Is it normal that im upset that my boyfriend lied about this

76% Normal
30 Comments

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 nearly 7 months and we have been really happy, until he lied that he was a virgin before me. Ok so i would not give a single F if he wasn't and just told me, im just upset that he lied to me and made me feel special because i was the only one he ever been with. I wasn’t a virgin before and i told him that i just dont get why he didnt tell me this far in. I know it sounds dumb but i dont know how i feel about it like am i mad, upset, jealous because it just hit me like a truck. I am not breaking up with him im just really bothered about it

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76% Normal
Based on 41 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 30 )
  • SwickDinging
    4 years ago | pl

    It's weird that he lied about that. I wouldn't be able to trust someone after that. It makes me think that he's trying to lull you into a false sense of security with him, or portray a fake image of himself.

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    • d0esnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      It makes sense to me. See reply to ellnell

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      • SwickDinging
        4 years ago

        I see... I interpreted this as the OP's partner NOT being a virgin, but saying that he was, despite her saying that she wasn't a virgin.

        OP, can you clarify? The advice changes a bit depending on which it is...

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        • d0esnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          I'm pretty sure I got it wrong actually.

          OP's boyfriend said he was a virgin when he wasn't. This makes more sense on second thought.

          I assumed it was the other way around because I basically skimmed the post.

          I think for committed relationship situations, being a virgin increases your value and makes your partner feel more special. As opposed to casual dating situations where it's more of a negative thing if your a virgin. I have experienced this myself.

          When I date girls who are more "serious" and want a relationship they have been disappointed to hear I am not a virgin, or at least say they don't care but seem a little taken back. But if it's like second date sex and we have agreed it's a casual situation beforehand, they basically expect you to have had sex before.

          In fact, once I actually lied and said I was virgin when I wasn't when I had a tinder hook up just because I was curious. She was all hesitant to take my "virginity" but I still convinced her to smash and by the end she said there's no way I was a virgin and I told her I lied on purpose just to see what happened and we had a good laugh.

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  • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
    4 years ago

    He probably tells white lies constantly. Those ppl are very annoying. Just keep an eye on his stories.

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    I think this is not so much about virginity, but all about dishonesty. I'm not can't stand liars. I'm not a very good liar, because it makes feel gross.

    I usually lose trust with people after they lie to me.

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    • d0esnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      This

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        Yes, thank you.

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  • megadriver
    4 years ago

    I would get telling a little lie, claiming you were NOT a virgin, to boost your ego and not have a girl potentially laugh at you and telling her the truth in a way she'll have to be sympathetic, but doing the opposite is a douchebag thing to do.

    Guy sounds like a scumbag. Trying to lure you in with false innocence... not cool.

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  • Boojum
    4 years ago

    One of the problems with lying is that the longer the lie stands, the more difficult it becomes to admit the truth.

    I'm not entirely clear on what was said when, but my impression is that he told you he had no previous sexual experience at the start, but he's fairly recently admitted that this wasn't true. If that's correct, I wonder how you would have reacted if he'd admitted that he did have prior sexual experience immediately after you did it for the first time, and how that compares with what you're feeling now.

    It wouldn't be entirely unreasonable for you to question what else he's lied to you about, but it seems to me that this is something of a special case. You've been together for some time now and you say you're generally happy together. It seems to me that counts for a lot more than things either of you said at the start of the relationship.

    It clearly bothers you for reasons you can't quite pin down, so I'd suggest you talk to him about this. If your relationship is good, explaining your feelings and discussing them with him might help you sort out what you feel and why, as well as helping you to understand why he lied about this. Motivations count for a lot, and perhaps you'll find that his reasoning behind his lie is something you can understand given what he knew about you then and where he was in his life, or maybe it will strike you as so damn stupid that it's hilarious.

    In spite of what some people want to believe, all relationships involve some lying from time to time - even if it's just a passive sort of lying where you don't complain about something that bugs you because you know there's no point. Constant, unfiltered honesty is just as toxic in a relationship as habitual lying.

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    • Irishgal3
      4 years ago

      I would love him regardless of what he done in the past i wish he would’ve just told me instead of lying to me, we just talked it out and there was alot of crying for some reason its not a big deal. He said im glad I brought it up and he is sorry for making me feel less of a person

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      • Ellenna
        4 years ago

        I hope you've now moved beyond feeling you're less of a person when he's the one who lied, not you. If you've been fully honest with him and he hasn't with you, he's less of a person than you!

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  • ellnell
    4 years ago

    That's a weird thing to lie about. I'd think, what else is he lying about?

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    • d0esnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      Not too "weird" I'd say from a guys perspective. Guys don't like seeming sexually inexperienced and there is something very awkward about a girl who knows what shes doing and a guy who doesn't.

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      • ellnell
        4 years ago

        I'm pretty sure OP wrote that the boyfriend lied about being a virgin as in he wasn't a virgin but claimed to be one.

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        • d0esnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          Oh shit your right.....

          I mean that makes sense as well, in fact probably more sense in the context of a relationship where you want your partner to feel special. Too much casual dating for me I guess lol I just assumed like that.

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  • MrMercury24
    4 years ago

    Yeah it's normal to feel that way but I wouldn't be upset about it. He was probably just embarrassed.

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  • Shiki
    4 years ago

    I absolutely think he just wanted to think you this, maybe he was insecure or just wanted a better picture of himself to you. You are a couple, why do you not just ask him yourself?

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  • PunkChangedTheWorld
    4 years ago

    The only thing you can do is to get a strapon and take his butt virginity

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  • bigsausavebaws
    4 years ago

    douche bag alert

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  • randypete
    4 years ago

    what else does he lie about?

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  • Phoebe2005
    4 years ago

    It’s not that big of a deal but yeh lies r lies :/

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  • anonY123
    4 years ago

    If you are not a virgin and he is not a virgin then you're both on the same page

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    • JustAHuman
      4 years ago

      They're both liars?

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      • anonY123
        4 years ago

        Doesn't matter

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  • mlenny
    4 years ago

    Really, the word "normal" applies quite poorly to emotions. You feel how you feel and that's that. It's absolutely normal to have feelings that you don't totally understand and nobody knows better than you what is best for you in this situation.
    Best of luck to you!

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  • oceanthief
    4 years ago

    I think he lied to you 'cause he wanted to look cool and different compared to other guys, got it? But I would be suspicious of him now...

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  • d0esnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    As I have said elsewhere in this post, I 100% understand why he lied about this. It doesn't make it eight to lie, but it should make it easier to forgive him. And yeah I would be upset if I were you but I also wouldn't leave him over this.

    What I would do is make it clear to him how important honesty is to you in your relationship and make sure he knows that.

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  • rocketdave
    4 years ago

    I'm too lazy to lie, it takes too much memory as per Scott.

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  • Jennifer21
    4 years ago

    Yeah, lying is the problem! He should fuck anyone he wants, just be honest about it!

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