Is it normal that i want to kill people without being angry?

54% Normal
11 Comments

I'm sorry in advance for this being long. I just want to explain in detail.

I get these very strong, specific urges to kill people. Not any particular person - I just badly want to bring a gun to class or something and murder as many people as possible. It gets to the point where it's all I can think about, and to some extent it feels like killing people is all I want out of life. Sometimes I think it's just a fantasy and I'd never go through with it, but other times I feel like I could snap and go on a rampage at any minute.

I'm inclined to believe this isn't normal. But the thing is, when I get these urges I am not angry. Or jealous. Or hateful. I don't even want to cause people distress - I want to make it as quick and painless as possible, and the idea of my victims being terrified does not appeal to me at all. Sometimes the people I want to kill are actually those I like a lot, or even love. I don't want to hurt anyone. Just kill them.

These thoughts really upset me, and I'm currently seeing a therapist. She seems to be reserving judgment on my mental stability for now, but she has suggested that fantasizing about murder is fairly normal. I have heard people talk about overwhelming desires to murder people who have wronged them, which doesn't seem to be out of the ordinary, and also heard people talk about wanting to kill out of cold-blooded contempt for the entire human race, which does. But me, I'm neither. Where do you think I fall on the normality spectrum? Does anyone else have similar experiences?

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54% Normal
Based on 13 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Immune2BS&way2Illuminated
    11 years ago

    Sometimes...you just wanna snap, go boom.

    Get on a video game. Go kill some zombies. Or hunt as suggested. Or get a blow-up doll and eviscerate it. Make a clay person and beat the ***t out of it. Role-play with your girlfriend(If you have one) and use ketchup, sausage links for intestines...the whole shibang. Create a cult of killers who fantasize constantly and do satanic rituals on Halloween...but never really kill anybody.

    There are lots of construtive killing materials to fantasize over the internet. Create a corporation where people who want to legally get killed(Can you do that?) come to you for it.

    The sky is the limit...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      None of that really appeals to me. I don't want to cause people pain. I just want to kill them. It doesn't make much sense when I try to explain it, I guess. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just overreacting. I have always been a "good kid". Maybe I'm just not used to having these kinds of thoughts.

      If that helps you, though, more power to you. And thanks for the advice.

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      • Immune2BS&way2Illuminated
        11 years ago

        I was basically joking with that advice...but if it had helped that would've been cool...

        : ) It's good you really don't want to cause pain.

        WHAT YOU NEED IS THAT INDEPENDENCE DAY LASER BEAM. DISINTEGRATION IS GENERALLY CONSIDERED TO BE RELATIVELY PAINLESS

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          DISINTEGRATION IS THE BEST KIND OF MURDER

          Actually, one of your suggestions is good, now that I think about it. Video games. I forgot until just now that I brought my DS with me to college. Not a big fan of zombie games, but maybe I'll go play some Kingdom Hearts or something. I'm okay right now, but the girl I like just rejected me, so I'll probably need it soon....

          Thanks for that! Also, your profile is cool. ^^

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    I won't say I've never wanted to hurt someone. However it also wasn't something that I couldn't shake off by taking a break from a tense situation.

    Sometimes it's not a bad thing to just pull back from the dramatic and embrace being levelheaded.

    maybe it's me but these days society seems to be pushing everyone to express themselves no matter what... and sometimes too much expression without any reservation isn't always the best answer.

    i mean everyone has some drama especially in school... but... is it really something that has to get a response?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      It doesn't have much to do with drama....It's something I fall back on when I feel particularly hopeless, overstimulated, or trapped. It's not because of the people around me. It's because of MYSELF. I've only just started therapy, but I suspect I will end up being diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder at some point. Sometimes I can't distinguish what's real from what's not, and I'm often depressed. Believe me, if it was possible for me to just "embrace being level-headed", I would.

      See, this is my problem. Everyone just seems to ASSUME they know why I want to kill people. Even my therapist does. They're like, "You must be angry. You must have a fascination with gore. You must have delusions of grandeur." It's true that there are some patterns in rampage killers, but not every one fits each profile. I think I'm more like Jake Evans, Kip Kinkel, and Andrew Wurst than the Columbine killers or Seung-Hui Cho. This isn't in response to anyone's behavior, and it certainly has nothing to do with society's views on self-expression.

      Thanks for the response, though. Your take on this is kind of interesting. Were the people you wanted to hurt specific people for specific reasons, or was it just anyone?

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        the person whom i was thinking of was really pissing me off. so i walked away, got a soda, and then came back calm.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          And that's the ONLY time you've ever wanted to kill someone? O.O

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          • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
            11 years ago

            only time that comes to mind

            keep in mind, wanting to hit someone is not the same as feeling an urge to cut them open etc.

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  • Imposturously_yours
    11 years ago

    Try hunting. I sort of dissociate emotionally, and at the point where I pull the trigger -I don't really think of it as human, animal or an alien from Mars. It doesn't matter - it's alive, and it's in my crosshair.

    I'm not saying that it's ok, but many people who hunt do this for concentration.

    However, it might really help you with your issues, because I've never had an urge to kill anyone, and certainly not something as atrocious as gunning down a school.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Hmm. This is going to sound weird, but I'm not sure I could hurt an animal. I love animals, and I generally feel a lot better when I'm spending time with them. I'm even an official volunteer at the Humane Society. I'm also scared that allowing myself to attack things will make the feelings worse, not better.

      I guess it's worth a try, though. I can't really do the whole hunting shebang right now, but I do have a pretty badass slingshot I've been wanting to take out lately. I think it's powerful enough to kill squirrels and such. Also, I have a friend on the rifle team who has said she'll teach me to shoot sometime.

      Thanks for the advice. =)

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