Is it normal that i want guys i date to be attracted to all of me?

76% Normal
21 Comments

Now I know this sounds odd, so let me explain. I like almost all races and if there is a race I don't particularily find attractive, I believe it's just because I haven't found that guy(s)that does IT for me.

I know a few guys who are attracted to me and would like to puruse a relationship, but I can't get over the fact that they aren't attracted to me, and I mean all of me.

I'm a black girl, with mixed ancestory, so I guess you could say I'm not the sterotypical black woman (features, skin-tone), I am in no way fat, but I do have a more curvaceous-than-average figure. Most of these guys like my personality, and are sexually attracted to me, but it often has an "In spite of" undertone. Example 1: Guy 1 likes my figure, likes my face (feature-wise) but isn't attracted to brown-skin or curly hair. Guy 2 likes my face (feature-wise), likes tanned or brown-skinned girls, but doesn't particularily like big-behinds and prefers skinny girls with slim legs. Is it normal for me to want someone who likes everything about me and not someone who looks past the things they don't like.

I'd really like to hear everyones feedback. Does anyone else have a similar issue?

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 71 votes (54 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • dom180
    11 years ago | pl

    I think those guys would, if you give them enough time, warm to those features they don't find attractive when they first meet you. It isn't that they find you attractive "in spite of" certain features, they just find some aspects of you more attractive than others, and that's always going to be the case for any guy you meet.

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    • fallstar
      11 years ago

      This is very true, well said

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    • iEatZombies_
      11 years ago

      Perfection.

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  • sograceful
    11 years ago

    It's normal, but it's going to be hard to find someone who thinks every part of you is ideal. You just have to decide whether that wait is worth it to you or not.

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    • fallstar
      11 years ago

      I think this made me realise that, whilst a guy might not find all parts of me ideal, there are some that are more important than others. The parts that make up my identity are most important.

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      • sograceful
        11 years ago

        Exactly:) If finding a guy that finds every part of you perfect from the get-go is your priority, there's nothing wrong with that! You just won't find that person right off the bat. But I think you are on the right path now that you realize that how people perceive who you are is more important than how you look. And I often find that if someone has a lively and respectable personality, their looks begin to become more and more attractive to me.

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  • shuggy-chan
    11 years ago

    Why can't u just date the guy that is attracted to who u are, not what u are, or what u look like. As long as that is present all the girl needs is a cute face and a decent body. Intangibles > appearance

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    • fallstar
      11 years ago

      I think it's because my appearance is my identity and it makes me uncomfortable to be 'an exception'. Plus, I'm not sure how anyone could be attracted to who someone is and not be attracted to what they look like. I mean in a perfect world...

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      • shuggy-chan
        11 years ago

        I have my triggers for physical attraction, but I,d happily date a girl with no boobs or butt as long as it worked with our personalities, etc

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  • DubstepismyMJ
    11 years ago

    Yaknow, when i first dated one of my ex, i like most things about her, i look past some features because, well because noones perfect, and i think it would be silly to not even give it a chance just cause it was not what i prefer. Keep in mind that Just cause it wasnt my usually preference does not mean I dislike it. The funny thing is, she wasnt what i usually would date but i gradually learned to love her difference, or imperfection, her "kind" of type, when before i dated her, i did not. I guess you can say my preference grew. But tbh i think your worrying too much :)

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    • fallstar
      11 years ago

      I think it makes sense that just because you don't prefer something doesn't mean you dislike, however I would hate for someone to consider the race-related parts of me (hair, skin) as imperfections. Thanks for commenting

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      • DubstepismyMJ
        11 years ago

        AAHH :O lol that sounds terrible, i guess i had a poor choice of words, but that was not what i ment when i said imperfection, i ment it in general. english is not my first language :X

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    Sounds like you're meeting a lot of superficial guys. Where are you meeting these dudes?

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  • curiouskate101
    11 years ago

    it depends. what im wondering is how do you know that they dont like thoese things about you? if he straight up said your hot but you have a big ass and i hate it then that would be like.. ? obviously that would show what kind of guy he is and thats not someone you wanna be with but if it kinda came up in a modest way theres nothing wrong with that but the guy you choose shouldn't dislike or have to overlook any part of you. he should just prefer other features of you more than the other but never dislike he should love all of you maybe not now but in the future when it gets more serious.

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  • TheSecret
    11 years ago

    I think about this sometimes too. But I believe that (like some other people on here have stated) they may like some things about you more or less than others, but once they start to like you a lot, its not that they're looking past those things, its more that they've begun to like those things.

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  • NothingxCrazy
    11 years ago

    If they like you for your personality, none of that should matter.

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    • fallstar
      11 years ago

      "I like you for personality, but your afro hair is not what I find attractive". Doesn't sound appealing to me. I think I'm just different, I think I'm happy with what I have, and I need someone who is happy with that too. Not someone who's sees past, tolerates or pretends it doesn't matter. Surely if its my identity, it forms part of my personality, even if just a little bit.

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  • Devyn
    11 years ago

    I can't say that I speak for anyone else. But when I'm attracted to someone I'm normally first attracted to just one aspect of them, often the hair or face. Then when I spend more time with them I slowly become attracted to other aspects such as figure, personality and voice, assuming that none of these are actually turn-offs for me.

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    Do you like every single part of them? Do you find every single feature of their body attractive? Their little toe? Their eyebrows? Their ears?

    It's impossible to find someone that is attracted to every inch of you. Not being attracted doesn't inherently mean being unattracted, it can just mean indifference.

    Also having a preference doesn't mean being opposed to anything other than that. Preferences are often shaped by our experiences and these can change. A guy who says he prefers light skin may well find after having a great experience with a girl with brown skin he associates brown skin with a new positivity; that preference changes.

    Anyway I'd just be happy when someone you like likes you just as much, if not more, than you like them :)

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  • Coolieo
    11 years ago

    I think that just because someone is not attracted to you from a particular race, it doesn't mean that you are obligated to make that race like you. There are plenty of women that only focus on one person only.

    """I like almost all races and if there is a race I don't particularly find attractive, I believe it's just because I haven't found that guy(s)that does IT for me."
    What do you mean by that? It seems that you need to find someone you are attracted with their personality, and then their appearance. Find someone that will love you no matter if your fat, but don't find someone who will love you just because you're lean and curvy, but wouldn't love you when you were fat. Find someone who is attracted to you for your personality, and they're probably attracted to your appearance after getting to know you.

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    • fallstar
      11 years ago

      Thanks for commenting, if I particular person from a race has an interest in me, I don't assume that their whole race needs to find me attractive, nor would I try to make their WHOLE race find me attractive, that would just be silly. My racial preference wasn't part of the question I was only trying to emphasise the fact that while I don't have a racial preference, some people do. In response to your second point, I fully agree that it is important that you find someone you will love you even if you become fat, but I don't agree with attraction coming second to love, I'm not sure if your are male or female, but I doubt most guys could only focus on the inside, and disregard the outside, however you might be one of the few. Speaking from my own experience, you can really care for someone who's personality you like, but its not love, and the attraction doesn't grow over time. (IMO)

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