Is it normal that i want to stay with my girlfriend?

83% Normal
5 Comments

My girlfriend suffers from depression and she knows it, but she will not let me help. A couple months ago her dad was in the hospital for a heart attack, this dramatically increased her depression.

Her work ethic has become increasingly poor (for example our dog was sick & I said I could take her to the vet, but she insisted on coming too & she called off work), she doesn't want to do anything unless she can drink (but she is not a nasty drunk or anything like that,she just enjoys drinking), she handles money poorly and she keeps gaining weight(not that I care if she's heavier, but I know it bothers her and the health factor to her being over weight scares me; she used to be active and she was at a healthy weight, but now she is "lazy" and she is about 50 lbs. overweight) and her outlook on life's situations is very negative and anger based.

I love her so much because we have so much fun together, she is very supportive of my feelings and she backs me up in everything I do and I used to do the same for her, but lately being supportive has been increasingly hard. She won't talk about her feelings, she wants me to just accept the way she is choosing to handle life, I just don't know how long I can do it though. Her negativity and her anger is really starting to affect my personality.

We have been together for 3 years and we are looking to get a house together soon, but I'm not sure if I should go through with this seeing that when I asked her to discuss her decisions with me (especially financially and when she decides not to go to work) she let me know "we are not married" and she does not need to discuss her life with me.

I have tried discussing my feelings with her, but it just makes her mad and she feels like I am putting her down and being un-supportive. I understand she is not happy and she is having a hard time handling things, but at the same time I am terrified. The things that life is throwing her do not seem to be devastating situations and she is handling them like they are (maybe I'm just not being understanding...) I'm scared for what will happen if she does have a devastating situation.

Is it normal that even though all this is going on I want to stay with my girlfriend?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 24 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • chatter289
    12 years ago

    Aww *big hug* you sound like a really great guy and she sounds
    Like a really nice girl too. I would suggest you really have a sit down with her and talk to her. You said you did that and she would overreact but I think you do really need to tell her that her negative ways are sinking into you and that if she continues and does not open up to you anymore things between you may change.

    Tell her to go and see a shrink, tell her you will go with her and support her. If she still goes on one, tell her that if she continues this way the relationship is not really going to go too well. I know it may sound harsh but she needs reality of YOUR relationship to kick in. Yes she has had a few things happening, but I don't think she is seeing what she is doing to your relationship and YOU. If she refuses to seek help than sh is refusing to work on you and your relationship. You have been very supportive and you will from the looks of it, but it's not fair on you.

    It may upset her, but she needs to know the truth, and honestly if it comes to her throwi a tantrum and becoming very childish and moody and crying, honestly tell her that you will give her some space till she sorts things out. Copies sometimes need a littl spae to realise what they are doing -wrong- in the relationship.

    She either talk to you and sort things out between you two or she seeks counselling OR the relationship will slowly dissolve. That is the reality, at the moment it seems like you're the one holding the relationship together, and that's not fair.

    Good luck

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  • colourmoon
    12 years ago

    you sir, are a great man.
    thank you for showing that there are still awesome guys out there.

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    • ariannel
      12 years ago

      I concur! Unfortunately, I have no advise to dispense since my experience with depressed loved ones is limited but I just wanted to go on record saying I think youre great for sticking by her through this tough time.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    You sound like a great person, many women would be lucky to call you their boyfriend/husband.

    That being said its difficult to live with someone who is constantly negative, always sees the downside of everything and is clinically depressed as your girlfriend sounds to be. Her negativity and anger will continue to negatively effect her and you. Therapy would be a positive action you can take to correct her feelings or help her deal with them better.

    If she doesnt deal with them and you stay with her you will feel yourself joining her in that outlook. Negativity is an easy thing to accept and when its in your face all the time it gets very comfortable.

    Good Luck.

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  • Energy
    12 years ago

    I'd say just give her some time. Try and be extra nice to her, and go out and do something fun together! Show her you miss the old her, and that you really care about her. Tell her that things are going to be alright, that's what she needs right now, is support.

    I agree, maybe take her to a shrink but becareful they might give her meds and some people don't want to take them.

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