Is it normal that i want my father to die

Over the years I have watched my father abuse my older brother for absolutely no reason(my brother and I have different dads!!!!) Once my brother moved out the violence was done to me. Not as bad but it did happen. He would hit me, make harsh threats,call me very horrible names,blame me for our relationship being the way it is,throw things at me. I could never understand why it was this way. I dreamed about killing him. I would scream "I wish you would die you stupid bitch" I would start throwing things around in my room,try to pull all my hair out, sometimes I would choke myself hoping I could just end all this torture.what really made me have so much hate towards him when he tried to hit my mother but she ducked. I heard it from upstairs. I grabbed my softball bat, called my boyfriend and cried. I walked up and down the room until I lost it and flew out my room. I was ready to crack his skull his skull in. My mother told me to go back in the room but I ignored her. She begged so I did it. Like a idiot she called him on the phone and apologized for pushing him over the edge. I walked out of the house steaming with rage because I couldn't figure out why she wasn't packing her clothes to leave. I would have random moments at school were I would just burst into tears behind anger.I don't have a voice in this house and I need to leave.sometimes I would go downstairs pick up the butcher knife and head for the stairs but my mind would tell me don't do it. I dont care about going to prison for murder anymore. Everyday I wish he would just die already and it never happens. Is this normal that I want him to die?