Is it normal that i told my boyfriend it's me or the drugs??

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30 Comments

My ex-boyfriend and I are thinking about getting back together after a long time. We still love each other, but I've changed- I don't want to do drugs anymore. They've just lost their shine. I don't care if he still smoke pot/ drinks (hell, I'm not giving up those things) but I'm just tired of dealing with fucked up people/ situations and I don't want to get involved with anyone who's into the other stuff. I'm almost twenty and I feel like I'm too old. Plus he shoots up, which I can't deal with. So I told him I wouldn't get back with him unless he quits everything. Normal?

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87% Normal
Based on 118 votes (103 yes)
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Comments ( 30 )
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Sounds like you've matured and ready to move forwards with your life. Unfortunately, you can't drag him with you kicking and screaming - so I hope he chooses you over the drugs.

    Stick to your ultimatum and good luck!!

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    • Dom67
      12 years ago

      It's not a matter of choice though. I agree with most of what you said Joybird, except the part where you said you hope he chooses her over the drugs.
      Addiction is a DISEASE. Believe me I know. I work in the field of withdrawal management. My coworkers are Addictionologist doctors and Alcohol and Drug Counselors, all with their Master's Degrees in either Clinical Psych or Social Work. It's been proven that the brain of an addict/alcoholic is wired differently. It is a DISEASE. You wouldn't choose to have cancer or diabetes now, would you? It's not that he's CHOOSING the drugs over her, it's that he has no choice. Especially being an IV (intravenous)drug user the choice has definitely been taken away from him. He needs help. It's difficult to stop on your own. The disease of addiction is stronger then love for ones children or spouse, stronger then any car or great job, anything. Addiction/alcoholism wins over every time. Hello to the person who initialized this post, I wouldn't get back together with him until he gets clean first. He needs professional help. Suggest to him to call his nearest detox center. If you get back together with him while he's still using, it will only be heartbreak. Believe me, I've been there, done that. First of all, you will be ripping yourself off because you won't be with the same guy, you will hope to have him back as the guy he once was, but he's too sick. The drugs will ALWAYS come before you. If you get back together with him, I guarantee it you will be back using again, and this time you will probably start shooting up too. Also, if you want to stay clean, you will only be enabling his addiction by getting back together with him. He will have no reason to stop using as you will have accepted the whole package: the sick him, AND his disease of addiction. Make the right choice. I know in your heart you know what to do.
      Good Luck!

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      • joybird
        12 years ago

        Aw :o( That's so sad :o(

        I hope he gets help and she is strong enough to stay away until then.

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  • TareBear20
    12 years ago

    Let him go. He dug his grave the moment he stuck that needle in his arm. He will have a battle with that addiction everyday for the rest of his life.. You're only 20 years old (my age) You and I are far too young to tolerate that. Their are plenty other fish in the sea.

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  • GeekiTheBrave
    12 years ago

    if he doesnt choose you then you shouldnt be with him

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    • Kittkats
      12 years ago

      I agree. Well if he chooses the drugs over you then he`s not worth it. Life`s to short and you only live once. I hope he chooses you over the drugs.

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  • taciturn
    12 years ago

    Makes sense to me. I've done plenty of drugs and I've been in that kind of atmosphere before. I was never freebasing in alleyways or anything, but it was certainly hedonistic and unhealthy, so I've been off everything but alcohol and cigarettes for a year and a half. I know I know, booze and cigs are awful in their own way, but they're both much more manageable for me than anything else. But anyway, it certainly looks different when you've been there and you're looking from the outside in.

    If you feel like you're in a different, healthier place now, then it's understandable for you to want him to be in the same place. For both of your sakes.

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    • rlp25
      12 years ago

      thanks... this is exactly what i needed to hear. funny how the best answer echoes my own instinct. i can tell you've been there... now off to drink a beer and forget about trying to score.

      love my man but he makes it hard on me too

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  • MissClaire
    12 years ago

    You should only be in a relationship that you feel comfortable and secure in. I understand that your probably hesitant because addiction is a huge issue that only he can decide to control; this probably scares you because realistically, no matter how much he talks about quitting for you etc, you have little influence on this habit.
    I think that you should stick to your altimatum and keep your options open. You've probably heard this a million times, but there are pleanty of men/women out there that meet your "requirements" in a partner. Its hard to let go of the familiar, but you need to do what you know is best for yourself. Stay fearless and try not to let your emotions control your decisions.

