us? That's the only real advice to give and you don't want to take it.
Why do you love him? i'd really like to know because I have always been baffled by this sort of thought process. you should really think about why you feel this way too.
Meanwhile I will give you some insight into his thought process.
First I guarantee he does not love, respect, or even give the slightest care about you. i know this because nobody would ever say or do those things who they cared for.
i can tell you what he does think about you though.
you are there for him to use, whether it is for sex, for chores, or to satisfy his sadistic desires. the simple fact that you have put up with so much is evidence to him that you are there to serve him and not worth his respect, nor will you ever be. the simple task of telling you that he cares or any other lie he must tell you is worth doing to keep around what he sees as his slave and property. basically he feels you deserve anything he does to you because you didn't stop him from doing it which he feels is a justified reason.
If you think he will change, forget about it. People can only change themselves. And why should he when he already has what he wants.
How do I know what he thinks? I know because people dont act that way to people who they care about, and lots of people think that anyone who puts of with these things must be weak minded and deserving of abuse, but you can show them you are not weak by not putting up with it.
In return for my insight I hope you share why you love him and stay with him, because that I cannot comprehend. This has been a frequent topic here and I like insight into different thought processes so I can understand people better and give better advice as well.
I seriously have no idea why I love him he cheats on me and lies and abuses me in every possible way I wish I could change him because I really can't imagine life without him,ofcourse he's sweet sometimes but thats only once in a while and It feels so bad when I finally decide to walk away he doesn't even ask why as if i'm nothing
Thanks for responding. I have a couple thoughts to share with you. I'm going to guess that the times when he is "sweet" are when he wants things from you. After all, putting on a "sweet" act is not to hard to get things that are desired.
Fortunately for you it sounds like he doesn't care if you leave which should make that task much easier should you decide to leave, which I highly recommend.
I am wondering if you have been manipulated and brainwashed to think this way, either by him or someone in your past. In a way most people have been brainwashed to think they need relationships in general in my opinion.
Think about it this way. Would you ever treat someone you care for like that? I'm going to guess your answer is no. That's because nobody treats people they care about that bad.
Sure they may "fuck up" once in a while. Everyone has arguments. But they apologize and don't keep doing it. If the cycle continues it is proof that they're apology was not genuine, even if they pretend it was.
In the future please do not try to change anyone. This is a foolish mistake that a lot of people make. People can change themselves, but it is fact that they can only do it if they truly want to. It's easy for someone to say they want to change, but to actually want to is a whole other story. They especially wont change if they are already getting what they want.
Instead of working on these things with others, you should be working on yourself. It sounds like you have some improving to do on your own first.
If helping people is really what you want to do in life think about this. You cannot help others without helping yourself. A sick person cannot care for their doctor. It takes a strong person to help others and you have some work to do. Your first step will be finding self respect and strength to not tolerate this type of behavior toward yourself or anyone or anything you care about.
you're right and I know that but it takes strength to move on and I don't think I'm that strong though..Thank you so much this is very helpful and yea I wont ever try to change anyone because this is true no one can change someone else
Do you feel like you don't know what else you would do if you left? If so there are shelters that could take you in. Life can be difficult at times, but your current situation sounds pretty bad as well.
I hope you find the strength to leave him soon. Strength never comes by waiting for it, it's one of those things that comes by just doing it. My biggest recommendation for if you leave is to remain single for at least a while and work on yourself. I seriously hope you do not have kids with him.
Good luck.
Actually we don't have children cause I'm the "other woman" in his life he already has a girlfriend that is treated like a princess,she doesn't know about me and I'm not allowed to be seen with him in public and today he told me he doesnt wanna have sex with me anymore..I'm losing everythingg! this has to end and very soon
Well if you're into that kind of thing... Oh you're not. Then what you've got is a classic abusive relationship. Sorry but there really is no better option than leaving him. It's not impossible the relationship could get better, but more likely it will get worse, perhaps so much worse that one of you ends up dead. He's not worth it.
Break up with that turd! Stand up for yourself!
"ooh i love him so much..." Grow a spine!
The bastard abuses you, you tolerate it and then complain on the internet? Are you happy with that?
The guy sounds like an asshole and you sound like a very weak, very submissive woman. Kinda reminds me of my first girlfriend. She was very submissive and never took things into her own hands. Shame really, she is a very nice and very intelligent girl.
