Is it normal that i want a baby more than i want to get married?

66% Normal
10 Comments

I've been with my fiancé close to 4 & 1/2 years. I've wanted a baby for 3 years now, but have barely spoke up about it this past year. I'm 22 years old & he is 21. I have never felt my age, I feel like an older lady who's biological clock is ticking. (Yes i know it's not reality, just how I feel inside) I don't like partying, I don't like drinking. I fake that I'm into it & have surrounded myself with positive girl friends who are all in college with no kids, but they all happen to be single & I'm the only one getting married. I surround myself with these kind of friends because they're the only positive influence I have in my life. & My only influence to not have kids. My fiance's family asks me on a daily basis when I'm going to have kids. My fiance's family is FULL of pregnant women. They range from 15 to late 20's & on their 3rd baby daddy. Yes I think it's horrible, but I feel like I'm someone more deserving of having a child. I have it more together, we both have good jobs, have been together a long time, getting married in a year, I'm still finishing school... I just want a baby so badly. I feel I can't wait another year to start a family. I'm surrounded by babies on both sides of the family. Help?!? I have tried to talk myself out of it, but can't. I'm waiting cause I want to set a good example. Get married first with a church wedding & then start a family. All my life I've done things the right way though, and it's not like there's a prize for it. /:

Voting Results
66% Normal
Based on 32 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Isabella80s
    10 years ago

    Of course it is. And getting married first isn't the only way to set a good example. Being a responsible, considerate person with strong, decent morals is how you set a good example and you can still be that to kids, married or not. You're younger than me and I get baby fever a lot, BUT... I want to strike a good balance and ensure that I'm as ready as I can be and work on my own self-esteem first. That way, I know I will do better by a child. It's a HUGE commitment. In a way, I sort of think it's a bigger commitment than marriage. To me, there's not necessarily a 'right' order to do things in. Different people, different ways. It's more about who you are, not what society, families, or whatever expect of you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thanks a lot. That makes sense. I really want to do it my own way, but then think of things that hold me back. ONE is the fact that I have 2 siblings. One has his first baby due in 2 months. The other is coming up on debut age where my parents need to start planning in about 2 years. I know my parents have a lot on their plate & each want to give us the most they can. (Even though they don't have too) & I don't want to add to that. SECOND thing is my job. I've been with the company 3 years, I got promoted again 3 months ago, but it also meant leaving the location I was at to get it. My co-workers here don't know who I am, & I'm not one to get chummy with my co-workers because I know there's always gossip. I just know because of this, I'll be the big talk if I get pregnant before marriage. They seem to be way more judgemental & a bit stuck up at this location.

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      • Isabella80s
        10 years ago

        That's ok. You sound a bit exasperated! Breathe... take a deep breath. You've clearly looked at your situation practically and come to the conclusion this isn't the best time. I think you'll know when it's right in you heart of hearts and it's your life, so if that's before you're married, hey ho. Your kid could be a cute little pageboy or bridesmaid?! I think people are brainwashed and kind of scared into certain sets of rigid beliefs and get far too judgemental over people doing things in other ways. It's a shame that your work colleagues might gossip if you get pregnant before marriage. To me, that just makes them quite small minded. I appreciate you're maybe living in a conservative area... must be tricky. But if you know what you're doing is responsible and you know you can do right by a child, then stand by your decisions and have faith in yourself. The child would be the most important thing afterall. Confidence and conviction in your actions! Follow your heart but let your head have an influence.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Thanks. I have been very stressed about it lately. It just makes it difficult cause we have our wedding date set up for exactly a year away this month. (We've already been engaged 5 months) I know my fiance is real excited for the wedding, more so than I am. I want to stick it out & make him happy to have this special day & all the attention on us. I know he wouldn't be upset if i got pregnant, but i know right now he's really looking forward to the wedding & already picked out all his groomsman tuxes. It's just me that can't focus on it. :( With all the babies i'm surrounded by, but i'm trying. & Yes my co-workers are SO conservative at this new location. They already tell me I'm "too young to even be engaged." Ugh.

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          • Isabella80s
            10 years ago

            I see where you're coming from. It must be hard. At this point, if you conceived before your wedding, chances are your dress would need space for a bump?! Depends whether you mind that or not. You could always start trying for a baby right after you get married? A year isn't that far away. So there's a possibility you could have a baby within a two year time frame. Which I think would make you 24. So that's still youngish and you'd have plenty of time to have more than one on your twenties if you wished. I'm 25 and wish I could start 'trying' in a year but not likely! : (

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    10 years ago

    The human race would not have survived if every woman's biological clock went off at a career appropriate time for the modern day (which, for many women, is the late 20's to 30's) rather than at the peak of our fertility (which, for most of us, starts in our twenties).

    So yes, it is normal to want a baby at your age. To want it before going through the hassles necessary to get married is even more normal.

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  • Isabella80s
    10 years ago

    P.s. Also, it's normal for women to start wanting babies from about aged 18-19 or so. It's natural. Many have to suppress the desire for a while. You're definitely not alone! : )

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  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    First things first, I think that you should finish college before you have a baby. How much more time do you have left to graduate? I'm not tying to shoot down your dreams with my statement, but a baby and the recovery process afterwards could make it too difficult to focus on college. You could finish things then have a double edge when your offspring is born!

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  • Erik963
    10 years ago

    Like this world wasn't already overpopulated enough. Everybody wants a baby but nobody has a fucking responsibility.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    Words collide to make a code that cannot be broken.

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