Is it normal that it's hard to forgive yourself for something you did?

Devaluing yourself to further a relationship and lying to your parents to keep someone who just wanted to have sex with you.

Someone who wanted to be your pen pal but you kept telling them that you moved on.

The embarrassment of having to relive the day your family found out his age and had to break up with him.

Just being afraid of seeing him online scaring you.

This is what I did and I may never forgive myself for it.
I don't know how to forgive myself.
For this among many things.
Such as focusing on trying to be myself instead of focusing on being successful.
I wasn't being myself all that time.
I don't know who I was.

Outside of writing for classes,I only write about my feelings and my personal problems and hide them so no one can find them. I can't write anything fiction because I don't have any inspiration to. I don't have the inspiration to draw either.

My biggest dream was to be a writer, but I can only write news.

If I hadn't credited my success to someone who never loved me, I would be much happier. I thought I was doing the right thing but I was wrong. I have to relive every moment I felt that I was standing up for myself but I was such a fool.