Is it normal that it bothers me when other people get engaged/married?

64% Normal
10 Comments

Not in general, I feel happy for others when good things happen to them but I feel this twinge of jealousy. I actually don't feel it when the couple has been together longer than my boyfriend and I have but it bothers me a lot when it happens to people who started dating after we did.

Case in point: I start dating my bf. 6 months later, guy I know asks me out. I turn him down because I have this boyfriend and I'm not interested. Well, eventually the guy got another girl and that's great, but they're already happily married now and my relationship status hasn't changed.

So I feel three things: jealousy that things have worked out so quickly for other people, concern (when those people are actually friends) that they have maybe made a mistake and gone too quickly, and resentment towards my boyfriend because seeing everyone move past us when they started later makes me feel like he is dragging his feet and maybe that he just doesn't love me enough to want to marry me.

We don't live together either. We both have steady jobs and plenty of money, so he doesn't have the "saving up" excuse. We also aren't kids either, me late 20's and him early 30's and we have been together for over two years.

I'm getting really tired of it, although I'm also not ready to leave yet.

Is all of this normal?

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 61 votes (39 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • howaminotmyself
    11 years ago

    Do you want to share the rest of your life with this guy? There is no rule that says you have to get married to do that. Who cares if others are getting married, they aren't you. Talk to your boyfriend about it, maybe you just need to try living together first.

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  • Sailor_Cosmos
    11 years ago

    My dear, you are not alone I am in the exact same boat right now.

    I should be following the advice I'm about to give you, but try not to let other people's lives affect yours.

    Sometimes men need more time to think about these kinds of things than we do. But its hard I know as women, your biological clock is ticking and you see everyone else around you moving on with their lives...its really difficult.

    But like my mother told me marriage isnt want we unmarried women think it is. It is hard work and can become boring and monotonous at times, even if you have a wonderful marriage. She told me to enjoy my dating life with my boyfriend and if its meant to be it will be and to stop worrying about things that I cant control and to focus on the here and now and to stop worrying about what has yet to pass. She was right to tell me all of this but its still really difficult for me.

    I found out over the summer that my high school sweetheart married the girl he dumped me for! He broke up with me 11 years ago for this other girl and they have been together ever since and just tied the knot this past August. I was so sad when I heard, which is silly I know because I'm over him but it still bugged me like I wasnt good enough. Plus I was engaged for 5 years in my early 20's and that was a bust. I had to end the relationship because my ex went crazy! Now I have a great man and a good stable relationship yet I am still wanting for a ring!

    Ugh! The pre engagement stage is brutal! But dont worry your time will come my dear as will mine. Feel free to send me a message if you need a kindred spirit to talk to. I know exactly how you feel.

    Best of luck to you and your man doll!

    Love,

    Sailor Cosmos xox

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I tried to message you but couldn't because neither of us are gold users.

      But I want to thank you for your thoughtful and compassionate reply.

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      • Sailor_Cosmos
        11 years ago

        No problem, I really hope it helped you to feel better :)

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  • SeverusFan23
    11 years ago

    Yes.

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  • rawrinator
    11 years ago

    Have you talked to HIM about it? How does he feel about marriage? If he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you then you might wanna rethink this...
    But really the internet can't help you all to much with this one, you gotta sort things out with your boyfriend and find out what he wants and ask him to REALLY think about it. It's better to find out now rather than rush marriage and end up in a messy divorce.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Of course I have spoken to him about it. We have many similar life goals, including the desire to have children. It is just that whenever we do talk about the marriage issue, he never confirms not denies a wish to be married.

      He asked me a while back what kind of rings I liked and what my finger size was, and then just sort of dropped the subject. I just wish he would tell me one way or the other, sometimes he acts as though he would never get married and other times he talks about "our" future and "our" children and "our" home.

      But then it's like he catches himself and grows cold again.

      I wish I knew what his problem was. Every time I bring up the subject he has an excuse not to talk about it, and I think it is important.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Over 9000 people feel the same way when people get engaged.

    Please take your time impulse marriages almost always end in tears.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    I know what you feel. I felt like this a couple of week ago when I met this girl and she told me that she was getting married in less than a month. I live with my bf and I would be so happy if our union was official. Yes it's just a piece of paper but that piece of paper would make me feel so much better.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    I do want to share the rest of my life with him but we are both old-fashioned and just living together won't cut it for either of us (especially him). I care because I really want to be a wife and mother and have a normal family. I had a lot of people in and out of my life and I desire something stable where the parties involved have a real commitment. Not that I am downing people who do things non-traditionally, just that my unique life experience has left me craving a traditional household.

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