Is it normal that i want to leave just to see if he wants me back?

29% Normal
11 Comments

Right. Me and my fiance recently just moved in together. At first, everything was really wonderful, we'd just talk all day and laugh about anything. But then he started work again... He comes home from work every night, takes his coat off, kisses me once, tells me he's shattered, asks for a coffee, and then watches tv or plays some random game on his phone for hours and hours, until it's then bedtime. I actually have to ask him about 3 - 4 times in order for him to just turn around and peck me on my lips.

Don't get me wrong, I am super happy with this guy, he's brought me out of a horribly abusive relationship, and helped me through A LOT of hard times. He makes me feel sexy, and loved, which is something I've not experienced before in any of my relationships. BUT! - only when he feels like it. Which is normally when he wants sex, or I've told him how I feel. It doesn't really last long though, he's then back to his usual self.

Another thing - we got engaged on the 11th of February and he STILL hasn't told his parents...although he goes home every Sunday he's not working for Sunday dinner.

I've spoke to him about it so many times, but I'm wondering, is it normal to want to leave just to see if he wants me back, and if he does, to see if he'll appreciate me more? ANY comments would be lovely! Thankyou!

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 24 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    Do you love him, or are you just glad he rescued you and helped you through hard times? It's a little hard to tell if you're all that into him, aside from mentioning how glad and grateful you are that he got you out of difficult situations.

    Depending on what he does for a living, he may be absolutely beat by the time he gets home. Granted, playing games for hours suggests he's not completely exhausted, but what are you doing while he's gaming or zoning out in front of the TV? Are you doing your own thing, or are you angling for his attention constantly and feeling as though you have to compete with his phone or the television to get it?

    More to the point, what are you doing all day while he's working? If you aren't doing something meaningful -- working at an office, working from home, attending school, raising a kid, keeping the house in order, something -- you probably don't have enough going on in your life to keep you mentally and emotionally stimulated. If you depend on him for all your social interaction, mental stimulation and emotional stability, that's too much for anyone to supply. You need to get something else in your own life to make you less dependent on his attention.

    It's emphatically NOT normal to contemplate leaving someone just to see if he'll want you back. For one thing, that kind of emotional game isn't the way people who say they love someone should behave. For another, you would be utterly screwed if he decided he was better off without you.

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    • needthistowork
      11 years ago

      This is really the most helpful comment I've seen on here. Thankyou.

      Well, yes I do love him. It really was love at first sight and i get all blehhh whenever i look at him if that makes sense? He's just so perfect.

      He is, granted, going to be tired after work (he's a lifeguard) but it's even like this on his days off. He says he'd like to chill on his days off because he's still tired but even if he has 3 off in a row, he's perfectly content to just sit in all day. I can't deal with it, I don't have a job at the moment but I'm going back to college this year. So what i do every day is keep the place neat, make him dinner, make sure he has everything he needs.

      Thing is, I'm so not used to this. I used to be really active, doing loads of different things, but now that we've moved in together, i don't know anything or anyone in this area and all i have is making him happy and he doesn't appreciate it...honestly i cannot wait to go back to college, then he'll have to help out a little too, instead of sitting there eating the food i made him, drinking the coffee i made him, whilst i try to clean around him. It'd be nice...

      But yeah. Thankyou for your comment :)

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      This.

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  • covert_pursuit
    11 years ago

    If he doesn't take you seriously when you tell him how you feel, then you might consider showing him that you are. I think that what you're postulating here is expressing a wish to do that; otherwise you will continue being unsatisfied.

    It is not you who need to change here (it sounds like you're trying to do what you can), but rather he. He might have helped you out, but your gratitude and love for him shouldn't be more important than your own happiness; both are important and there should be a balance between the two.

    It seems to me that you are not happy with how things are. You are trying to change it, but in a relationship changes can only come when there is collaboration. You cannot do everything on your own. He has to show you that he cares as much about you as you care about him.

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    • needthistowork
      11 years ago

      This is really helpful too! Thankyou so much.

      I'm going to have a huge talk with him when he gets home later...it really needs to be done.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    I'd suggest you get a job so you can be exhausted with him.

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    • needthistowork
      11 years ago

      I can't. Its so hard to get a job here (Britain), the unemployment rates for us (16-24y/o) are so, so, so, high. It's like, you need experience to get a job but you need a job to get experience, it's, so messed up. And the place I live is very touristy, a lot of the work here is seasonal (so May-September).

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        Then get an education, do volunteer work, do online classes and so on. If people could only get valid experience for work from having a job alone, very few people would be employed.

        Find. Something. To. Do.

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        • needthistowork
          11 years ago

          I'm going back to college in September...

          Where are you from? Unless you live in Wales, UK, you can't comment.

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            Oh, ok, so I can't know about a place for any source unless I live there. Boohoo.

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    If you want to spend more time with him, I suggest that you try to plan activities out in advance that you'd like to do together. But you also have to realize that after an 8+ hour workday people get tired and they need a little bit of their own space to relax.

    But in any case, trying to manipulate him will only escalate the situation and make things worse.

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