Is it normal that i want to see what kind of porn my bf watches?

93% Normal
12 Comments

I am just so curious to know what he fantasizes about and stuff when he's jerkin it. I know if I go through his phone and find out it'll upset me, because I'm sure the girls are very different in appearance from me. But I want to know so bad! We were on the computer together once and when he typed into the address bar a previous link was suggested. It was like "Tanya James takes a big one". So being nosy I googled her. She is a bleach blonde, orangy tan, big fake tits pornstar. Now me, I'm asian so yeah, no comparison. I wonder if he always looks for blondes. I hate being insecure.

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93% Normal
Based on 15 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    If you're really that curious why not just offer to watch it with him sometime? I mean you could just be there while he watches porn and then perhaps you could suggest a clip. You guys might learn something about each other. Honestly though it's just pornography, it's fantasy fuel, the woman in the videos aren't real. Not like you, you're there and it sounds like you care for your boyfriend. I get the insecurity, (I've been having an interesting thought about porn induced insecurity recently). I want to say believe me I can empathize with your plight, but I don't know if I can. Another suggestion, aside from watching porn together, would be to perhaps tell him that you wouldn't mind being his fantasy? I mean like you could perhaps, and this is where I'll probably sound naive, tell him that you could try and attempt to those things in the video. It might be fun for both of you guys. Hopefully he'll be willing to do the same for you.

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    • RainbowDischarge
      10 years ago

      Thanks for your answer. I could never watch porn with him though. I already know all the things that would run through my mind. My entire focus would be that he's thinking about the pornstar in the video while I'm right there. We have a great sex life, I am so into pleasuring him but I feel like I am not what he really wants sexually. Hence the blonde, So he just deals with what he's got and enjoys himself more later when he's watching porn. Men and women think so differently.

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      • Anime7
        10 years ago

        I can see what you mean, but maybe you're giving him too little credit. I don't think he "deals" with you, I think he does like you. Porn is just fantasy fuel like I said. Here's an example, I use to have a crush on this girl who, according to my friends, was very plain looking, brown hair and flat chested. However, when I look at porn guess what category I go on? Big tits. It doesn't mean that I never wanted her sexually, I did, it's just I watched porn. I can't really explain why I watched porn videos with woman who looked nothing like her, perhaps it was because porn is just a fantasy and I figured I could have those virtual girls over the real one. But since your boyfriend has the real thing then I think he just watches it out of boredom or just cause really. I mean you don't really have to be aroused to watch porn. I can't stress that enough. I get the insecurity, to an extent, but you know you can't always be having sex. So I think for those times when you aren't around that's when your bf watches it.

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        • RainbowDischarge
          10 years ago

          Thats really interesting. That the porn you chose to watch had no relation to the girl you thought to be attractive. But how can I not feel like that is what he truly wants and I will never be able to fulfill that? I mean, he is choosing to watch big titted blondes. I don't think I will ever understand this, because when I watch porn I am not looking at the women and fantasizing over them. Not even the man in the video. I simply watch the genitals I guess. Or I will relive past moments of us having sex in my head and get off that way. I am sorry to sound like an annoying, nagging, inecure girlfriend. This is something I think about daily, it consumes most of my thoughts everyday. I know this is very unhealthy and I really am not sure why I obsess over such. But I do know better than to bring it up and cause an argument with him. I hope to god I grow out of this in credibly insecure state.

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          • Anime7
            10 years ago

            In my original post I mentioned I had this idea that could perhaps make me empathize with how you feel. I keep thinking about this alternate universe where we grew up with the idea that woman watch pornography and masturbate, because you know in this American Society woman who say they enjoy sex are usually called sluts or get looked down upon. But I keep imagining a world where it is reversed, where men are looked down upon if they have a sex drive (well more so than now) and it's considered common knowledge that every girl masturbates. Now I think that if I had a gf and caught her watching porn then yes, you bet that I would feel somewhat insecure because usually pornstars have huge dicks and honestly I can't compete with that so I'll probably feel insecure, like I'm not satisfying or like I could never be her fantasy. That's the best that I could try to feel how you feel, and in that case I don't know what to do because I love this girl but then how can I compete with pornstars? So the advice I give you is me trying my best to empathize with you because honestly I'd feel the same as you in this alternate world. However it's also advice from a guy who does watch porn and how it's usually cause I can and am bored.

            I get (or try to get) the insecurity but I don't really know what to do besides tell him that you'll do whatever in bed, you know. I think you guys should perhaps try talking about it. I mean I would feel a lot better if in this alternate universe the person I'm with told me why they watch porn and that I have nothing to worry about.

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            • RainbowDischarge
              10 years ago

              Thank you so much for trying to understand. You have helped reassure me somewhat. We have talked about it once before, but ended up in an argument. I think this is just something I have to learn to accept or I will always be bothered. It isn't fun when its all you obsess about for 2 years now. You sound like you'd make a wonderful boyfriend.

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  • ccjigsaw
    10 years ago

    You probably have to do what most women do in this situation. Just pretend it isn't happening. I don't like that sort of thing either. In my case though, I've already taken the next step and thought to much about it. My decision was that I'm better off single than having to feel bad about it. The next guy I started dating was one who doesn't look at porn. I won't date a guy who does. People tell me it's irrational, or that I'm stupid for letting it get to me. I've stopped trying to analyze myself and "get over it" though. I've just kind of accepted that I'm not cool with it. My suggestion to you is to not think to much into it. You shouldn't have looked at his history, it's going to eat you up inside. If you can let it go and let it fade into the past, I recommend that you do.

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  • ygrowup
    10 years ago

    It's normal to wonder about his habits and choices, but very often his porn choices are just a fantasy that he would never act on, even if he had the chance. Communication is the key here, watch together soft porn first, and learn his real desires and fulfill those and teach him to fulfill yours. You are already special, it seems to care this much! Good luck with your choices

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  • GreyWulfen
    10 years ago

    Watch it together^^

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  • Paradiddle
    10 years ago

    I think its normal and actually good since there are a lot of females who are so ready to chop off a guy's head at the thought of them watching porn that they won't admit to having sexual fantasies too. Just as Anime said and unknowingly to non porn watchers, its literally "just" videos, a means for a moment of sexual pleasure and thats it. I'll fap to any race, why limit the goods? Hardly any connection to real life though (aside from a fetish) and once its over, real life resumes like it never happened....until next time. If you happen to get him to open up some desires and are willing to do them, be prepared to wake up with flowers, breakfast, lunch and dinner all taken care of.

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    • RainbowDischarge
      10 years ago

      Thanks. This was a little reassuring.

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