Is it normal that my 5-year-old twin boys sleep with us?

59% Normal
21 Comments

My five-year-old twin boys, James and Samuel, keep having a reoccuring nightmare, every single night.
They sleep in the same room, always have, but recently they've been drifting in to sleep with us from about 11p.m.
At school they're studying the Romans. They learned a little about Roman centurians, and they are super frightened. To be honest, I can't quite work out how schools could scare kids that much. They aren't faking it, either. My oldest-by-nine-minutes, James, nearly threw up crying before 'Romans Day', and Samuel picked up on it (twinpathic!) and got a bit of an upset stomach, too. They're usually pretty lively, energetic little boys.
Anyway, me and my hubby John were just settling in for the night at 11p.m., when out came a knock at the door, and two tear-streaked twins stumbled in, runny-nosed and sniffling, explaining that they'd had a nightmare. "I kept dreaming about the Roman centurian," Samuel said, and quickly James agreed. We let them sleep with us, but they've become so scared that John and I have to occupy the outside of the bed, with the twins in the middle.
This has been going on for several weeks now, and we don't know what to do. We put them to bed at seven-thirty to eight-ish in their own beds and they go off fine, albeit with a little convincing, only to wake up in a cold sweat. When we refused to let them in our bed, they cried, screaming to the point where they actually struck out at my husband, John, who scooped them up and held them close until they calmed down.
No amount of reasoning seems to settle their fretful minds. My husband's elder brother Kevin is adored by my sons. James (at age five) is planning to be a lawyer 'just like Uncle Kevin' but even his lawful reason couldn't do it.
John tries most nights to put them to bed, it seems to work better, until the usual fiasco at eleven.
It's tough because John's 25, I'm 24, so we're quite young. Also the customs are different in Ireland (where John's from, where we live) than in England (where I'm from - I moved to Dublin when I was 17, to be with John). Over here the parents are more nurture as apposed to nature. So John likes them sleeping with us, he thinks it's cool and okay.
Sorry for the rant, but what shall we do?
Thanks
xxx

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59% Normal
Based on 51 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    Night terrors are common among children, but this sounds like a phobia of anything roman related. I guess they were traumatised when they first learned about them. This phobia needs to be addressed. Take them to a sleep specialist and a therapist. Don't stick them on meds but their phobias and sleep disturbances must be addressed now. Them sleeping in your bed will only cause a dependancy that won't eliminate the deeper issues.

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    • *~ThePurplePixie~*
      11 years ago

      I absolutely agree with you Avant-Garde, they need to learn about sleeping in their own bed.
      Last night we sent them to their paternal Granny's house, where my two brother-in-laws live, too. Apparently they managed to sleep alone until 3a.m., when they woke and ended up sharing a single bed with their uncle because they couldn't stop crying.
      It gave John and myself time to spend time without them in bed (...) and discuss a few options. They love their Granny and happily go off to stay on their own, so we hoped it would break the sad cycle.
      3a.m. is an improvement, so that's good. My in-laws only live around the corner, so it's a bonus. Plus they get on great with my hubby's twin and older brother, and actually mentioned the Romans without crying in front of their uncles.
      Obviously tonight could be a whole different ball-game, so who knows, but they do seem a little more settled, and went off to play football with the men in the park.
      John and I are going to give it another week, try to edge them out of our bed, and if it's still no better then look into therapy. Although in Dublin it's more law schools than therapy centres hehe!
      Thanks xxx

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  • joybird
    11 years ago

    I'm from Ireland. Get down to their school at once and tell the teacher what's going on and for her to stop this Roman crap at once, or to put a more positive slant on it - if it really must continue.

    Never bring up the subject of Romans at home and get your husband to tell them a bedtime story where they are the heroes who can conquer the world and who are afraid of nothing whatsoever! Your real problem is not getting them off to sleep it's getting past the nightmares so they need some activity to dream about. Cut out the TV and get them to play in the garden before bedtime so that's their last thoughts and memories.

    Obviously it's one of them upsetting the other so maybe you could separate them to find out which one needs the help most. He needs to be reassured that all the Romans are dead a long time and can't come back. Anyway, their dad is the biggest toughest man any Roman would be afraid of and he locks all the doors every night to keep the boys safe. He could also check out their wardrobes and under the beds if they ask him to.

    Don't dismiss their fears as nonsense but quash them by being bigger and tougher!

    I understand letting the boys sleep with you - but it does get rather crowded and the adults don't really get a good night's sleep. It's better that they are 'big boys' who can sleep in their own beds - but I wouldn't insist if they are genuinely distraught. There will come a time when they are pretending and you can shoo them back in.

    This is an awful situation for you, and I've been there :o( Hopefully, they will move on to fishing or some other suitable topic in school and give the boys a break.

    Good luck.

