Is it normal that im scared to have a step-child?

79% Normal
6 Comments

ok, so im going to be getting married very soon, and my fiance has full custody of his daughter who just turned 9 a few days ago. shes really a beautiful, sweet well mannered little girl. it makes me more attracted to him to see how responsible he is, and how kind and gentle he is towards her. but the problem is, im so scared of being a "step-mother" even though in our religion i really am not respnsible for his child as far as stepping in as a mother fugure, logic tells us, that its sort of inevitable. i have no children of my own (im 20) but i have alot of experience with children and have pretty much been the one raising my 4 little cousins. i worry though because these children have always known me as an authority "mom" figure, and they love and respect me as such. what i ask of them they usually abide to etc. but i know, having been a step-child, that step-parent have it harder. and also, he is more lenient on he in terms of religious learninng than id like, and it really kind of bothers me. is it ok to be a little nervous? and has anyone gone through a similar situation i'd love some advice. because this is just one of my many marriage worries. im having so much anxiety over silly things as the date gets nearer. but this has been one from the beggining. :-)

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 58 votes (46 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 6 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Did you just use religion and logic in the same sentence?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • christophero1973
    12 years ago

    You are far, FAR more religious than he is. I am in my forties (single,NM) and have seen this painfully destroy a marriage over the course of 13 long years! Do not marry until you mellow-out on the religion.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • inlove89
    13 years ago

    Ur only 20 what's the rush?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • sherry
    13 years ago

    Be afraid, very afraid. You are too young to get married esp with a ready made family. He will always take his childs side against yours. My step children were awful and made us miserable. I wouldn't do one day of it again.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • artFreak
    13 years ago

    i can understand yr worries. A child is a big responsibility, and biggest, when it's not yrs. It's very brave of u accepting this, and liking the kid..
    Problems may appear when u act like a mom to his daughter..maybe one say she will say "u r not my mom.." or even when u want to have a child of yr own. My aunt had the same problem, when that girl was like 15 and start her own revolution. But she handle it well.. Cz even if she was not her mother, she raised her and took care of her as like she was. as long as u love that man, and his daughter, anything that MAY come in the future is just a waste of time thinking them right now. Everything is going to be alright and it's all in yr hands and yr husbands

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      thanks for the comment, and yeah what you said makes sense and thats how i see it in moment of less nerves lol but now it seems like all my worries are magnified 1000 times with planning a big move to a new city far far away. trying to figure out all the new logistics of my life as a married woman and get used to being responsible for more than just what shoes best suit my scarf lol. also thanks for being the only one thus far who hasnt made some issue of my age,,,, our culture in this country is strange where we delay and disapprove of young people marrying, and encourage (even if not intentionally, by preventing marriage you are) fornication, and risky behaivior. this in my religion is a major sin. and its not one easily avoided ever and especially not by a person like myself who has been used to being in a relationship constantly since 13(yeah ugh... i needed my ass beat lol). but understanding that humans are only humans, and we have urges and needs both for sexual attention as well as companionship, a "partner in crime" (without the crime part jeje) and mainly just a best friend, it is not only encouraged for young adults to marry asap, in some cases (like mine) it becomes obligatory if you feel you are at risk of commiting sin.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0