Is it normal that my boyfriend is so miserly?

18% Normal

My boyfriend of three years is so miserly that he hasn't spent a single cent on me during our relationship of three years... I haven't received a single gift from him for my birthday or any other occasion and even for phone calls he expects me to spend. He has a good job and earns a good salary but whenever I talk to him about this subject, all he can say is "My true love is there for you". It just gets so irritating to think he doesn't even care to attempt anything in our relationship...
He expects me to do a lot for him and I have done for him in so many ways possible... I have bought him expensive gifts for his birthday and whenever I go abroad I bring him things he might like. He has also borrowed money from me on many occasions. He has no dad and he says that his family is totally dependent on him. But he has other brothers too who is earning for the family. He has no problem spending lavishly for them... Basically, he spends every cent he earns on his family and he often tells me how happy he is about it. Whenever I bring up this subject on why he is so miserly only towards me when I have done so much for him, he always makes up ridiculous excuses. We have also had arguments on this matter. At times I feel he is doing it purposely to hurt me... But I don't understand why? Because I have been so nice to him. His recent excuse is, he is asking me if I am not intelligent enough to realize that he will do nice things for me and care for me after our marriage in the way he's done and cared for his family for so long. But I am wondering if it will be my intelligence or my stupidity to think in that way as he has been so miserly towards me all along?

Voting Results

18% Normal

Based on 45 votes (8 yes)

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Comments ( 17 )

RoseIsabella

9 years ago | pl

Don't marry this guy! Marry him and you'll be stuck paying for everything and even lots more.

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- Crvsades
  
  9 years ago
  
  Marrying and paying for everything and a lot more? Well isn't that what happens to almost every man who gets married?
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'd give the same advice to a man who was being used.
    
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    9 years ago
    
    As a girl, I am afraid that might happen to me as RoseIsabella said. Because my boyfriend is just so miserly towards me he isn't even a least bit reciprocal for all what I have done for him as a girlfriend to at least show he cares, let alone when I become his Wife...
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      9 years ago
      
      So dump him, and move on with your life. Tell him you need a break and or you need some space. He's a user and most likely a liar.
      
      Don't be afraid to be alone. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
      
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donotmockme

9 years ago

He seems like a greedy man and that's all that's to it. I know a guy like that, he hates buying anything for his girlfriend but he doesn't actually love her.

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green_boogers

9 years ago

He doesn't love you.

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Anonymous Post Author

9 years ago

I have also asked him how could he still expect me to have the confidence in him to care for me and do nice things for me when I become his Wife when he has treated me so awfully as his girlfriend, and he doesn't have an answer for my question...
We normally communicate by text and phone calls. We've also met a few times but rarely (we are not supposed to move with each other until after marriage). And it was those times I had given him the gifts I had got for him and helped him out financially etc. But it just saddens me to think why couldn't he have being a least bit reciprocal in some little way... at least for my birthday? And the maddening part is when he pretends that nothing's happened and he thinks his way of behavior is perfectly normal which annoys me very much. At times I can't help but wonder if something is wrong with him.

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- KeepsakeDoll
  
  9 years ago
  
  This is a long distance relationship? And the extra details are actually very worrying. I've had something similar to this happen to me. I advice you to be careful and stop spending too much on him, he just seems awfully suspicious.
  
  I know gifts aren't everything, but the way he avoids the topic and doesn't show much effort for you makes me feel like his words are manipulating you. ESPECIALLY THE SUICIDAL COMMENT. That part is complete manipulation.
  
  Just ask yourself this; are YOU happy? I know it's hard to leave someone you've invested so much in, but think of where your future is going with someone like him.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    I can't see taking a long distance relationship so seriously, because honestly he could be a drug, alcohol and or gambling addict who is just stringing her along and manipulating her in order to support his bad habits.
    
    He's probably just a lying piece of shit.
    
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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  Something is wrong with him and there will be something wrong with you if you stay.
  
  I don't know you but you deserve much better.
  
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BladeWolf

9 years ago

I think you need to find someone who loves you, and puts his effort in to show you that.

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KeepsakeDoll

9 years ago

Even with the family excuse, his unwillingness to spend at least a few cents on you while you've spent so much is a warning.

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craze3

9 years ago

Sounds like a weirdo.
But please for the love of God, stop saying 'miserly' every second word.

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Anonymous Post Author

9 years ago

Even if he's greedy he doesn't show it openly. Though he loves receiving gifts from me. Even I used to love seeing him being so happy, so I used to keep doing things for him to make him feel special. He keeps telling me he loves me everyday and he wants to marry me and I am the only one for him, his first love etc... He also says he can't live without me. Sometimes I have got so annoyed with these issues of him being so miserly etc and I have also tried leaving him a few times. But in the end we got back together because he says all the time that there is no life without me and once I also saw a suicidal comment of his somewhere. I am also afraid that he might take a wrong decision if I leave him and I don't want to be the cause of that...
Oh and I forgot to mention... Only once he had bought me a few nail colors after noticing I was wearing light pink nail color the first day he saw me and he told me about it. At that time I was so happy of his sweet thought to get me something. But he never got round to giving it to me. I asked him about it around a year later (because I am not the type to make it seem like I am begging for things from him and because I thought it was a lie), and at the time he said the nail colors were close to expiry and he had given them away so it wouldn't go to waste. I asked him why he never gave it to me when he bought it and for that he replied that after seeing the value of the gifts I had bought for him, he felt cheap to give me such inexpensive items such as the nail colors as the first gift. Of course I told him how I felt so happy at the time he told me he had bought them for me and how I would have appreciated it even if it was a little thing, and then he apologized. From that day onwards he's never bought me anything even a little thing at least as a token of our love. Because of this I can't help but feel disappointed and annoyed with him... Sometimes he has suggested that he would like to buy me this and that but then he always comes up with some lame excuse and ignores it. This was during the early stages in our relationship. But now after I had made it clear to him how miserly he is towards me and about my disappointment, he never even suggests that he would like to buy me anything anymore nor has he done anything special for me. I feel he is doing it purposely... But the most irritable thing is I just can't figure out why!! I am also concerned for myself that I might have to suffer financially because of him and his miserly attitude towards me if we get married.
Sorry for the long post & thanks everyone for the replies. :)

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alextsang08

9 years ago

His family depends on him, can't you see that? Don't expect him to buy you "fancy gifts for your birthday" or any of that bullshit.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  If you believe that I've got a bridge for you to buy!
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that my boyfriend is so miserly?