Is it normal that my boyfriend didnt do anything on valentines day?

19% Normal

Ok, so Im pretty pissed because my boyfriend of 1.5 years didnt do anything nice for me on Valentines day even though I did something big for him. Just to clarify, I dont expect a lot, just a small token of his appreciation such as a card or a nice phone call. I am not materialistic and we dont get to see each other a lot because of his busy schedule. Its not like he gives me gifts and takes me out during the year, so I get really excited near Valentines day in hope that he will do something nice for me that isnt done normally. Before hand I asked if we could see each other on Valentines day but he said he was too busy because he had to do some stuff at work (bullshit excuse, he was only at work until 5:00pm). I accepted that, and figured I would get him a gift he could open without me being present. I decided to get him a netflix subscription for 12 months which cost me almost 100 dollars. I sent it to him on Valentines day along with an email saying how much I appreciate our relationship. He texted me in the afternoon saying "Happy Valentines day, thanks for the gift, why did you spend so much money?" and that was the only contact we had all day. He didnt even bother to call me or do anything at all, even though last year he bought me chocolates and took me out for lunch (not on valentines day but a few days after since he was busy). Am I selfish for being pissed that he didnt do more when all my friends had their boyfriends spoil them to death? Would it kill him to at least send me a loving email? Even if money is an issue, he can always just send me an e-card or write a card himself...He also didnt make plans to see me any time this week (we only see each other every few weeks because of his stupid "schedule").

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19% Normal

Based on 813 votes (154 yes)

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Comments ( 37 )

kellstar79

12 years ago | pl

He sounds like a jerk! First thing I thought when I read it was another woman. Just because his family is conservative doesn't mean he wouldn't. He should treat you good everyday not just valentines day. My ex lived 1.5 hours away and made time to see me 2 or 3 times a week and he had a busy job. His excuse is BS and it's a sad fact that some guys (and girls) just arnt good at being attentive and caring in relationships

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IsItMutherfukcinNormal

12 years ago

I wish there was more girls like you! If you were mine and
you did that to me
id be sooooo damn happy id go all out on you n buy you roses and teddy bears ect. you deserve better instead of being played games with!

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ccjigsaw

12 years ago

Sounds like your not getting anything out of this reltionship, I could be wrong. Don't let me get you jumping to conclusions, but he may have a woman on the side. If he spends almost no time with you and says he's at work, plus he doesn't even treat you with gifts or even his time, you might want to look into it. It seemed kindof underlying in your post. If that's not the case though, it doesn't sound like he puts effort into the relationship. Don't fester your hatred, talk to that boy!

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  No, you are drawing some accurate conclusions. We dont see each other too often because he lives 45 minutes away from me and is trying to establish himself in a new career. There are other factors that come into play as well. He is 18 years older than me and has recently switched careers after working in one field for a very long time. I have thought about the "other woman" angle but given he is from an extremely conservative/traditional background that wouldnt make sense...Thank you for your input, I will definitely talk to him about it.
  
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  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    12 years ago
    
    He's much older than you and he lives 45 minutes away.
    
    That right there may be the issue - especially if he's trying to get ahead at work. He may not be thinking of romance as much as you are, but of the career.
    
    plus, from his reaction to what you spent, he may have different ideas on how to handle money.
    
    Or he may be someone who just doesn't think much about Valentine's day to begin with.
    
    And this year... especially this year, if he's really busy spending an hour and a half on the road may be a bit tolling on him. I know cos I had one friend who use to want to hang out with me all the time, ignoring the fact that I was the one who drove so in order for her to go hang out I'd have to drive at least 30 miles each way. It got old.
    
    So you may want to consider trying what my BF & I did - we celebrated on the friday before. On valentine's day itself we wished each other happy valentines day, I bought him a card. And I ended up working late.
    
    in fact technically he didn't actually get me a valentine's day gift but... he loaned me $ to get new tires and gave me an itouch as a late birthday gift which I will count as valentine's too. so all is good.
    
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    - 5796
      
      12 years ago
      
      Yeah i like your idea, of designating another day to celebrate it. Me and my boyfriend did this last year when we lived closer together. However this time around he made no plans to do that. I still havent heard a word from him since that pathetic text on feb.14th. And about money, I make good money so I can easily afford 100 dollar gifts if it's a once a year thing. he makes good money as well, but is generally very cheap with everything( shops at the dollar store all the time). I know the drive may be tolling on him but whenever I offer to come to him he says no to that as well.
      
