Is it normal that me and my best friend do this?

63% Normal

I'm a 22 year old male and me and my best friend who is also a guy hang out quite frequently shirtless and in our boxers. Many times we will hang out like this on the couch and put our arms around each other and embrace like that for hours while watching a movie or talking. It never goes into anything sexual. We never kiss or anything so its not gay. We are both attracted to girls and my friend has a girlfriend. What we do is just close male bonding without caring about societal norms for guys. Is this normal?

Voting Results

63% Normal

Based on 202 votes (128 yes)

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Comments ( 49 )

Unimportant

11 years ago

Gimmie a "G"! - G!
Gimmie an "A"! - A!
Gimmie an "Y"! - Y!

You know what I'm saying, don't you?

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- kit291
  
  11 years ago
  
  lol
  
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iEatZombies_

11 years ago

It's not common, but if you're both comfortable with it and nobody's getting hurt, don't worry about whether it's normal. Normal gets pretty unusual anyway, so screw normal.

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- nkwacky
  
  10 years ago
  
  True. I do that with my straight buddies too
  
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- kit291
  
  11 years ago
  
  yup true dat.
  
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- Thewomanizer
  
  11 years ago
  
  hahah so true :P
  
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Anime7

11 years ago

I wouldn't say it's normal, but it's not a bad thing. My friends and I hang out naked sometimes and we're all guys. As long as nobody's getting hurt and you all feel comfortable, I'd say it's normal.

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Avant-Garde

11 years ago

I have a hard time believing that both of you are completely straight...

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- richdude89
  
  11 years ago
  
  Can two dudes not touch each other and enjoy each other without being considered gay? This irks me about American culture. If two girls had what me and my friend enjoy, they wouldn't be considered lesbians.
  
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  - Anime7
    
    11 years ago
    
    The thing with girls showing affection towards each other is that it is common. Girls hug each other because it's what "besties." For guys it is different because there is a common mentality that men don't like to show appreciation of others. It's double-standards, I hate it to. In all honesty, try to ignore what people say on this site. As long as you're having fun, why care what people think?
    
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    - plum6
      
      11 years ago
      
      First off thank you for actually still being actively involved, since this is actually an interesting scenario. I realize there is no sexual act involved and even though I am not fully aware of the context of what is going on, I assume there are no feelings or personal tension between you and your friend. Also you are right to say that what is accepted and what isn't is (too?) highly affected by stereotypes and general viewpoints.
      
      But speaking as a completely straight guy who is comfortable with his sexuality I personally feel that the situation you are in is something that I would be very confused about. Even though general social acceptance or viewpoints should not completely influence what you feel or do they are pretty good guidelines to give you a notion of when you should consider what you are doing and think about the reasoning or feelings behind it.
      
      Especially since you are questioning your behaviour on this website I think that you do get the feeling that this might be something deeper or awkward that you are doing!
      
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      - richdude89
        
        11 years ago
        
        Hey man, I completely get what you are saying. I think American culture is too 'homophobic' not in the traditional since its used but the fact its questionable if guys touch each other or show affection for one another. Other countries don't have these kind of hangups and have much healthier male friendships. I post this because I have a passion for fighting this type of 'homophobia' with American guys.
        
        Now about my situation, the type of contact I have with my friend is actually quite common in my age group, but its usually always done for a laugh or in front of girls and there is almost always alcohol involved. That's actually how it started with me and Josh. The shirtless part is we are almost always usually shirtless anyways because that's how we roll and always have since our dorm days when we were roommates freshman year. Me and him became extremely close friends and have pretty much done everything together for the past three years. He is like the brother I never had.
        
        Last summer we really started 'playing gay' at parties and the like which involved stuff like sitting on a couch with arms around each other, linking arms while skipping, etc. It just became kind of habitual after that and after some conversations about male social norms, homophobia, our friendship, etc we decided we were comfortable being physically close to one another. Quite frankly though, the thought of kissing him (or any man) or having any sexual contact grosses me out.
        