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    • *~ThePurplePixie~*
      11 years ago

      Thanks! Yes, it's definitely Samuel who's actually HAVING THE DREAMS, but James believes everything he says (it's a twin thing). Yeah, I might storm into that school and ask what the bloody hell is going on? Seriously, it is weird.
      I'm going to get John to take the twins around each room, locking every door. We never have the TV on after 5:00, at least until the young'uns have gone to bed. They LOVE playing in the garden, so that's cool. We have quite a nice lawn, too.
      It's Roman day tomorrow at school, so tonight might be a bit tougher, but we're going to try our best and just relax. The more relaxed we are, the more relaxed they are.
      I think part of it is that my own parents live in England and I don't see them that often; so I feel more isolated as a mother. John's dad lives right off in Kildare so I guess it isn't perfect for him either - but he still has his mam, granny and brothers living close in Dublin.
      Thanks a million for the advice, I'm going to ensure John tries it all out!
      Xxx

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      • joybird
        11 years ago

        His Irish mum and granny will say, "Och leave them be, they'll be fine!" The Irish women think their boys can do no wrong :o)

        I think I'd be tempted to keep them off school away from Roman Day! They are still very young and their wee fears are still very real.

        Take loads of photographs coz they grow up really quickly - and you may want to remember them as sweet and innocent when you're dealing with teenage monsters!

        Good luck girl.

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        • *~ThePurplePixie~*
          11 years ago

          Hahahahaha that's so true, so true. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother-in-law to bits and pieces, but the "och leave them be, they'll be fine," bit sounds too familiar.
          Whenever she's around I always feel like a child abuser if one of the twins snatches an object and I say, "don't do that, James/Samuel!" Because she has this annoying habit of giving you a 'sweet look' that really says, "och, leave them be!" ha, ha!
          We were eating with the in-laws and James burped really loudly. I said, "What do you say?"
          But the moment James said "pardon me!" their granny looked at me as if to say, "och, leave them be, they'll grow out of it!"
          He's A MAN! HE'LL NEVER GROW OUT OF IT haha! Bless 'er.
          Yepp! Lots of photos! They grow up like wildfire...one minute still in the incubator, the next lobbing snowballs at the neighbour's car...oh, happy days.
          Yeah, John and I might keep them off tomorrow. Although there's the argument of making them face their fears, it seems so tough for them, and like you say, very real fears.
          Thanks for the luck...I'll probably need some!
          xxx

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          • joybird
            11 years ago

            Nah - they're too young to face their fears! Hopefully after tomorrow the subject will be dropped but you need to tell the teacher about their trauma over this before she introduces something worse.

            Unfortunately, Irish mother in laws can be a nightmare, and although I'm sure she doesn't mean to undermine you with your boys - make sure she doesn't!!

            Always nip any issue with school / family in the bud before it escalates. In my book, that means if I lose one night's sleep over something - I deal with it the very next day. Parents get little enough sleep without additional stresses.

            Good luck with whatever you decide tomorrow ;o)

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            • *~ThePurplePixie~*
              11 years ago

              Yeah, we kept them off school in the end.
              They woke up crying their faces off at 4a.m., ended up sobbing into John's chest for about an hour, refusing to sleep anywhere unless they were clamped against his shoulders.
              In the morning, we woke up and they began to cry again. John seems to be the only one to calm them down, or John's older brother Kevin.
              They really wanted to go out and play football with Dad and Uncle Kevin, but John works as a computer technician, and Kevin had a case on (he's a lawyer). They seem to think that the Romans will get them unless their dad or Kevin are there, so I keep reminding them how the Romans are long dead, and that they are the biggest bravest boys in the world!
              Before John went to work, Samuel cried so much that he nearly threw up, and John had to rub his back until he stopped choking. James seems to be less scared, but he still gets so upset.
              I'm feeling pretty cool emotionally, but now I think John's feeling the weight of it, as the twins will only seem completely settled when he's there. John's twin brother works with John, so he couldn't come round either. Before work, poor John actually shed a few tears and got a bit weepy about it all, I guess having a twin himself, he understands what they go through as a pair.
              Still, once he'd gone to work, the boys seemed a bit better!

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  • drugsrbadmkay
    11 years ago

    Normal is long as it doesn't go on too long. Children sleeping in the marital bed long-term is very very bad for the relationship between the man and wife.

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  • JustDave
    11 years ago

    I'd definitely speak to their teacher & find out what's being taught in the classroom as well as how its being taught. That seems to be the source of the problem.

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  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    I would suggest first talking to other parents of children in his classroom to see if this frightens their children as well. If it does, the teacher is not being careful of the psychological welfare on the children as she teaches this subject. I don't remember even learning about Romans at that age. Five is a very vulnerable age. Everything should be carefully explained to them. Although, avoiding the subject of Romans isn't going to make the nightmares stop. You could request she doesn't teach the subject to them until this gets sorted out. If you go barging in there demanding answers, she's unlikely to give you fully honest ones.
    I do like the idea of Dad being the hero, but Dad won't always be there. So you could get Dad to give them a magic toy or two that will fight off the Romans when King Dad is away; and as long as they have those toys by the doors and windows in their room, they'll always be safe.

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