Is it normal that i think i'm stuck as single forever?

76% Normal
8 Comments

I'm 19, a guy, in college, and I consider myself somewhat attractive. I dress nicely, frequently am complimented by girls on my mid length curly hair, and have a face that girls commonly call 'cute'. My only flaw in appearance is my slender body. I get very insecure over my body because I'm naturally skinny and have a lot of trouble, despite my best efforts, to gain any type of muscle mass. I am 5'9 and weigh around 120 pounds although I eat, work out, and am overall fairly healthy. So physically, because I lack muscles, I usually just get called cute rather than 'hot', 'sexy', or any of it's variants. My muscles are toned very well, but they lack mass and I still weigh very little.

But the physical side is the lesser of the problems. The true problem lies in my shyness. I do just fine when somebody initiates a conversation with me, but I find it EXTREMELY hard to approach somebody else. I don't even know how to approach girls and not come off as creepy. They always look so busy or are with their friends.

Getting over my shyness seems next to impossible for me. People say that all it takes is practice, but no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to approach a girl. The next step most people recommend is professional help. I have tried visiting a therapist and I was not taken serious and all the therapist did was told me that I needed practice (despite me telling them that I cannot bring myself to do that). So my next move was visiting a doctor to try medicine, but in the end, the doctor treated me like I was a druggie attempting to get happy pills. I would try doing these things again, but now I lack the proper funding to visit a therapist or doctor.

Professional help failed and I cannot ever bring myself to make a move on a girl. Does this mean that I am just going to have to cope with living alone?

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 29 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Thereisnogod
    12 years ago

    Join the club I'm 24 and I'm about 135lbs. I could eat a whole cake and lose a pound I dont understand it. Girls enjoy compliments about pretty much anything so just say something they want to hear and go from there.

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  • videl
    11 years ago

    listen it's perfictly normal. but if u want 2 get a girl i can so help u since i'm a girl. here's what u do:1 a girl likes 2 know they can trust. try 2 become a girls best friend.2. tell her u want 2 be more then friends [once u feel ready ofcourse]. good luck. let me know how it goes.

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  • Hurley19
    12 years ago

    Dude, I'm a tell you now, you're not weird, creepy, below average, any of that, your situation is SUPER NORMAL, so don't sweat it.

    I feel you that I'm kind of clueless on how to flirt with girls, just small talk really.

    But the thing is that's all it is, just talking.

    Shyness, yea its tough to be the first to break the ice, but it is true that most people, even girls, won't bite your head off. You're just trying to be friendly, that's all.

    And in the rare case they do bite you, than you already know that you DON'T even wanna be anywhere near that girl, unless you both like going to Ozzy Osbourne concerts.

    My point is dude, take baby steps. You're in college, so there are limitless amounts of girls you can, so to speak, "practice" socially with, and gradually, like anything you do repeatedly, you'll get better at.

    And trust me dude, there's no girl on the face of the earth who if they think you're cute, won't be offended in any way that you'll talk to em. I bet a million dollars there's thousands of girls just waiting for a cute guy like you to be the first to say something. Trust me on this one homie, you got this, now go get it!

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  • bluefixation
    12 years ago

    Aw, this makes me sad. Don't hate on your body, not everyone likes what is assumed beautiful.

    I for instance ADORE slim/slender/thin men. I can't stand huge muscles, I think it's gross.

    As for courage, it can be difficult and scary, no one likes rejection. Maybe try internet dating? It's less frightening and doesnt put you on the spot.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Unless you are a pensioner you shouldn't be worried about being single - you will dozens of gfs before you want to settle down.

    There is someone for everyone and supposedly only 16 different personality types.

    God forgive me for saying this - but could you practise talking to 'ugly' or plain girls, not the ones you actually fancy? Just until you get the small talk up to par.

    Don't worry - women don't bite!!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I have the rarest personality type though! No joke, I'm an INTJ.

      This seems like solid advice since less attractive girls intimidate me less, but I would disagree that girls don't bite. They can be quite cruel if they don't think you are attractive.

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      • tigerkid92
        12 years ago

        It's true that some girls can be mean when guys approach them. I should know... I am sometimes one of them. But we usually have good reasons for acting this way that men don't tend to think about. Maybe I can help you out? I'm 19, a college student, and an INTP/J as well. We're probably on the same wavelength here.

        Anyway, being a relatively attractive female, I'm used to guys approaching me when I go out in public. Whether or not a guy is received well depends on a lot of different factors, but here are a few things to think about:

        -Her personal safety/comfort. Is she walking somewhere alone? Are you in a secluded or more deserted area? Is she rushing to complete some task? Does she look stressed? In these more vulnerable situations, of course you'll be rejected. At the same time, if another guy is harassing her in a dodgy place, or she's rushing and trips, or drops something, this is the perfect opportunity to step in.
        -Why did you approach her specifically? It's good to be honest. If your reason really is just that you find her physically attractive, it actually works better to come out and say so than to dance around it with awkward small talk. I would say something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, but you are seriously so gorgeous that I had to say something," except tailored to her more specifically. However, I would try to find something less superficial to go in with that you have in common, thereby giving you a good reason to talk to her. Is she reading a book you liked or were thinking of reading? Did a teacher just give out a difficult midterm? Saying, "I hope I studied hard enough for that test. How do you think you did?" to the girl next to you naturally leads to non-threatening conversation. After that, I'd think it would be easy to slip in a, "By the way, what's your name?" and so on.
        -Appreciate that you are probably interrupting her, you are monopolizing her time without her consent, and she is not obligated to stand around listening to a stranger talk at her. Seriously. Can you imagine how annoying it would be have strange guys always coming up to you with the assumption that they have the right to hijack your time and attention? It doesn't hurt to be sensitive to this, and throw in a, "I'm sorry for disturbing you, I was just wondering..." or "I know how annoying it is to be interrupted when you're doing X-Activity, but..."
        -Of course, there will always be rude people, but hopefully seeing this from a girl's perspective helps you out a bit.

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  • rin
    12 years ago

    I find it easier to talk to certain types of people. Try to find someone who doesn't look so intimidating. you could also look for signs that a girl might like you or that a girl is friendly if she stares at you and/or smiles at you. If you still can't bring yourself to talk to a girl, maybe during class you can ask a girl for help or something. Maybe you'll become more comfortable when you see that they don't think your weird.

    Sometimes when I need motivation to do something I'm scared of I think of the motto "Just do it." Don't think of anything else or drag it out. That'll make you even more nervous and you won't be able to even walk up to a girl. You could also try making friends with girls and it might turn into something more. Also, there are dating sites you could try. My bf's friend is 23 and he used one. You might find that easier...

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