Is it normal that my boyfriend insists on talking to a girl i hate?

31% Normal
12 Comments

So my fiancée, and I have been together almost two years, he has a friend, let's call her sam.. Well I also know Sam. I know sam, because I lived with a woman I used to take care of for a while, and this woman had a son, who was a big meth head, and "sam" used to come around all the time, and smoke meth with her son. Well one day, I came home, and a shit ton of my clothes were missing, and so was 30.00 in quarters.. I went outside, and guess who was wearing my fucking clothes? and had my rolls of quarters? that nasty bitch sam. I told her to fucking keep them, that I didn't want them back, and she insisted that they were her clothes. I made her give my money back.. Then she tried fighting me, cause I was pissed that she stole my stuff. I beat the shit out of her, and made the bitch leave..

Two years later...
I meet my boyfriend, we immediately hit it off, and get engaged a year after being together.
I know he's friends with "Sam", and I know he helped her get clean whenever she decided to stop being a piece of shit...

Well anyway, I told him how I know her, and why I don't like her.
One night, we're both asleep, and his phone keeps going off, I grabbed it to turn the volume down, and saw that she had been writing him on facebook, she said "I've been doing good, you should talk to me more often". I couldn't see the rest of the conversation, cause his phone was locked. So in the morning, I told him " hey your phone was going off like crazy last night, what was going on, was it work?" just s=to see what he would say. He said no, it was my friend adam, just seeing how I was doing... I was fucking pissed as soon as he said that, because I knew he was lying, so I asked him why the fuck he was lying, that I know it was sam, why would he lie to me?

He just said he told me it was somebody else, because he knows I don't like her, and he knew I would be pissed if he was talking to her. Which pissed me off even more. I am your Fiancee, we are planning on getting married, and I tell you I don't like a girl, because she stole my stuff, and tried to fight me? And you still talk to her? In my opinion I think it's super disrespectful and super shady... He still talks to her this day, and it make my blood boil...

Voting Results
31% Normal
Based on 32 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    Well, it's certainly not a good sign that he's willing to lie to protect his friendship with this awful woman. I wouldn't be in such a hurry to marry this guy.

    So if this chick is sober I wonder if she's working a twelve step program for her addiction and what step she's on, because it sounds like she probably owes you a fifth step amends for wrongs done. It's none of my business of course.

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    • foolio767
      7 years ago

      I try to talk to him about it too, and he calls me insecure, and all that bs.

      I don't even know if she's sober anymore. But I know I wouldn't be the person she would make amends with. She's screwed over a lot of people.

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      • RoseIsabella
        7 years ago

        I'm sorry, that sounds awful. I wish I had some better advice other than don't be in a hurry with this guy. Insecure or not there's no excuse for lying regardless of whether or not you would be disappointed or get angry. I think lying is cowardly and codependent in this situation.

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  • Couman
    7 years ago

    Just FYI fiancée means an engaged woman. Fiancé means an engaged man, but is gaining some acceptance as a gender-neutral term (in English). If you don't want to bother with the distinction, the one-E version is the one to use. Same with blond(e).

    Regarding your actual question, if she got clean and "decided to stop being a piece of shit", I would be inclined to be a little more tolerant. I generally I think when people stay friends with "bad" people but also help them stay on the straight-and-narrow it's something of a public service.

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    • Freedom_
      7 years ago

      My first thought was that this would definitely be a deal breaker for me, but you make a damn reasonable point there (also, thanks for the short lesson on the correct usage of fiancé). On the other hand, there are emotional aspects to this situation you've neglected to confront.

      The fact that Sam is a female who messaged in the middle of the night, which the fiancé proceeded to lie about, complicates things a bit. I don't think OP would have gotten quite as upset if he would have just been honest. His choice to do so also shows he may be insecure about dealing with emotional confrontation, which is no good for a marriage. He's causing unnecessary trust issues.

      If these two are not willing to be open and compromise, perhaps they are just not ready for the next step.

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      • Couman
        7 years ago

        I do agree about the dishonesty. That's a separate thing, and perhaps the bigger problem. Without knowing more of the content of their communication it's hard to say whether something inappropriate was going on or if he just handled it badly, but yeah, lying is not cool regardless.

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  • mysistersshadow
    7 years ago

    Is it normal tho? Maybe. The question really is... can you live with it?

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    • foolio767
      7 years ago

      I can't and I don't understand why he insists on talking to her. like wtf?

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      • mysistersshadow
        7 years ago

        If you can't live with it your only option is obvious. I think being married is overrated anyway. Better luck next time.

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  • Curious-trans
    7 years ago

    Sounds like you have issues. If i was with someone who tried to make me stop neing freinds with someone i would dump that person and still be freinds with the person that they tried to get me to abandon, its called friendship. Bros before hoes

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  • Hyakume
    7 years ago

    Tbh, it sounds like she is trying to get back at you by sleeping with your fiance. Ask him to see his msgs with her, if he declines you know something is up. He might be keeping her as a plan b tbh.

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    Sounds like he's her sponsor. Anyway, it's not good that he lied.

    What confuses me is why you're getting engage to these guys after knowing them for a year or so. I get you felt sure, but if he's willing to lie to protect friends and put friendships over you, then it might be time to slow down on marriage.

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