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pondford

11 years ago

Dude, that's totally normal. Just a little uncommon is all.

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itsbenengel!

11 years ago

Me and my buddy used to do this all the time in high school. I knew quite a few other guys who did as well, all straight. It was pretty common among the jock types. I will say at 22 it's a little less common but whatever floats your boat!

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heretohelp000

11 years ago

Awwwww, that's adorable! Not gay though, I had two male friends who used to do this all the time in college, but they are both straight and are now both married. (with women)

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- richdude89
  
  11 years ago
  
  That's awesome! Me and Josh (my friend) hung out last night and of course we were wearing only gym shorts after working out as we usually do. Later on we ended up both in his bean bag chair with our arms around each others shoulders. Having talked about this thread we looked at each other and laughed were like "no homo dude" to each other before having a long talk about stuff. I have to say, at least in my case, being able to interact with each other in this way has added depth to our friendship we didn't share before. He is moving away at the end of the summer, which I am dreading, and I wonder if I'll ever have another friend like him.
  
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  - plum6
    
    11 years ago
    
    I still think both of your stories (as well as the poster's story) are kind of gay, I mean come on seriously? You all cannot think this is normal!
    
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    - richdude89
      
      11 years ago
      
      Dude, the current notion that for two guys to touch each other is gay is abnormal in the spectrum of human history. Male intimacy does not mean homosexuality. Its an awesome thing that so many guys in western culture miss out on due to homophobia.
      
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      - plum6
        
        11 years ago
        
        The fact that you realize that your behaviour is not considered normal, and I think you probably don't even think it is seeing that you are questioning it openly leads me to think you are not a homosexual (which by the way would naturally not at all be a bad thing if it were true) and you are just trying to figure out this behaviour from a heterosexual perspective.
        
        I myself and obviously the larger part of the respondents would not do what you do and feel uncomfortable and insecure or confused in such a situation. I applaud the fact that you are confident enough with yourself and your sexuality that you do not consider it an issue.
        
        However, considering possible heterosexual relationships in the future and your general social acceptance it would be a good idea to keep it to yourselves. You said that you are advocating anti-homophobic viewpoints within society but at this point aggressively showing this kind of behaviour will only hurt your own position.
        
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        richdude89
        
        11 years ago
        
        I agree with what you are saying here as I just experienced this very thing. My friend had his 23rd birthday pool party Friday night and lets just say we got a little too carried away and it went from funny to cute to strange to the girls there and we both ended up pretty embarrassed. From now on we are going to keep this kind of bonding between us when we are hanging out together or maybe when close friends are around, but tone it down at parties and what not. This behavior is actually pretty normal and common in small doses but maybe not to the extent we were doing. I really hate that society is the way it is and people freak out so much over guy friends being affectionate with each other but what do you do...
        
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MeLikesLittleBoys169

11 years ago

One time me and a priest did the same thing

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kit291

11 years ago

ok i'm not saying your gay but why do you need to be in just boxes and why do you need to be cuddling (putting your arms around eachother)?? it's a bit weird but it might be your both just into cuddling and you both feel comfortable cuddling eachother.

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- richdude89
  
  11 years ago
  
  We generally hang out in boxers or in gym shorts because its more comfortable and we are both beyond the nudity must be sexual thing. We haven't actually hung out completely naked yet but his 23rd birthday is coming up in about a month and he has said a few times he wants to spend his birthday naked so we'll see what happens. As for our cuddling, embracing, arms around each other, whatever you want to call it, it started last summer as a joke at parties but has become a bonding thing for us so now we do it quite frequently. Maybe it is a little homoerotic but we enjoy it and we know our limits and I was just wondering if any other dudes out there did anything similar with their besties.
  
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  - kit291
    
    11 years ago
    
    ok well thats fine. as long as you only see him as a friend and he feels the same it fine. my bf and some of his friend have opretty much seen each other naked alot because they don't care what they think. i think it's funny because i have to deal with knowing that pretty much most of his friends have seen him naked lol. anyway i think it's ok my bf hugs his friends sometimes... but if you do see him as more then a friend then there is a little chance you could be gay or bisexual. but if there is no feels then your both fine and should be happy you are comfortable around eachother.
    