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  • Dozis
    12 years ago

    what a fucking choice. Drugs are addictive! Is something not very clear to you? you are drawn to them the same way a bee is to honey! First of all: that way you prove you never really loved the guy. If you did love him you'd want him off drugs and with you. You'd realize he can't get off drugs without help and do something to help him. Instead you used the formula: kick or stay away from me.
    Solve all of your troubles first, then..
    How is that supposed to be of any help to your relationship? A drug addict life revolves around drugs. Even if he gets help on his own so you do not dump him he would still be struggling with his addiction and with you. So instead of taking one big trouble out of the equation, you'd just add some more there for both.
    Isn't love also about being there for your guy to help him and share the bad times as well as the good ones? or it is just about taking the best that's there then just walk out on the guy whenever he starts being a burden? and needing more than he can give?
    That's the end of it in case you were wondering.

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    • Bannef
      12 years ago

      Sure, but this is something she's had to deal with too. I get being there for your guy, but at some point you need to be there for yourself too, and if she thinks she needs to live her life without these things in it she ABSOLUTELY has a right to make that statement.

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    • rlp25
      12 years ago

      Way to emphasize my problem, thanks. Yeah, I really needed you to explain to me that drugs feel super good and its hard to resist them. That clears up the past year of my life! You're awesome!

      Of course I don't want to tell him that. But it's hard to be around people using when you're trying to stop. I'm just asking him to try is all.

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    • angeleyes1981
      11 years ago

      well im with a pothead and he refuses to get help and when he doesn have weed he treats me like shit on the ground and when i dont give him money for it its even worse! i don't know what to do cause he refuses to get help cause he thinks he doesn't have a problem

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    You should be worried about making sure his laundry is done and ironed, his house is clean, and his meals are cooked instead of worrying about the drugs he is using.

    Go make him a sandwich.

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    • Bannef
      12 years ago

      You know why women live longer than men, right? Because the kitchen is where the knives are...

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        Woman live longer because they suck the life force out of men for their own sustenance.

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    • Kittkats
      12 years ago

      I agree with taciturn some day that will happen sigh i feel bad for people like you.

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    • taciturn
      12 years ago

      *pat pat*

      Don't worry, some day you'll stop hating yourself.

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        Never underestimate the power of self hatred.

        Are you a woman? If so, get back in the kitchen and finish up dinner.

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        • rlp25
          12 years ago

          trollll

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        • taciturn
          12 years ago

          Haha, that's literally meaningless. Anyway, I'm a man, so unfortunately your hilariously clever and original joke doesn't quite apply. So tell me, is life sad when it's the size of a matchbox? Or does the self-hatred numb the 15 year-old angst?

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          • [Old Memory]
            12 years ago

            Sad when its the size of a matchbox? Wow, what could I possibly reply to that unbelievably insightful and scathing rebuke?

            You are floating around with me on this blue marble so really all our lives are the size of a matchbox, but you just keep telling yourself that its different for you and you are "better" then someone like me.

            One day you might even start to believe it, it wouldnt be true mind you but mayby you could fool yourself into thinking it is.

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  • rlp25
    11 years ago

    quick update:

    he quit and neither of us has used in two months now. some days its difficult but it gets easier every week. thanks for the input.

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  • omaromar
    12 years ago

    its drugs :O)

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  • Dozis
    12 years ago

    raising hands: I surrender! You win!
    now if you don't mind I am going to get me some vicodin. I ended up becoming addicted to it after going thru surgery, and my gf dumped me because she thought vicodin made me act weird! (swallowing pill) Ungrateful little crack bitches!

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  • rlp25
    12 years ago

    Please no comments that sound like "drugs are bad, mkay" or telling me to loosen up. Intelligent responses from people with experience please

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    • Winter.Finale
      12 years ago

      I think you are doing the right thing by establishing that ultimatum. Very smart choice to quit doing drugs and keeping your distance from them. You should try to help your ex quit to but if he still chooses the drugs then I'm sorry but I think that's a no.

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      12 years ago

      I have to disagree about equating saying "drugs are bad" with not being intelligent.

      After all, if everything was good then you wouldn't have to deal with those "fucked up people / situations" kind of drama that you said is going along with the other ones.

      anyway yes, you can say that. i mean what's he going to do, force you to take him back against your will?

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  • Ramit10
    12 years ago

    Pot is ok but once you get into the harder stuff thats when your life goes down hill. You are completely normal telling him that. Who wants to deal with a druggie anyway

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  • ygrowup
    12 years ago

    Mature choice! Good luck with your choices

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