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      - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        
        12 years ago
        
        and for us it's not even a distance thing but... last year we went out the friday prior to valentine's day and had a nice time.
        
        then on the 14th he decided "hey let's go out for valentine's dinner".
        
        I was skeptical about the kind of waits we'd have but he wanted it to be romantic... and so yeah, the wait was a good hour.
        
        i think that's the last time we're going to go out on valentine's day like that & will now go out a day or two beforehand. :-)
        
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      - Crudhouse
        
        12 years ago
        
        What is he working on right now? I remember working till 11PM for weeks on end and even when I had a day off it would kill me to talk to somebody much less be emotional.
        
        Still sounds a bit fishy though. I make it a point to avoid women when I work that hard. What's the point really
        
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joybird

12 years ago

You said earlier that he puts friends and family before you.

Surely, you should be his best friend?! This sounds too strange for me.

Personally, I think he's just stringing you along, taking all you can give him. Any relationship should be give and take, so if he's miserly and taking all he can get off you - then dump his sorry @ss!

He should be glad he has a younger gf.

Treat him mean to keep him keen!
Don't EVER spend money on him again!

He's only treating you the way you allow him to - don't be a doormat coz you sound as if you're worth 10 of him. I think he's mean with money and inconsiderate, rotten qualities in anyone!

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aussiewolf

12 years ago

sounds like he is seeing someone else.

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OhStevieRaeee

12 years ago

Honestly, I'd break up with him. Don't ever let someone treat you like that. I'm not saying break up with him because the gift thing but I don't think he respects you enough, that's sad. Or maybe just talk to him, but that's such a red flag.

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AnalyticalAm

12 years ago

Sounds all too familiar. My BF for years told me he hated Valentines day and straight out told me he didn't want to celebrate it. He told me not to get him anything and if I did, not to expect anything back. He was my first boyfriend and I never got to experience having a valentine. I had been so excited, but he shut me down.

Among MANY other reasons, I broke up with him.

This sounds like a red flag for what is to come. He doesn't do anything special for you, even though you do for him. He doesn't even make time for you.

I'm NOT saying break up with him for not giving doing anything for you for valentines day. I'm saying re-evaluate your relationship with him and see if you can predict where things are going.

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Gena45

12 years ago

Most guys don't think of Valentine's Day as a big deal, like most girls do. He probably did something with you last year because it was your first Valentine's Day, but he has no interest in doing it anymore. If this is really bothering you I think you should talk to him. Ask him why he didn't even send you an e-mail.

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lc1988

12 years ago

Valentine's Day is overrated. He should be treating you well all the time. Not everyone really celebrates it.

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  Yeah he should be treating me well all year long but he doesnt. Because of his busy schedule ( not just work but friends and family too) we dont get to see each other often and he never takes me out anywhere or does anything extra. Thats why holidays like valentines day matter for couples like us. I was looking forward to something nice for once and was disappointed.
  
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  - lc1988
    
    12 years ago
    
    Sounds like a keeper...
    
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ClownPuncher

9 years ago

If you don't do anything special for your boyfriend, this could be a hint that maybe you need to step up your game. Did you make plans? Did you do anything but the NORMAL? Wake him up with something to cure his morning wood with? If he's got a real job that pays well, chances are it's not the awesome job you think it is. You expect the guy to bring it home all the time. That isn't real life. A relationship takes two people. Make out of this what you want, live in the delusion you seem fit, and don't see why your relationship falls into the wrong side of the 50% divide.

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Malaglinir

12 years ago

Valentine's Day is a joke, but you sound needy and he sounds like a douche.

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  Maybe I wouldnt be so needy if he wasnt such a douche ;) but honestly, im sick of guys like you telling women they are "needy" everytime they have a justifiable reason to be upset. Its a common cop-out for guys who dont want to be caring and deliver.
  
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  - slutzombie
    
    11 years ago
    
    Its not needy to expect more than that on valentines day.
    
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tiffunny5

12 years ago

Ive been married for 15 years and I've rarely gotten anything for V day. Maybe 5 times and it was nothing more then a cheap box of Chocolates and some half dead flowers from the Grocery store.

