Is it normal that my "best" friend only cares when it's convenient?

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12 Comments

Toward the end of high school, I became close with my now "best" friend. I have that in quotations because I'm just unsure… A year after we became very close, I feel like when we're away at college (45 minutes apart) he does not care in the slightest about what's going on in my life or how I'm doing. But when breaks roll around, he'll suddenly want to hang out a lot.

When we do hang out, he spends a lot of the time on his phone, and if we watch a movie, he'll fall asleep. I feel like he just calls me when there's no one else and when he doesn't have anything to do, and that really has been bothering me lately. The other day, we reunited for winter break, and the first thing he said was, "We can be friends again!" It kinda bothered me because I wanted to ask why we're not friends ALL the time.

Is this all in my head? I also don't know how I would confront him about it without sounding needy and naggy.

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 66 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    I have a friend I consider myself pretty close with but being apart like that just makes it hard sometimes. We have different things going on and there doesn't seem like a point to talk ALL the time, although we try to every few weeks. I would bring it up if its gonna end up really hurting your friendship and you never know maybe he notices too and doesn't know how to bring it up either. I'm sure you will find the words you need.

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    • MmmHmm
      10 years ago

      I completely agree with you. As for my other close friends (that are even farther away than he is), we at least communicate every couple weeks. We have fun conversations, talk about problems, and give advice, stuff like that. But with him, if I text him telling him to have a great show, he sometimes won't respond or will say something that kills the conversation and doesn't show that he cares an ounce about my life.

      Thank you very much! I appreciate the advice.

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  • Shelbs
    10 years ago

    You're more invested in the friendship than he is. I suggest you only give as much as he is giving.

    I have a friend like that and I eventually got tiered of caring more, so I gave what I received. The result was that we became more like acquaintances. That's okay, I have other friends. And I don't need to give my time to someone who can't be bothered to keep in touch.

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  • cuppycake1228
    10 years ago

    Listen to these people, OP. One-way streets never pay. You're only going to end up angry and hurt. Just be more careful in the future of whom you get close to. I pick my friends a lot more selectively now. If you're too nice, you'll get burned. This may sound harsh, but you'll realize it as you get older (I'm 32).

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    • MmmHmm
      10 years ago

      I had a talk with him, and we'll probably talk again tonight. But he said he's just never been good at keeping in touch with people or with showing his emotions. He said he's not like that with anyone. I know it's an excuse, but it is true. Not that I'm going to live with it, but I don't want to give up on him 100% quite yet. I think I'll start by pulling back a bit and seeing how things go when I give an equal amount that I'm getting.

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  • Thatguy777
    10 years ago

    Yeah, that was how my "best" female friend was. Fucking bitch. She only talks to me when SHE feels like it. I'm no longer friends with her.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    A friend is someone who is there for you even if it's inconvenient for them. No ifs, ands or buts!
    Distance and/or time apart should mean nothing to a friendship, at all. I've had a few, very few, friendships that spanned 40+ years and it didn't make any difference if we'd seen each other the day before or 5 years before; we were friends.

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    • MmmHmm
      10 years ago

      This is exactly how I feel! And I have other friends that I keep in touch with even when we're apart (and they are even farther away). Thank you for the reassurance. I think I'll just take a break from him for a while.

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  • rachel.dsouza
    10 years ago

    I have samelike story as you..My best friend is always busy with other people and work.But when i ask for tim she says she is busy and when she had nobody to talk with then only she talks..so buddy its not on your mind..othe person in this word too has same story like you

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  • fukpeople
    10 years ago

    Totally understand how ya feel. I am going to give you the blunt truth because I have been in similar situations- I know it sucks- Some people however are users and will just use you until they find something 'better' to do. Tell him how you feel and see what his reaction is because you may be able to tell whether or not it's truthful what he is saying.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    If he will suck you off he's your friend if not a worthless person passing through your life.

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  • Shugaboom
    10 years ago

    No! He's not you "best" friend at all. Not even a regular friend.

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