Is it normal that my boyfriend's mother emails him 10-20x/day?

7% Normal
7 Comments

I have been with my boyfriend for the past 4.5 years, and we are both now 24. He is the youngest of three boys in a culturally (but not religiously) jewish family. I'm not jewish, but his parents have come to terms with that. Though I respect and appreciate the closeness of his family, and think it's wonderful that he has a great relationship with them, it is starting to feel like he needs to establish some boundaries. His mother regularly emails him 5x/hour or so (both his parents don't work), with friends he should request on facebook, statuses he should like, articles he should read, pictures he should view, etc. (Today for example, the emails came in like this: 6:50 am, 6:53, 7:10, 7:11, 7:20, 7:23, 8:15, 10:05, 11:00, 11:18, 11:19, 11:34, 11:40, 11:41, 11:47). They make a noise when they arrive so I can hear it. She also stalks his profile, and when she sees something she doesn't like she sends him a message to remove it or change it or simply questions why it's there. This is none of my business, I know, but when he's on the computer I can't help but notice and he doesn't mind if I do. The level of monitoring makes me feel uncomfortable. She is also friends with me on facebook, and I'm sure she regularly stalks my profile too. When I told him I was uncomfortable with this and wanted to put her on limited profile, he said do what I like but it's not very nice. She noticed within half an hour and emailed him asking why she could no longer see my pictures.

I know what a lot of people (and common sense) will say; It's his decision to establish boundaries and not mine; If I don't like it, leave. I see and appreciate that, however this is a ranting post just to hear back from anyone else who thinks (like me) that this kind of behavior is seriously abnormal.

** Please note- this is the very, very very tip of the iceberg, which is why I'm starting to get so fed up. I am not looking for relationship advice, I merely want to know whether any one else can empathize with the insanity that is this boy's mother.

Voting Results
7% Normal
Based on 42 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • coolio75650932
    11 years ago

    well if i was you i would just actualy ask her why she stalks your guys account...

    I AM SO SMART!

    S-M-A-R-T-E!

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  • [email protected]
    11 years ago

    Damn Jews are all screwed up,I'd get the hell out.

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  • MeHTa
    11 years ago

    @Kaiser, you are alone on that one. It is a part of preserving culture whether its Jewish, Russian, Italian or whatever else. It is absolutely normal for parents to want their kid to marry into their culture. I am Russian and dated Americans. At first my parents weren't happy but they realize that there are not many Russians around.

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  • MeHTa
    11 years ago

    I lived in Jewish culture and I have a lot of Jewish friends and can tell you that this behavior is completely normal. It is actually quite common for Italians and Greeks as well, being THAT close. It is not a matter of normality. It is a matter of if you can live with it. And believe me, its not going to change if you guys get married or move away somewhere far, the family will always be around. You can either accept it and try to take it on as in email his mom as well and treat her as a mother or just leave the relationship. Because if you don't it will cause problems in your relationship... If they accepted you not being Jewish, that means they really like you and you actually without realizing it are making his mom upset...

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    Yikes! That's not normal at all and actually very disturbing. If this isn't the worst she's done, then I'd hate to imagine what other things she has. I strongly suggest to get out of the relationship. I know you love him, but imagine what would happen if you got married or had children. The situation could escalated. There's the option of talking to her, but I don't think it'll work since your boyfriend appears to be on her side. What does the rest of his family think about this or do they even know what's been happening? What does your family think?

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    No, that's not normal, particularly that she's monitoring him on facebook. Consider reading up on covert incest http://www.covertincest.org/ (I don't know if that's what this is, but it's worth considering).

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Anyone else get mad when she said "I'm not Jewish, but the family has come to terms with that".What, like if your not a Jew you aren't good enough?

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