Is it normal that me and my dad dont talk?

68% Normal
7 Comments

When i was young my dad was a drinker and i witnessed him lash out at my mam a few times. His temper was awfull, i can still remember sitting on the top of my stairs with my little sister while he smashed the house up. My mam has told me things about the past that make me sick thinking about. Should she have told me these things? Maybe not, but thats another story.

I have nearly came to blows with him once since growing up, he started being agresive towards me and it brought up old memories and i just lost it, luckily for us both he changed his mind and locked me out the house so nothing came of it.

He has calmed down since and i still live with him but we NEVER talk. He might say, "you need a job" or "dont let the dog out" but that is the most conversation we have had in years. Looking back i cant remember ever having a proper chat with him. Its a weird situation because he helps me out with money at times and cooks for me occasionaly, according to my mam he "loves" me.

I hate it when his new partner comes over and he acts all normal, then as soon as the door closes its depressed dad again. I dont know the normal side of my dad, just the depressed man that i live with.

Am i going to regret not doing anything to help mend our relationship, in the future? Probably but for some reason i cant bring myself to talk to him, i have tried in the past and he is so negative its unreal.

Somtimes i think fuck him, hes a total douche anyway but he is still my dad after all so my feelings are all muddeld.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 22 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Try thinking about who your dad really is and it will help you understand his situation.

    Who was he when he was a kid?
    Where did he grow up?
    What were his parents like and how did they treat him?
    How was he with his friends?
    How many times did he fall in love?
    What were his aspirations in life, who did he want to be when he grew up?
    What was it like for him when you came into his world?
    Does he like his job and his coworkers?
    What do you think his bucket list looks like?
    Do you think he experiences emotional pain?
    When was the last time he cried?
    Did he ever protest anything in his life?
    Who were the most influential people in his youth?

    Everyone has a story, even your dad. Maybe you should start talking to him before it's too late and he's gone from the world for good.

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    • nowhereboy
      11 years ago

      That was touching. Is it bad that i dont know the answer to any of the questions?

      You make a good point tho, its just been years of awkwardness and bitterness so its VERY hard to break. He is making me dinner tonight and i actualy feel a bit guilty about this post now :(

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        It's not bad that you don't know those things about him, but doesn't it make you curious about who he is. After all, he did contribute to your DNA, wouldn't you want to know more about who he is?

        I hope your dinner goes well and is delicious. ;)

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  • jermath35
    11 years ago

    He should be happy he's got a son... He should want to spent all his time with u... Ur fucking dads an asshole just like mine :-(

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  • nowhereboy
    11 years ago

    Thanks for your comments folks.

    Im afraid it cant be done. The last two days i have heard him come in the house shouting and swearing his head off at everything. The dog was under his feet, or the cat wanted fed, he was screaming how he has "no time to himself" yet he has just got a girlfreind and used to moan about being lonley.

    He's a prick. If you could hear the hate and anger in his voice you would understand why i cant stand this man. Fuck his past im not interested. I wont use my bad upbringing as an excuse to be a angry man, he has no excuses.

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  • okbaby
    11 years ago

    Try writing him a letter on how you feel. That you would like to open up communications with him.
    If he has the brothers and sisters you can ask them how he was brought up. If his was brought up with a very hard childhood that could explain why he is the way he is.
    I was brought up the hard way I went to work doing a mainstay of at the age of 7. I've had many other experiences. Some were real bad and I will never talk about them to anybody.

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  • Shackleford96
    11 years ago

    I am in much of a similar situation myself with my own dad. In fact, I almost could have written this story myself. Yours sounds a tad bit worse than mine though, but I know how you feel. I don't think you can or should feel obligated to do anything to try and change him. Chances are he probably won't anyway, no matter what you do. I know exactly what you mean by the fake happiness thing. My dad has this constant and monotonous optimism/enthusiasm about him. I know that it's not real. I think it is sort of a defense mechanism that he has developed because he's in denial about things, and has been for a long time. My dad is NOT truly happy, but he often acts like he is which bugs me to no end, because I know it's not true.

    My advice to you is the same thing I plan on doing: just bide your time and move out when you get the chance. That way you can hopefully start your life anew, and maybe achieve some happiness in this often cruel world.

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