Is it normal that i want to kill the salisian priste who raped me

I am the product of an interracial marrage (Belgian father /Indian mother (india)) .I was given birth by a mother ,who was trying to get away from abusive parents and extrem poverty . but she made a bad/naevie choice .my father was a fucked up person him self.He beat her and kept her fearfull and poor.
walking on egg shells ,that is my child hood ,that is how i grew up.
my mother begged and pleaded with the priest( salisians of Don bosco, panjim ,Goa ,India) to enroll me in their boarding school.I allways felt guilty and asemaded for being exited and relived for leaving them ( my siblings ) behind. I bore the brunt of the abuse ,i was the first ( the oldest ).When I got to the boarding school , another form of hell ,at first I did not mind ,it was not painfull. it felt good ,waking up to some
someone sucking your penis. but it got cofusing in the morning at masss(roman cathloich )listhing to the service ,by the same prist who sucked your cock.I was 13 ,never kissed a girl,have no idea off love ,Just hate,guilt and self loathing.Now the bastard is in my sishts .he is not aware that i am here,every body thinks he is a nice,holy devout catholic.all i want to do is put a shotgun to his head and blow him away!!!!!!