Is it normal that my boyfriend never buys me gifts?

26% Normal
18 Comments

Hi. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and he has never bought me a gift other than on special occasions. For Christmas, I bought him a Timberland Hat and Scarf set that was nicely put in a gift box and wrapped. He got me a speaker for my laptop and a memory stick. However, I later found out (he did not tell me) that he had bought a speaker for his childs mother (child from previous relationship)also for christmas. On Valentines he booked an apartment for the night and bought me flowers which I did appreciate and didnt expect a gift as he had already spent a lot of money. I bought him a Solid Sterling Silver bracelet which was engraved and he NEVER WEARS IT! I have also bought him other little gifts in the relationship like an Armani T-shirt, umbrella and other little bits and bobs. Whenever we go out for a drink, I always buy him a drink yet he hardly offers to buy me one. Date night is usually 'pay for yourself' or rarely he will pay for me. Recently we both went on holiday at the same time (me to Lanzarote, and him to Amsterdam), and I bought him a mug, fridge magnet and a little box that I put some sand, and flower petals in. When I came back he told me he didnt get me a souvenir because 'he doesnt do souvenirs.' HOWEVER, when we both went away to Brighton & Hove together he bought his childs mother some sweets from the souvenir shop. I just thought it was a little selfish, because other people in his holiday group bought souvenirs for the their loved ones, and I made sure that I got him something, plus he knows that Amsterdam is one of my all time favourite places to visit (no guessing why lol). Throughout the relationship he has never offered to buy me a pair of shoes, or get my nails done and he knows that im that type of girl. I put a lot of effort into how I look for him and I just feel like he doesnt appreciate it. Sorry im kinda ranting now lol but I just wanted to know is this normal, and what do you guys think? P.S. Cannot ask family and friends for advice as they will tell me to leave him! Also, this year he has acquired £8,000 extra by selling his car and still hasn't bought me anything or taken me to my favourite restaurant or anything, yet he gave his babys mother money for her holiday and bought himself loads of designer clothes and watches.

Voting Results
26% Normal
Based on 65 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • ☭алинa
    9 years ago

    bORING, cry harder

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  • charli.m
    9 years ago

    Wow....sounds like material possessions and brand names aren't your entire world.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    "P.S. Cannot ask family and friends for advice as they will tell me to leave him!"...What do you expect us to do? You're going to get two standard comments. One type of comment will tell you that you're superficial and overly concerned with material things. The other type of comment will tell you to dump him because he's not returning the material favors you offer him.

    Either way there is no magic secret that any of us have to share that will cause him to behave and treat you as you'd like. Also it sounds like he's got a lot of baggage. Maybe it's better off if he goes back to his ex and their baby. His shopping habits would lead most people to believe he wants her back.

    If I were you I'd cut my losses, give the credit cards a rest and move on with my life. You could be missing out on meeting Mr. Right, because you're too busy keeping this Mr Baggage from what should probably be his family. Let him go.

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    • SlightlyUnnapreciated
      9 years ago

      Thanks for the mature comment Rose Isabella. I just wanted opinions on the situation rather than advice telling me to leave or stay. I agree with you, however he tells me otherwise and I think it would be selfish of me to leave him just because I 'assume' he wants her back when it could be far from the truth. I dunno tbh. People will have their opinion of me based on what ive written but thats just in a nutshell so I dont really give a shit. Once again, thanks!

      P.S. I dont use credit cards lol, if I dont have it I'll go without.

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      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago

        What does he tell you?

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  • Parky_Parker
    9 years ago

    Aside from the gifts, it sounds like you come in third to the child and child's mother. The best thing to do is leave him.

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  • SlightlyUnnapreciated
    9 years ago

    They arent my entire world, honestly. I come from a good family and work very hard myself to buy myself nice things, so I'm used to a certain level. Its not the actual gift that matters, its the thought that counts. He could literally pull up to my house with a bar of my favourite chocolate and I would be happy but he dosnt. Ever.

