Is it normal that in 9 months my bf has only paid for one dinner?

13% Normal
8 Comments

I've been dating my bf for 9 months. I am coming out of a 14 year marriage at age 36 and my bf has only been in one other relationship at age 24. We were friends for two years prior to dating (we actually work together). I couldnt ask for a better partner as far as his compassion, patience, and attention goes; he's trust worthy, and wants to spend every free minute he has with me. The bad: we go for drinks after work a lot. I always end up picking up the tab. At first I didn't mind; I'm not above paying every now and then, but every now and then has turned into all the time. He's only paid for dinner one time! Its really starting to erk me. I get anxiety if he wants to go out and do something because I'm afraid i'll get stuck with the bill. If I make a point to say "seperate checks", he has no problem paying for his, but never picks my tab up. I'm a single mother of 3, and I feel I can't afford to date him anymore. I'm just a waitress, and while I do make decent money, I feel like he should be paying for at least me if we do things together with my children. I never expect him to pay for my kids, but I shouldn't have to pay for him as if he is one of my kids either! I have tried to be understanding since relationships are new to him...but clearly he sees my struggle and has no problem taking with me handing over money for the bills. I'm to a point where I try to avoid going anywhere with him anymore because I just end up frustrated. Its no way to live. Any suggestions would be great.

Voting Results
13% Normal
Based on 16 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • dirtybirdy
    8 years ago

    Next time he asks you to go out to eat or whatever, tell him you can't afford it this week. If he says ok then goes out without you...he's a bum. If he offers to pay...yay!

    Orrr just be like listen here pal, etc.

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  • jethro
    8 years ago

    The protocall is; if you ask someone out on a date, you pay. If someone asks you out on a date, they pay. If someone asks you out and you don't want to feel obligated, you say OK but we go "Dutch". If someone asks you out, when the check arrives, if they don't reach for it, pick it up and hande it to them and say "Here it is, it was your invitation". If necessary, explain the rules to them. If they stutter, just get up, walk out and leave them there with the bill. If they don't like it, there is always someone just around the corner.

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  • sillygirl77
    8 years ago

    Tell him all this!

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  • reminiscent
    8 years ago

    you can always ask to take turns paying for things.

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  • umph
    8 years ago

    Which of you is wealthier? (it really DOES matter)

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    • ReginaFalange
      8 years ago

      Exactly.
      And also, he doesn't have kids so he should have more money to go out.... tricky.

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  • NegativeGamer444
    8 years ago

    i bet he would pay if you looked half way decent

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    So why have you put up with this scrooge leeching off you for 9 months and why are you excusing his behavior as him not being used to relationships? I'll bet when he goes out with his mates he doesn't expect everything he eats and drinks to be paid for by others.

    I can't imagine why you'd want to be with someone so mean and disrespectful but if you're not going to dump him for a normal adult, just don't take any money with you when you go out with him. Do a rough calculation of how much you've spent on him over the time you've been together and tell him you're not paying for anything until he's paid often enough to equalise it.

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