Is it normal that my boyfriend should be distant while sick?

56% Normal
21 Comments

My boyfriend has been sick for the past 2 weeks with sciatica and I have been looking after him, however since I have gone home, he hasn't been messaging me much at all.

He hasn't been very nice to me either. The other day he told me if I went outside to have a smoke he wouldn't let me back in.
Also when I went to hug him before I left his home, he got mad at me and said there isn't anything I can do, I've a bad back. So I said I was going to hug you though, and he snapped well go ahead.

Is this normal when you are sick?

Voting Results
56% Normal
Based on 34 votes (19 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 21 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    If he only behaves like this when he's in physical pain, that's a reason, but not an excuse. You seem like a supportive person, but everyone has their limits and if I were you I wouldn't be putting up with this much longer

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • RoseIsabella
      8 years ago

      Amen to that! My father has had a lot of complications from his back surgery, and while it may be understandable in regards to his pain my mom doesn't put up with one iota of verbal or emotional abuse. If he talks like an ass she scolds him straightaway, and thankfully he immediately apologizes.

      I think to put up with his ocassional bad behavior would be to enable and encourage it.

      For example, I love dogs and I'd be more than happy to foster, train, encourage and rehabilitate one, but I ain't putting up with a vicious one.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        I think we're in general agreement, but I also think that people suffering chronic pain (physical OR emotional) should be given a bit of leeway by loved ones when it comes to being short tempered or irritable, although obviously not to the point of abuse.

        For example, I have longterm PTSD from being raped and when something or someone triggers it I sometimes can't help over-reacting: not an excuse but a reason.

        There's also the issue of medication causing behavioural changes, which isn't uncommon.

        I find your dog analogy rather superficial, because the option usually taken with a vicious dog which can't be rehabilitated is to put them down, which would be rather drastic to apply to verbally abusive humans, even if sometimes we'd like to resort to it!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • RoseIsabella
          8 years ago

          I'm not advocating that anyone put down OP'S boyfriend, but I don't believe in putting up with verbal abuse. I have more than my share of physical and emotional issues, but I see a therapist and go to a 12 Step program for codependency so I know it's not my right to take out my pain on others. If they're legitimately doing something to upset me I'll tell them then remove myself from the situation if they don't care to stop.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • LittleGirlInexorablySodomized
    8 years ago

    I did something real stupid once and as a result left myself temporarily blind and in extreme miserable pain. He snapped at you when you asked for a hug because he knew giving you one would cause him additional pain perhaps.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • buttons4me
      8 years ago

      Well, I went to hug him and obviously he said "what ya doing, I can't hug you" Which was really really awkward and then I explained that, I just wanted to hug him. He then said "well go ahead so" in a tone that was like why didn't you do that in the first place?

      I did hug him loads throughout the week so it is nothing to do with pain.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    Yuck!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • buttons4me
      8 years ago

      Thats not much of an answer lol

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago

        Well, I was trying to be nice, because I don't have much patience for people who treat me in a disrespectful manner regardless of whether or not any pain is present, it's no excuse for me.

        I would probably just go outside taking my purse and other stuff, and smoke my cigarette. Then when he refuses to let me back in I'd just leave. I wouldn't call him anymore, nor would I return any calls to him. End of story. This guy's a manipulative little worm, and is using his pain to as an excuse. Not cool!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • buttons4me
          8 years ago

          You have a point actually, that is exactly what I felt and still feel at my core. TBH

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            8 years ago

            Tell him!

            As far as I'm concerned he can cry, scream, yell and curse out the moon, but if he's going to bite the hand that's feeding him maybe he should feed himself?
            :-)

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
        • charli.m
          8 years ago

          Clearly, you've never had sciatica.

          He's in pain. Doesn't make it ok to be rude, but when you're in extreme pain, you tend to be snappy and unpleasant.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • buttons4me
            8 years ago

            That is true also, but he's using it as an excuse kind of over the top....

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            1
            1
              -
            • charli.m
              8 years ago

              As someone who has had sciatica ...the pain can be so intense that you can barely breathe. When I have it really bad, I can't move, I dont want to breathe, I don't want to be touched, and the only thing that stops the pain in the short term is painkillers so strong, they knock me out. This can go on for weeks. Obviously, I can't say how bad your boyfriend has it, but it can be really bad.

              Of course you want to be there for him and comfort and help him, and of course you feel hurt when he snaps at you. And of course you should tell him that how he's behaving hurts you. But if he's in extreme physical pain, it's not really the right time for that discussion.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
          • RoseIsabella
            8 years ago

            No, I haven't had sciatica, but my grandmother had it and now it seems my father is getting it. I do already have arthritis in my back, and myofascial pain, but I don't take it out on other people especially if they're helping me. My maternal grandmother's pain was awful, but she never took it out on anyone. She was a little crazy though, because she was afraid to take the pain pills she was prescribed as she would say, "I'm not a pill popper". She pasted away in her early 90's about 6 years ago. She was really the sweetest person despite, because kinda moody. She probably should have been on psych meds too, but didn't want them. Ugh. She was stubborn though.

            I do have sympathy for someone in pain, but I'm not gonna put up with verbal abuse from anyone.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • michelle2451
    8 years ago

    Its definitely not an excuse it sounds like he has some issues.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • JakobWithaK77
    8 years ago

    First off, does he always treat you like that? And second, if anything he should be supporting you or not. I don't care if my GF had the flu, I would risk getting it if it were for her

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • buttons4me
      8 years ago

      No he doesn't always treat me like that, but still I don't know why he does it half the time.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • JakobWithaK77
        8 years ago

        Have you asked him?
        I would recommend talking to him and expressing your concern, try squeezing a few answers out of him.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • buttons4me
          8 years ago

          I did ask, his repply was, "don't start, I am in extreme pain here"

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            8 years ago

            Yeah, that would be my cue to walk out the door. I would probably see him as an entitled person who thinks his pain is an excuse to treat me badly. There are plenty of other people who are in excruciating pain who don't take it out on their caregivers.

            I had some major colitis issues about 9 years ago. I was on a liquid diet for 6 weeks, and I didn't attack anyone. Believe me colitis can be a pain in the ass. I honestly think people who snap like that are weak inside. Such a person is not worthy of my time, energy, effort and love if he or she gonna treat me like shit! End of muthafuckin story.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0