Is it normal that i've never felt intimate towards anyone?

Some of this isn't easy to write. My mother died from cancer when I was three. I never really had much intimacy in my family. I used to use regressive behavior towards my dad to get him to show me affection. I kept at this until I turned 13, with little comfort in life. I never had the feeling that he cared or wanted me to do well in school or life. He has had several gf's and I have gotten to know them a little-- but eventually I just shrugged it off because I knew that my dad decided never to remarry. I used to think that my big sister and I got along back when I was in middle school. But now that we are both grown up, I realize how little I REALLY know my sister. She has had a lot of life experience compared with me. Right now we talk sometimes, but I lack the social skills and sometimes have fears that she really doesn't care about me, but only talks to me because we are currently in dad's house. I feel like I can't reverse relationships that have barely even existed in the first place. I have spent life mostly closed off from other people, and have had friendships come and go, with little care on if they would succeed. After many friends moved away, I would fail to follow up with them. During high-school, I would often sit with a group of people who had nothing in common with me, if only just to have a place to sit, and not be alone. I would barely eat anything but just a drink and a small sandwich. Dad never commented on how thin I was, or maybe he just didn't care; neither did I even notice how thin I was. I would barely even talk, but just sit there in a hazy mind-fog, and listen. That's what I've been conditioned to do since my Dad talks and talks and talks and never asks questions or bothers to listen. The most memorable experience in HS was Chorus, and traveling to NYC with the Choir. And having one gf beginning in Junior year ending in Senior year. My gf was nice and we kissed but we haven't been intimate enough where I felt like I was in love. Then came college, and I would barely talk to my roomate but only to be nice. I lacked friends. I lacked hobbies or interests. I had another gf since then, only for a week since she moved. Well, anyway, I have a few friends now which I get along with great, and really do care for. But the only thing is, I feel like I've never truly been loved by another person since mom's death. I ache for love, but I can't find it in my family. And my lack of social skills compounds my problem. I talk to people everyday, but only to be polite and have some face time. But the truth is when I do, the majority of the time I do not place value in talking to people. I think this has to do with my lack of common ground with most people. I mainly want to know if anyone shares this lack of socialization that I have, and if they have been able to find fulfillment in relationships with other people, and has this been difficult or easy to achieve?
THANK YOU FOR READING!