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chocolatchaud

11 years ago

that's cute...bromance.

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- Thewomanizer
  
  11 years ago
  
  aww bromance is in the air, every sight and every sound, jj haha xD
  
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thinkingaboutit

11 years ago

you guys cuddle, and you don' think you have feelings for each other?! lol talk about that river in Egypt !

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ukcatstripey

9 years ago

Yes I think this is completely normal. Don't worry at all. Just two friends caring about eachother.

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mrfairfax

10 years ago

I just bumped it up to 51% normal!

Many people have these feelings for their best friends but are afraid to do anything about it or say anything because of the homophobia here. You are not gay for cuddling with another guy, or wanting to. You are, like other people have bred, just more confident and secure in who you are. It's a rare sentiment and you have a hard-to-find friend. Enjoy him before the summer ends.

My blog may help you out...You're not alone! http://were-not-gay.tumblr.com/

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wasjusthinkin

11 years ago

:) *her......But ya it's all about simple communication. lol

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[Old Memory]

11 years ago

Cool

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GuessWho

11 years ago

"without caring about societal norms for guys"
You answered your own question.
...Normal for those who don't care about societal norms for guys.

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didtav

11 years ago

dude, you are abnormal, you are gay! you just dont realize it

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wasjusthinkin

11 years ago

Seems normal..Little gay...ya know. I guess i just can't understand why you couldn't just be wearing clothes while hanging out, doing whatever....I don't know...Guess i'm..Juuust a little confused...

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- richdude89
  
  11 years ago
  
  Its not that we take our clothes off just to embrace, its that we are both usually at least shirtless when we are hanging out because its more comfortable, especially in the summer.
  
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  - wasjusthinkin
    
    11 years ago
    
    Well that makes since...If temp is a factor. But like do you guys decide to watch a movie and then just strip down like it's some normal routine? lol. Or was it just a moment where you were hot and both just chilled in your boxers for comfort.... And you wanted to know if that was a gay move or not? lol ya....I'm still confused. Do your thing :)
    
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    - richdude89
      
      11 years ago
      
      Sometimes we work out together and then afterwards watch a movie or play video games, and we don't bother getting dressed just to chill. Other times we just hang that way because its more comfortable and aren't ashamed of our bodies. We've had long discussions about this and we've gotten past the whole nudity = sex thing. We still don't hang out completely naked though, just usually boxers or gym shorts.
      
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      - wasjusthinkin
        
        11 years ago
        
        Alright.. You have convinced me. It's not gay at all. Just sounds like that MANS mans time lol. Now that you explain it, i get it. Not gay and very normal.
        
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        plum6
        
        11 years ago
        
        wow someone actually changing his opinion on the internet on account of an explanation. Renewed my hope for the future of online communication.
        
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thestocker

11 years ago

hey let me hang out with you guys but i think its too hot to wear boxers

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Wambo37

11 years ago

kinda like in that tv show scrubs....its normal

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- Immune2BS&way2Illuminated
  
  11 years ago
  
  LMAO. They are hilarious. JD and Turk. Chocolate Bear
  
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  - kit291
    
    11 years ago
    
    vanilla bear XD i love scrubs.
    
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    - Immune2BS&way2Illuminated
      
      11 years ago
      
      Right they crack me up on good days
      
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      - kit291
        
        11 years ago
        
        i'm just a really big fan of scrubs i know every episode and i sometimes feel like i'm being sad lol
        
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        Immune2BS&way2Illuminated
        
        11 years ago
        
        Same same here. I know almost every ep. that comes on now and still I laugh at them I feel sad sometimes too lol.
        
        But don't doubt We are awesome! We are excellent vigilantes of the series!
        
        "I cant do this aaaall on my own, no I knoooow...I'm no supermannnn"
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that me and my best friend do this?