Is it normal that masturbation always feels distant and empty?

masturbation doesnt feel like a desire or a passion it feel more like a chore that i choose to do to feel more normal. looking at porn, reading porn, or imagining things never turns me on and when i do i feel disgusted and angry with myself; the only things i do even find remotely close to exciting is things i know i find disgusting and terrible. the idea of being penetrated or using a dildo makes me feel sick to my stomach and i feel a stab of pain in my genitals. when i come i dont really feel anything from it and i have a sort of out-of-body experience where i feel my body reacting but there are no emotions or feelings to go with it. from what ive heard from others and seen in the media, masturbation isnt supposed to feel like this. i have been sexually assaulted in my childhood causing me to lose my virginity and i wonder if it has anything to do with that? is this normal?