If I were you, I'd dump the guy on the dot! I'd also punch him really hard in the face.
Start over. Nice and clean and give more thought on picking your next guy.
Are you really that much of a spineless wimp? Have you no self respect? How can you love a creep like that? Why would you want to stay with an asshole who abuses you, physically AND verbally?
Where is your self respect?
LEAVE HIM AND DON'T EVEN SAY GOOD BYE! Change your phone number and never see him or talk to him again. He is BAD for you. Girls who take abuse and remain with the asshole are unbelievably STUPID. Are you unbelievably STUPID?
You clearly don't understand the psychology behind abusive relationships. Do you call rape victims stupid, too?
A). I didn't call her stupid; if you read it I asked her if she was stupid.
B). You clearly don't understand the concept of a door. One opens it and walks through. Not really such a difficult concept to grasp, is it?
As witnessing my mother in an abusive relationship you have no idea what you are talking about, it's not just a matter of walking and not looking back
Yes it is. That's the problem; everybody wants to come up with a reason, an excuse or analyze these things, when it is exactly THAT easy. There are shelters, and people who care. There are even underground railway systems in place to get a woman and her kids out of these kinds of relationships.
What could be easier than that? Oh, I guess doing NOTHING.
No, of course it's not easy, it is incredibly hard, but it is doable and it should be done; must be done, as an abusive relationship may become life threatening for the woman and/or her kids.
she's already lost her self esteem because this process does it.. try studying the psychology like charli said! you're kicking her while she's down and being so condescending is NOT the proper way to make her understand!
She doesn't need more people sweet talking her and sympathizing with her. At this point she needs a good swift kick in the ass and a push towards the door.
The only way to break this cycle is to make a definitive move, not vacillate and be wishy washy. Your kindness is NOT going to do her a damned bit of good, right now. She needs to get good and angry and stop being a victim. So all you softies can say to her what you please, but if you don't mind, let my comments stand without so much criticism, because both points of view have equal weight.
Criticism of potentially harmful advice is not a bad thing.
Yelling at someone who is already so emotionally destroyed is not going to motivate them towards anything. This approach may work on someone who isn't being abused, but it is very unlikely to be helpful here.
Compassion is not something to be fearful of.
you need to call the local district attorney and ask for an appointment to talk to one of the deputy DA's. Explain to them all of this, they will understand what you're going through and they might get you the therapy needed bcuz unfortunately this is very common and they will understand. DO IT SOON!!!! YOUR LIFE COULD DEPEND ON IT!
I will never understand why people choose to be with abusive boyfriends/girlfriends.
People like your "boyfriend" are the one reason that public execution can still serve a purpose.
Don't start life this way . Please, If you take this ,it will become all you know. Then say meet some else tell them you were hit by your last boyfriend most likely they will do it .it's like even if they would never hit a women they have permission. You have to love yourself enough honey and leave ,Never put up with that one day he may hit you and you could just hut your head and die ..they always say they won't do it again but it only gets worse .I know you think you love him but you deserve to be treated with respect .If you find another BF don't tell him you have been abused .say one thing I would never take is a man hitting me .Once and walk don't look back .Beak the cycle now our it will become normal to you . I taught to my kids when they were very young. Toughen up a relationship should be fun not dramatic Stay strong sweetie ,yo can do this and someday find some you can trust ,not many left but don't fight just leave him and more on,don't look back.
This girl has probably been brainwashed by her parents,especially her father, into believing that abuse is part of a loving relationship. She will need some therapy when she finally sees the light & leaves him, because if not, chances are that she`ll walk straight into another abusive relationship.
Okay honey child, I ma keep it real. Were either or both of your parents alcoholics and or drug addicts? Did they neglect or abuse you in any way and or abuse one another? Its not normal to stay with and claim to love someone who hurts you. I personally hold the belief that such feelings are the result of a cycle of abuse that starts in one's family of origin.
Feelings aren't facts, I know you say you love this dirtbag, but leave him anyway. I ain't no gambler, but I'm willing to bet you learned to love those who abuse you a long time ago.
Love yourself and know that this too shall pass!
Okay, I got this from a book:
*kick him in the part* Girls ain't pushovers, chump! Who's the b**** now?!
Now after that, leave him!
I gpt this from another book to help you if you are feeling bad about it:
Stand tall, man, stand tall! Huzzah!
There WOULD have to be someone else. Either that or just say how you feel to him!