Is it normal that i want to have a relationship with my best friend?

My advice is: don't worry about it. People tend to very linearly obsess over labels: "Am I gay OR am I straight?". Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're straight. But what do either of those things ultimately matter? The fact is that you are romantically (and possibly sexually, although you don't make that terribly clear) attracted to your best friend, who also happens to be male. Generally I would say that this means you are at least bisexual, and maybe gay. However, if you are not sexually attracted to him at all and only regard him with a deep fondness bordering on romanticism, it's entirely possible that you're not gay or even bi at all and are just experiencing an intense "brotherly love" for him.

I think the most important question regards which gender you are BOTH sexually and romantically attracted to. After all, both aspects ultimately determine sexuality. You can't have a relationship without both (unless you're asexual, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms). So take some time to think about it. If you are romantically and sexually attracted to this friend, you're at least gay. If you are ALSO romantically and sexually attracted to women, you are bisexual. If you are only romantically attracted to this friend but are not sexually attracted to him at all, you are probably more or less straight, since you say you have never been attracted to another man.

Going back to my original point, though, I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm in college now but when I was in high school I experienced something remarkably similar to you. I now identify as gay, but at the time I mostly identified as horribly confused, haha. It sounds like you can maybe relate. I had a girl friend (not a girlfriend) who I was very attracted to romantically. I had been best friends with her for six years and regularly contemplated dating and even living out the rest of my life with her. At the same time, though, I was masturbating exclusively to gay porn, and was not sexually attracted to her or other women at all. Ultimately I decided that I should not pursue a relationship with her because it wouldn't be fair to pursue a relationship with someone I wasn't sexually attracted to.

If you do realize that you're sexually attracted to your friend, don't be afraid of what that might mean for you. I would encourage you (in that circumstance) to tell him that you are attracted to guys (don't mention him yet, haha). See what he thinks & says. I can guarantee, with 80% certainty (based on my own experiences) that he will be perfectly fine with it and you will continue your relationship exactly as before. Also based on my own experiences, there is about a 15% chance that he will completely surprise you by also telling you that he is attracted to guys. Honestly, you would be shocked how many times this has happened to me. I have only had one negative experience with all the people I've told, and he was a distant friend at best.

Take your time when it comes to your sexuality, and decide for yourself. I know how a secret can weigh on you, and I suspect it would be helpful for you to tell your friend. Like you I had no idea what my sexuality was in high school, and I was terrified to ask anyone about it, so I let it eat me up for years and years. When I came out to myself in college and told my high school friends, they were all completely cool with it. Some even told me they knew already, haha. I'm not pressuring you to "be gay", that's something that is completely and totally your decision. If you do decide/realize that you might be gay or bi, though, don't impose a prison of secrecy on yourself. In this day and age, it is almost certain that your friends (especially your close friends) will accept you completely for you, including your sexuality.

I hope this helped, man. I understand how confusing all of this is. I went through it just a few years ago, after all, haha. If you want someone to help you process or have more questions, I am more than happy to help.

Good luck and God bless!

Suck his cock. If you both like it, you're gay. If you can blow him without getting a hard on, you aren't gay.

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