I cried every year on Valentines day for the first 5 years then relized "V day" is just Not his thing. Oh well.

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TheBalance

12 years ago

I am a boyfriend of around 1.5 years, so I feel like I can answer this question. NO! It's not normal. I couldn't see my girlfriend on valentine's day, but I made sure we celebrated in some way. On the other hand, you are acting very needy and 100 dollars is waaay too much. You could have agreed beforehand on how much you were going to spend on each other. Honestly... You aren't going to like this, but if I were you I would break up with him. Also if I were him I would breakup with you. Maybe he was going to but didn't want to over valentine's. (Which is bs but very possible)

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  How am I needy when you yourself admit that I deserve better? 100 dollars isnt too much for my age group and salary bracket. you would break up with me for being upset that i didnt get the treatment you said I deserved? Make up your mind, you said yourself that I have a right to be upset!
  
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  - TheBalance
    
    12 years ago
    
    It sounds like you think he's making up excuses not to be with you. Which shows a complete lack of trust. Now either he deserves that lack of trust or you're being needy. I suspect it's both. Also you said that he said "why did you spend so much money?".
    
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TempestuousDevilFish

12 years ago

Well do remember that it's just one day. Maybe he isn't into the whole Valentines day hype. As long as he's being a good boyfriend and treating you right other days I think it's okay. It's stressful to be expected to express how you feel about a person in just one day.

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  I wouldnt be upset if he was a good boyfriend all year around, but he isnt. Im not super into the hype either but i still do nice things for him because i know it makes him happy. Plus he was into the whole valentines day hype last year.
  
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justafailwhale-

12 years ago

I think some parts are normal and some parts are not. My boyfriend didn't get me anything this year, we only hung out because I arranged it. But he and I have only been together 4 months. If you've been together 18 months, I think that it's a bit weird. Ask him what the problem is. It's normal for guys to not do anything because they're scared of not meeting expectations. But for him to make up excuses to avoid it? I'm not so sure.

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  Well if hes scared of meeting expectations, that doesnt make sense because he will never meet my expectations by doing zero. Plus my expectations are so easy to meet: how hard is it to pick up your phone and give me a call?
  
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Darkoil

12 years ago

You sound unbelievably pathetic and needy. You should be making him work for your attention, not giving him yearly subscriptions to netflix.

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- 5796
  
  12 years ago
  
  Right, so its pathetic and needy to want to be treated half decently? The yearly netflix subscription was a gift for valentines day not something I would do at the drop of a hat. I give gifts to make people happy, because tgats what matters to me. Its sounds like you are the type of person who would treat their significant other like crap and them blame them for being "needy" and "pathetic".
  
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  - Darkoil
    
    12 years ago
    
    On the contrary whenever I have a girlfriend, I make her feel like a princess everyday and I never expect anything back in return, it makes me happy to see her happy. Why don't you do yourself a favour and find somebody who will treat you like a princess or at the very least treat you like their girlfriend which it doesn't sound like he's doing at the minute.
    
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    - hundredthousand
      
      12 years ago
      
      So on one hand you're saying that the right thing to do is treat someone well, but then you're calling 5796 pathetic and needy because she wants to be treated well. Make your mind up.
      
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      - Darkoil
        
        12 years ago
        
        Haha I didn't say she is pathetic because she wants to be treated well I called her pathetic and rightly so because her boyfriend treats her like shit and she is the one who seems to be running after him. Do you understand now?
        
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        hundredthousand
        
        12 years ago
        
        Of course. I understand completely what you say. That to be treated well, you have to demand this and force people to treat you well. I get that. I honestly do. But I'm still arguing the opposite opinion. That you should treat people well regardless, even if they don't strong-arm you into it. It'd be a better world if people were nice. You shouldn't have to force respect from people. It should be forthcoming.
        
        What's wrong with being nice to others?
        
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        5796
        
        12 years ago
        
        Im not running after him or kissing his ass just because i treat him well as a boyfriend. I treat him the way i would want to be treated and i dont believe that people should need prompting in order to respect their girlfriend. I dont give up easily on friends or relationships and its probably ny downfall. however, At this point i am having second thoughts otherwise i wouldnt be posting on here.
        
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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

I dated a girl who's birthday was the day after mine and i forgot it......so dont sweat

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that my boyfriend didnt do anything on valentines day?