Is it normal that my boyfriend's friends won't look me in the eye?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. When we met in high school he was a loner who never talked and I was pretty much friends with everyone. He would frequently get very jealous and ask me probing questions about why I would speak with a specific person. For this reason I started to withdraw inward and limit my communication with people. 5 years later I feel like the loner who never talks and he's the one with tons of friends. I've tried making friends with them too but for some reason none of them ever make eye contact with me, if only for a second. It's starting to affect my self esteem because it feels like no one in his life wants to actually get to know me. I've noticed this from his brother as well. It's kind of surprising to me because I've never really experienced it. Sometimes I feel completely ignored. Is this normal?

Voting Results
14% Normal
Based on 116 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • Terence_the_viking

    You should go back to who you were.

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    • LadyInLace

      Yep I agree.

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  • dappled

    I'm going to say what I imagine everyone is thinking. Do you think he has perhaps discouraged people from being friendly with you (even subconsciously) because it makes it easier to deal with what sounds like insecurity about losing you?

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  • shade_ilmaendu

    He's already cut you off from people you were close to, looks like he's making his friends keep their distance too. If I were you I'd be hitting the road before this has a chance to get any worse. This is already an abusive realtionship, but things can get much worse. Seriously, run.

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  • Justsomejerk

    Are they looking you in the boobs?

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    • WasThatAMoth

      That could be it. . .haha

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  • forever_anon

    Not sure how normal this is, but this has happened to me with many of my spouse's friends, or even if we're just out in public being waited on by a waiter or male clerk. It can make you feel invisible. Maybe your bf's friends are afraid that if they make eye contact, it'll look like they're putting the moves on you (not an unjustifiable fear since your boyfriend is easily jealous). Not sure what you can do about this, since any friendly overtures you make will probably make them withdraw even more. I have just stopped hanging out with my husband's friends most of the time because I am tired of feeling like the invisible woman, and have started focusing more on my own friends/activities.

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  • highrider

    Why the hell did you even stay with him in the first place? If he made you lose all your friends then hes a a$$

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  • Redlegs24

    It's probably because they know that he gets jealous & they don't want to cause problems with you & him

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  • I would take a guess that its because you are hot and they feel a little nervous when engaged in conversation.

    I had this problem with some girls. It's like I didn't want them to see into my eyes and see how I felt. It's also that I didn't want to look into their eyes and have my heart melt like metal and set cold on the floor.

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  • He's been really good for you then?

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  • kittylitter101

    Become sociable again! Start making some friends, they're a lot more important than some guy that you've happened to be with for a while and who doesn't want to be the loner in the relationship. Trust me, it will do you good to get some girl friends and go out and not be a loner. If he can't deal with it, then just be happy that you got the chance to be together. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever, and I know it's hard. You don't want to go on like this though.

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  • DADNSCAL

    Sounds to me like they know something you don't. He's probably cheating on you like crazy. The nuns in Catholic school used to say, tell me who your friends are, and ii'll tell you who you are. He's got you in a virtual prison, and it's not healthy.

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  • blue365

    Tell hem to hit the road Jack and do your own thing girl if his friends won't be your friends then that's not a fair relationship. Because your friends are his friends that's the way it should be. his friends don't have to like you but they should respect you.

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  • TheProph

    Not normal at all. It's very likely your boyfriend told his friends and brother details about you. If you've ever cheated on him, he likely told them that, and that would explain it. Or it could be as simple as him telling them sexual details about you and they just can't look you in the eye anymore because you do slutty things in the bed?

    OR he's cheating on you, and they all feel guilty, and that's why they won't look you in the eye.

    OR maybe they're just socially awkward, the most important thing is how they talk to you. Are they friendly, not just polite? Etc.

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  • LadyInLace

    This is very weird. I have known someone who this happened to. Okay, this sounds weird what I'm going to say... But just think about it. It definitely could be because he is the jealous type and his friends know, and don't want to make it seem like they are checking you out... But it could also be this:
    I knew a girl in the same situation as yours. She was dating this other guy I knew... I was more friends with her though. All her boyfriends friends wouldn't look her in the eye and she said she felt weird and they would act different around her... It turns out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, and they knew, and so they felt guilty. Think about it, they felt guilty about it because they couldn't tell her, so they couldn't look her in the eyes because they knew all along! I found out from one of those friends actually. I'm not saying he's cheating, but it's a possibility

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  • lufa

    Sounds like a loser you saved and now he's destroying your life. When people won't look you in the eye, either it's because they know some dirty secrets about you or lies/rumors have been spread or they have a low opinion of you (which is related).

    Either way seems to me he is the crux of your problems, dump him now.

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  • Avant-Garde

    This sounds abusive. I suggest leaving him and going back to who you originally were.

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  • cigs

    Maybe they just don't want to look at you
    some people are like that.

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  • Darkoil

    You sound paranoid.

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  • TheSecret

    your probably ugly.

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