Is it normal that i want to drop the charges on my rapist?

So basically, in early November I was raped by the guy I was talking to at the time, he was 21 and I was 17 and at the time of this incident we had been involved for about 9 months. Yes we we're sexually involved but that night I really didn't want to have sex with him. He still proceeded in pulling down my pants to my mid thigh, shoving my legs to my chest and then forcing his self inside of me causing a serious injury. After he was done I was bleeding really badly, blood on his clothes, my clothes and his bed spread. I didn't say anything about it because I just wanted to act like it didn't happen and forget about. I saw him after that incident and even spoke to him a couple times but never again in a sexual/relationship way but the other day (Thursday) I found out that one of my friends from school was dating and having sex with him, she asked me did I use to mess with him I told her yea. She also asked how long ago was it and why did we stop talking I told her because he forced his self on me and she was just like wow that's messed up and she broke up with him right then and there over the phone. She told him one of the reasons why they were breaking up is because of what he did to me, he decided to come up to my school harassing, threatening and embarrassing me by saying out loud that I was lying about the whole thing. He also said that he was going to call the police and make a report that I was falsely accusing him of rape, so I ended up telling my side of the story and the officials I talked to had to report it. The next day (Friday) I was at school and I overheard the girl (my "friend") saying that he was coming back to the school but she told him not to because he was just gonna get escorted off campus again. I became scared and started fearing for my safety so i called my uncle to come talk to me at lunch which was right after that class but in order for me to go talk to my uncle I had to tell my principal where I was going and why I told him that it was being said that the guy was coming back and he said there was nothing for me to worry about. I was sitting in my uncle's car in front of the school explaining and talking about everything that had happened and what was going on and the police pulled behind us now that I think back I'm guessing they were there just in case he came back. After another class I left school because I only have 5 periods not 6 and everything was OK nothing happened until later that afternoon. A police officer came to my door and I had to talk to him tell him everything that happened and sign a paper releasing my medical records and the officer asked me if I would speak in court at first I said yes but then I said no idk. Later on that night I started receiving a series of calls from unknown and blocked numbers. Saturday I was scared to come outside the house and I also was scared on Sunday because my dad told me he spotted one of the guys cousins downstairs sitting by my apartment building. Then there was yesterday (Monday), I went up to my school to drop myself because I no longer feel safe up there and my cousin was telling me maybe I should drop the charges blah blah blah they aren't going to hurt you as long as he's free and isn't going to jail and I told her whats done is done I didn't believe there was anything I could do at that point and that was the end of the conversation. Last night the girl who told him I said he raped me in the first place contacted me begging for me to drop the charges and I will never have to be worried about him or his family or anything like that and also she threw in there that I wasn't going to say anything at first too and was asking me do I really want to ruin his life for something I had already let go when it happened and I found out he was arrested on Friday and he was charged with rape victim incapable of consent because at the time I was under-aged. But I thought about it and now I just want to know the easiest way to get out of this situation because I don't want to have to live my life looking over my shoulders scared of what might happen next and idk i'm just really scared and they're telling me if I help get him free I don't have to be scared they'll make sure I never have to see him or anybody he has connections with again. I thought about it even called the police department to ask them would I be-able to drop the charges and basically they said no the only way I would be-able to get him out is if I were to say that it never happened, which is a lie and then I would get in trouble and have to spend time in jail for the crime he did indeed commit. S now I honestly do feel bad that he is in jail and the charges that he is facing are extremely serious but at the same time I'm still really scared about what might happen to me, I'm even being told to relocate. But based on the story I just told, am I wrong for having mixed emotions about the situation? Is it normal that I just want to end is ASAP and get back to my regular life?