Is it normal that me and my teacher are extremely close?
Since the beginning of the school year, me and him have been gradually becoming closer and closer. He's my theatre teacher, and runs all the plays at the school. This year, I was his assistant director for the first one, in which we talked a bit more since we were always around each other, resulting in him becoming aware of my past with my abusive father.
A little bit after this, I began hugging him every now and then, like my friends did.
In the second play, I starred as one of the characters in it. At rehearsals, me and him always ended up being the last there, and we'd walk out together and talk about random stuff. Three day before the performances, I had a suicide attempt, and my friends contacted him because my mother (who I am currently living with, not my father) is, in a way, not.. a mother. He was contacted, and he searched for me. Paramedics found me bleeding, took me to the hospital, and he texted me asking if I was okay and stuff, and I replied yes.
The next day, after school, he hugged me and checked if I was alright,then we began rehearsal for that play. After the rehearsal, I stuck around and we had a talk that had me crying. I told him a small bit about my mother and home situation (my brother is autistic, and overall the household is violent-not that Im complaining. I rather be here than with my father.) We talked a bit about my suicide attempt, my cutting, etc.
At some point, one day after rehearsal, I didnt have bus money to get home and he found out. He asked me how much bus fare was, and at first i refused to let him give me money, but then he pushed it. I told him $1.10, which he pulled out a split second before putting back in his wallet and pulling out a five and giving it to me. I denied it, I said no, but then he just replied "Let's just say I have trouble counting"
Me and my friends, who adore him as well, bought him a personalized hoodie for christmas, a theatre themed jacket signed by all of us, which I created using customink. I didnt want him to find out that I was the one who thought of the idea, but one of the friends told him, and he hugged me tightly.
A bit after that, we began a new play/musical-Cinderella.
This is where it gets more interesting.
He refused to assign an assistant director, but he always let me stay after because he knew how much I despised being home. At the first rehearsal, he expected me to do assistant directory things, which of course I obliged. Over time, it was obvious I was it-he had me assign blocking, he'd trust me to figure out choreography with the cast, etc etc.
We began hugging every day, often more than once at this point. I cant remember all the specific details, but I remember getting closer with him and my friends becoming jealous. We,e very now and then, had "talks" where I talked to him. I told him /everything/ about my father, my mother, my messed upness, my perfectionism, etc. He knew everything. We talked int he morning before class, after school, during school hours, it was a constant thing.
Like I said, I can't remember specifics until up to a few weeks ago. AT the beginning of this month, I had another suicide attempt that was a result of my anxiety. During this week, we had tech week rehearsals for cinderella as well as him having his own play that he starred in. I mentioned wanting to talk to him,a nd we planned to make time for it DURING rehearsal because he wouldnt have time afterwards.
Turns out, we wouldnt have anytime there, either.
A few days afterwards, I again had an anxiety attack and mental breakdown because of the stress of needing the play to be perfect, as I was running lights and sounds and curtains and all the cues. It also didnt help that my theatre teachers best friend, the music instructor, shouted at me for some reason.
Later, after it, I was silently crying to myself and he leaned towards me in the middle of his speech to the cast to "Go home and get some rest, you need it." There wasnt anything mean about it, but I took it personally.
I left, pissed, leaving my stuff in there. I ended up having to wait for them to be done for me to get it. As everyone was leaving, I went in, got my stuff. He tried to talk to me, he repeated my name, following me, and I simply ignored him. I talked to my friend, asking her if I was carpooling, as he sat down and continued to repeat my name, asking me to talk to him. Eventually, I did, exasperated. He asked me what happened, and I responded vague like "Stuff." And that went on a few more times util I broke down and told him that I was anxious, my family situation wasnt helping, the fact that we wouldnt be able to talk, etc. THen he talked, and comforted me. He even told me that he was sincerely "irked" that the music instructor had shouted at me. At the end of his little speech thing, he stood up and hugged me, saying "I love you hun, I really do."
The next day, he called a substitute for his drama class, and asked me to go with him to figure out some details about the play. I of course said yes. We went to the school library, i a corner that wasnt really noticable, and he set down the stuff and asked me about what had happened that Friday, when I had attempted suicide.
I paled and told him that we needed to focus on the play, and he responded "THis matters more to me than the play."
Sooo I told him, we talked, then after about an hour we did actually work on my cues, thankfully.
Now, at the performances of Cinderella, he kept on hugging me, especially after the performances-telling me I did amazing, that it was incredible, all of that.
This week, the week after performances, I made a gift for him to show him the appreciation of everything he had done. Oh, and it was also the week of the Cast party which took place Friday, where the cast members gave the other cast members awards. Anyways, in the meeting of the tech crew in the mornings, my theatre teacher made a huge speech about how amazing I did with a job he wouldnt allow most college students to do, yet I did incredibly.
Then, at the cast party, I found out that my theatre teacher had pulled aside someone and asked for them to make an award for me, even though only CAST members were supposed to be receiving, not techies like myself. She did, letting me know he in fact did that.
After the cast party, I gave him his gift, and he was genuinely shocked and happy. He hugged me for a long time, saying "I love you." in which I replied "I love you too."
And that leads up to today.
One more thing I should mention, is that when I make an accomplishment, such as honor roll or winning a speech competition or etc, and I be very humble about it, he'll make sure to point it out to everyone else, or get annoyed with me for downplaying it as not important.
Reminder: This relationship between me and him is not sexual nor romantic. It is a father and daughter kind.
My apologies that this is so long!