Is it normal that my boyfriend of 8 years wont marry me?

23% Normal
8 Comments

I have been w/my boyfriend for 8+ yrs & he is a great guy and will do almost anything for me except marry me. It is my only real relationship. To be fair we are different religions & are both afraid it will cause major problems because neither of us wants to budge. After 6 yrs we got a house together (rented) & were planning on getting married. Then after a year he still hadn't asked me or really talked about it. He said he was scared & its a huge step & is afraid it will end in divorce. I understand but was really frustrated. He doesnt like change.

I have been getting a little worried that its more than that. He has always liked booty. I am a thin girl with a little booty but I'm not Jessica Biel. He always tells me about girls w/booty & is looking them up online. He is really drawn to girls who are built like ballerinas. I knew this in the beg. of the relationship but never bothered me like it does now. I started to think I was being naive & I wasnt enough for him. He tells me that he will always be honest with me & will tell me when he flirts with someone. He had a girlfriend in hs who cheated on him so he would never do that. So I used to trust him because he was always so honest.

One day I got suspicious & I found old flirtatious emails on his laptop we both use(i know snooping is wrong). He had told me about this girl & that she had a nice shape & booty but she was gross & not his type. She needed rides home from work cause she wrecked her car & he was just being nice. She had sent pix of herself in her panties & he sent pix back of himself stripping to his boxers. She would thank him for the "rides" in quotes & would say things like 2 bad you have a girlfriend. So I got upset & it felt like everything made sense. I confronted him & he said he was sry & the emails didnt mean anything & he didnt do anything & he was just teasing her to be mean since she was using him for rides & that I know his standards & then deleted that email acct from the laptop. He is a little mean that way. I didn't break up with him but still had that in the back of my mind.

A couple weeks ago he left his email up on my laptop which is not normal. I was up late and still feeling confused & suspicious. There were emails from a girl writing him from her phone while in class. It was pretty innocent stuff but he did ask her if she was going to be at work & she said no & he said would have been nice to see you. She also sent him a pic of herself & he commented that it was precious (which is what he normally says to me). Its pretty harmless but weird that she writes him at his personal email while she is at school on his day off & said that it would have been nice to see her. If its just a workmate then why the personal email. Weird that he never mentioned her to me if they are friends. I see in his work phone that he calls her sometimes.

I know I am snooping now & my imagination and insecurities could be at work here but I cant shake the feeling.

Voting Results
23% Normal
Based on 77 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • one_green
    14 years ago

    Okay...can I just be honest here? This whole thing doesn't look good to me. First of all, let me start with the calling and emailing and "riding" the girl from work. Sounds suspicious to me, I have to tell you. Why on earth are they calling and emailing each other??

    Secondly, I don't buy the "afraid to marry because of differing religions" business. Many, many people who are in love with each other marry with differing religions and find ways to make it work.

    And what is this "booty" thing??? Either he loves you and wants to marry you or he doesn't. Eight years is a lot of time for him to make up his mind.

    I think you have some soul searching to do and some discussions to have with him. Tell him what you expect from this relationship (if the calling/emailing, etc. from that girl bothers you, tell him.). If you expect that you and he get married by next summer, tell him. Then listen to what he says back. If he TRULY loves you, he will understand what you are saying and do ANYTHING to have a happy, successful relationship with you. If he gives you grief............MOVE ON. Good luck.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    hes cheating on you!go online to YOUTUBE and make a slide show of his most embarassing moments and threaten to post it unless he admits hes cheating on you!then, post it anyways :b

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  • FocoUS
    12 years ago

    Where to begin...

    8 years and going nowhere. It's understandable if you leave.

    Different religion works in a relationship... doesn't work in marriage.

    Words are words. People can be viscous liars.

    Emailing naughty photos. Need I say more?

    The sad truth is some people are in relationships because just because they hate being single. These people normally don't respect what a relationship is. Your intuitions are leading you the right way. You're probably dismissing the red flags because you've been with him so long.

    Nothing is salvageable from your relationship. Before you leave you might want to pack up all your things and move them out first. Just when you think a guy can't get worse he can always hold your things hostage.

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  • moomus
    12 years ago

    Why does he flirt? If he had any respect for you he wouldn't do that. I'd kick him to the kerb and get a guy who treats you with respect. As for not getting married due to religious differences, piss poor excuse to me, love wouldn't see any problem, and you could have a non religious ceremony if that mattered.

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  • Orochi
    14 years ago

    Tell him to marry you or it's over.

    It sounds like he is just using you.

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  • altruis
    14 years ago

    Agree with one_green.

    I just have to add, I know people have different opinions on what constitutes as "cheating" but from the things you've said, the things in the emails, for me, that would be way over the top.

    I think either he commits entirely to you or you find someone who will.

    Good luck, hope it turns out well for you.

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  • opensky
    14 years ago

    hi,
    I think you are in such vicious circle.
    You are for marriage and this is the true path. There is no commitment out of marriage.
    I think you have to read about Islam and Get closer to God. In Islam you can have all your rights as a woman and can have a good husband in case u choose a practising muslim.
    Good luck

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  • littleone
    14 years ago

    Why would you want to marry someone who isn't 100%% sure that you are the one? Clearly, he does not, and you know this because you wouldn't be sneaking in his account to try to find validation that he does.

    More importantly, why would you want to marry someone you don't feel is 100%% the one for you either? You know exactly what's going. You say he doesn't like change - but I think that's you. This is your first relationship, you got a house together. The realization that this probably won't work has already happened, or you wouldn't be asking strangers to validate what you already know, but can't admit to yourself.

    Best of luck. You will find love, real love. Love isn't every smooth or certain, but it always feels RIGHT. Does this feel right to you?

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