Is it normal that i want to go to rehab

71% Normal
4 Comments

I am 22 years old and live in a small city named Clemson in South Carolina.

I totaled my car two weeks ago.

Essentially, my parents just kicked me out of their house for not washing my mothers car in the cold. they know I struggle with depression and it seems like they are worn out on me not being able to get my life together.

Maybe something is wrong with my brain, but when I wake up I dont think about brushing my teeth or eating, instead I immediately start to think of things in my life that have consequences for me not getting them done and just lay in bed overwhelemed. I get paid 8.35 an hour at Bojangles and feel like a cog in the machine of modern day slavery when I am done with work every day.

I am failing out of college for the second time because I cannot motivate myself to do the work in the one and only online class that I am taking.

I got spinal fusion from my tailbone to my neck due to scoliosis while I was in high school. So now I cant bend my back at all and even though the surgery was supposed to help get rid of the pain I still live a very uncomfortable life as far as back pain goes.

For almost five years now I have had many days where I dont see reason for living.

The only reason I have not killed myself at this point is because I was raised inside the walls of churches and am scared I will get sent to hell. Although my childhood best friend killed himself this year and I still dont know what to think of that.

this morning it took me more than two hours to motivate myself to make some food for myself.

I pictured myself jumping off of the railroad bridge today at just the right angle so that my skull would explode and/or neck might snap upon contact.

I know it is not normal, but what I do know is normal is that I just want help. I dont want to call suicide hotline and talk to some shitty volunteer. I want to go to rehab and just get my life started all over.

It felt good to start crying once I typed that last paragraph. I just wish I could be like everybody else and go throught the motions of life.d

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 24 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Roustabout
    7 years ago

    It is so freaky that you live in the same town as me and I just ate at your restaurant 30 mins ago. Who knows, you might have waited on me. Anyway, yeah life sucks, especially around here. But things will get better so don't kill yourself. PM me I will take you out for a drink. Cheers!

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  • pantychaffe
    7 years ago

    You're gonna be alright. Life is a mountain, what is the journey but pebbles, sliding down and clawing up. Definitely call the line....they got the resources to get you into rehab. You are here for a reason, like any star or nebula. If worse comes to worse watch star trek voyager. It will help to transcend things

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  • Nighthawk4
    7 years ago

    Try to stay positive and get through it cause in the long run something better will come out of it.

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  • SarahB
    7 years ago

    I know its hard but try and not be down try to make your self feel positive and think right im not going to think about all this bad shit today ignore
    it , making your self busy, because when your sat around doing nothing makes it worse so even though you dont want to do anything make your self busy , go out with friends go for a walk or run go to a pub or bar ect

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