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    • RoseIsabella
      9 years ago

      It he won't even buy you a candy bar then why do you stay?

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      • SlightlyUnnapreciated
        9 years ago

        Love *sighs*
        It's been a rough 9 months, so I feel like we've invested too much emotionally to break up now.

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  • Jaydods39
    9 years ago

    Don't be materialistic...please! If he gives u plenty love that's more important.... Stop buying things for him...hell get the hint

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  • gorillaphant
    9 years ago

    I dont understand. Why does he have to buy you gifts?

    And what is so special about an Armani t shirt? I dont get it.

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  • SlightlyUnnapreciated
    9 years ago

    Thanks for the constructive feedback guys

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  • NasLost
    9 years ago

    That long 9 months you invested and you can't leave because of will turn into a year.. 1year 3 months..2 years. You can't stay with someone because of the time invested. I'm not saying leave him, but don't stay with him just because you guys have invested time.i was with my childs mother and felt like I needed to stay because of my child.. Most horrible time of my life.. Shortly after making my self leave I found my now wife and mother of my youngest child..perfect for me in every way.couples have problems but if you look for reasons to rationalize you will never see the truth.

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  • ScooterNyne
    9 years ago

    By far, my favorite thing about relationship advice is the game of "battleship" people play. It amazes me how people try to guess what another persons problem is by looking at their stupid habits. ESPECIALLY over what a person buys for another. And they make a decision on leaving a potentially life long partner over their bullshit hunch. D4! ... ooh that was a miss.

    Here's my thoughts. If you are incapable of going up to him and saying, "Hey, I noticed you buy things for your ex and baby and it makes me feel like I don't come first. What are your feelings about me and your ex?" Then your relationship is a load of bullshit. Communicate god dammit. Talk to him. Humans have evolved for millions of years and somehow we still cant TALK to each other? ridiculous.

    P.S. Your rant made you sound like a shameless gold digger.

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    • SlightlyUnnapreciated
      9 years ago

      thanks for the input Scooter. But before you condemn me, WE DO TALK! I have raised this issue numerous times and it always ends in an argument. Also, as for being a shameless gold digger, I earn far more than my partner and probably always will, so money is not the issue. Like I previously said on another comment, I come from a fairly wealthy background, so certain things I am used to and refuse to lower standards. I just dont think asking for a gift every now again is too much to ask for. Especially when I am continuously doing it, yet it is not being reciprocated.

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      • ScooterNyne
        9 years ago

        Well if every time you bring the subject up, it ends in an argument, that's a red flag right there.

        This is what I see. And I could very well be wrong here. It's impossible to tell what's really going on here over forum comments. And don't take any of what I say too close to heart. It's still better to talk to him. But this is what I am seeing.

        You come from wealth and you yourself have a pretty lucrative career. That's wonderful. HOWEVER... here comes the stupidity, men don't like it when women make more than them. It just makes them a bit uncomfortable because they enjoy being providers. So that's something he might be struggling with. He could also feel like you already have everything. That your family takes care of you and you take care of yourself. I'm not sure what kind of background his ex and baby come from but if they are doing without or at least doing with less than you, then he is fulfilling that desire to provide MUCH better by getting them things rather than you. I wouldn't take that as he likes them more than you. It's just a means for him to fulfill himself.

        The last part kinda falls on you a bit. It's great that you have a lucrative career and are able to accrue wealth and do lot's of things for your boyfriend. But you should be doing those things because you want to. Because you love him. Gifts are about doing something special for someone and not expecting something in return. And some people just aren't about gifts at all. Don't shower him in things if he can't or doesn't wanna keep up.

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  • ines123
    9 years ago

    kick him in the ass dear.

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  • KeepsakeDoll
    9 years ago

    Leave him, he's more concerned for the child's mother.

    Although relationships can be seen as investments, don't think of it as a reason as to why you should stay.

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